AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

The main concern on a bridging visa for parents is when you need to go into a care home. If you don’t have PR you can’t access any subsidies and have to pay the full room guarantee. Your family would be responsible for paying for your care which is hundreds of dollars a day on top of c $500,000 room bond.

Contributory visas have an 8 year wait at the moment so it’s a definite risk at 74 that you will need care before you get PR.

@Todayismyfavouriteday You said: "I'm sure you'll get your visa, parent's visas are not so hard to come by in Australia." To quote a character in a famous Australian movie, "Mate, you're dreaming!"

You really should read the full thread. There is a message only about 7 before yours, with a link to the Australian Immigration wait times, This verifies what other posters have said several times. There is a queue, dating back to applications submitted in 2014, to process Aged Parent visas. The wait time now is 33 years.

It's not negativity. It's practicality, and facts. OP is not eligible anyway, currently.

FFS- it’s not about negativity. I genuinely couldn’t care less where anyone chooses to live. It’s about the practical realities of moving to an entirely different country in your mid-70s, particularly when you may have little to contribute economically but could potentially place significant demands on that country’s healthcare system.

Just think about it - why would any country actively want to welcome residents who are unlikely to contribute to the economy but are likely to require substantial medical and social resources? It’s not about judging anyone’s choices; it’s simply about recognising the practical considerations and why immigration rules exist in the first place.

Also, your insistence that parent visas "arent so hard to come by" is clearly not true based on my lived experience!

Agree with this but to answer your question in your second paragraph this bloody country!

Yes there is actually. We’ve gone from him just saying ‘no’ and refusing to engage, to ‘I’ll think about it’ and this week we talked about some of the negative thoughts he has. He doesn’t really like flying so DD1 said you don’t have to do the journey in one, get an itinerary where you can take a few days in between flights, and there’s also business class with Emirates which is a totally different experience from economy. He’s also said what will he do if we sell up and he gets there and after 2 weeks he doesn’t like it. Having moved a lot in my life I told him he’d have to give it 2 years at least before saying he doesn’t like it. It’s definitely a fear of the unknown which is understandable!
I feel it’s progression! Who knows where we’ll be in 2 years but it’s not all doom and gloom 😂

I haven’t read all the replies but can see others have mentioned it.

I’m not sure you could, even if you wanted to.

Wow the negativity!

OP, it isn't unreasonable whatsoever and I hope you can talk your husband round.

Would he be willing to have an extended trial stay there? It must be hard because he doesn't like flying. I wonder if once he experiences Oz for himself, he'll be up for it?

Otherwise... I'm not sure if it's fair to go without him. You could always wait and see if your youngest 1) does go 2) and stays!

She may return to the UK after a few years - possible?

You should probably read the thread.

She can. Her eldest daughter is settled there and has been for 9 years. She can use the family visa options. It’s possible.

This is the exact situation one of my friends is in. She's been waiting for 6 years now and is no closer to getting a visa.

It might be "possible" but there is a 33 year wait.

She doesn’t as she doesn’t currently pass the balance of family test. You need the majority of your family to be living permanently in Australia. Only one of her 3 daughters is.

Personally I think it’s a wildly risky thing to do in your 70s as on a bridging visa you have no entitlement to social care. Once you’re at the stage of needing social care you won’t qualify for a parent visa. The odds of 2 people not needing social care are fairly slim.

This. And if you read about the "changing his mind" he's been ground down into saying "maybe" and then once he said "maybe", quite probably to stop the incessant demand that he consider it, he then gets interrogated on what his specific issues are with it so they can be picked off one at a time. The strategy determined children use against reluctant parents.

So he comes up with "I don't like long flights" and gets told "oh it's OK you can do it as a holiday or fly business". When he says "what if I don't like it after a few weeks" he gets told "oh you have to give it at least 2 years". At his age he might not have another 2 years to live and he might spend the last of what time he has in friendless misery on the other side of the world.

He's a farmer, farming communities and relationships are strong. I'm sorry but I think it sounds like utter cruelty, this relentless campaign to make him move away from that to somewhere he doesn't want to be.

I’m sorry but you really couldn’t be far from the truth. Nobody is getting ground down. You’re presuming I sit at home and every time my DH comes in I’m harping on about emigrating. I’m not some sad little person who has nothing going on in her life.

I'm not assuming that at all, that isn't how psychological coercion works.

I see how you read my post that way but I think you are far cleverer than that.

I think you should start off by using a long stay multiple entry visitor visa. I am not certain how they work and I haven't fully read the thread either so apologies.

That way, you can see if you really like the country etc. I mean it's all very fine having family there, but they have their own lives, and it will not revolve around you even though it might initially. I reckon that will tail off eventually, especially as the grandchildren grow older and move off on their own overseas travels, as a lot of Australians do. Presumably grandkids will have dual nationality so can go back and forth to UK as they please. Think about it.

Also on a multiple entry visitor visa I think there are limits like no more than x consecutive months in 12 or similar. But you could always go to Bali or NZ etc. for a holiday and re enter Australia, without going all the way back to UK.

Maybe I'm talking rubbish, but I'd definitely do it that way, as a start anyway, and if all goes well, then plan for immigrant visa.

Psychological coercion? I don’t even know what that means. I mustn’t be as clever as you give me credit for.

i have stated that I wouldn’t contemplate emigration if my youngest DH and her husband didn’t get their visas to go and live in Australia. If and when they do, we may meet the criteria but it could be a couple of years away so who knows what the rules will be.

Your post makes perfect sense. My eldest DD was even talking about this very visa when we were FaceTiming this morning. Thank you for your input.

Will you tell your estranged daughter in Moldova if you do move?

I have two siblings who live in Australia and both have Australian citizenship. My parents go for 5/6 months a year and have done for the past 10+ years. Even the visitor visas they get are more tricky post 75. They looked into some of the more permanent options but on balance decided that it wasn't worth it over current arrangements. They have a campervan over there and we have lots of additional family so they're not really imposing on anyone for months at a time.

Fantastic news! Also, you could part of the journey as a cruise