AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

I tried to emigrate to Australia in my early 40s and they refused me on a "too old" basis.

If it is actually Australia and you haven't changed details you should really watch that BBC show about moving to Australia and NZ. Can't remember the name. They list all the pros and cons. Usually it's the wife wanting to move, and the husband wanting to stay5in the UK, and they literally do price comparisons for food, utilities, housing, you name it. If I were thinking of moving there now, that's the first place I'd start.

But like I say, I tried to go when I was just out of my 30s and was refused. So find out what makes you unique and "deserving" of moving there, as they will want to know.

Agency farmers? Like supply teachers? I don't think it's common and would cost an absolute bomb.

I'm still confused. I understand you have 3 DD, of whom the eldest is in Australia, the youngest thinking of moving there, and the middle one estranged.

What's not clear to me is which of these three are children of your current husband, and which are from your previous marriage.

The point being that it would surely affect how your DH feels about moving there.

On a bridging visa you can usually apply for Medicare so you’ll be on the same footing as citizens or PRs. It’s only the visitor visa that limits healthcare to essential treatment under the reciprocal arrangement.

Having said that, waiting times in the public health system for chronic/non fatal conditions can be as bad as the UK. You need private health insurance to access the healthcare that Australia is famed for, which is quite expensive.

You're not unreasonable for wanting to go and live life with your children. I don't see how anyone could think this was unreasonable. Equally, your DH isn't unreasonable for not wanting to go and live somewhere he's never been etc.

I don't know exactly what you're seeking here (some advice has been given, albeit, in a very rude way in some instances!) but I think a mum wanting to be near her children is not some unheard of circumstance.

❤

One important factor regarding cost of living, retirement and bureaucracy: Bear in mind that once you move and settle in Australia, your UK state pensions will be frozen at their current level and not increased with inflation each year. So if you live a couple of decades out there they may end up being worth pennies a month by then.

This is the default system for payment of UK state pensions to expats. Increases via the triple lock (or even via basic CPI if the triple lock gets discontinued) are only made to pensioners in countries that have a specific agreement with the UK to that effect. Australia is not one of them.

So you'd need to be in a situation where your private pensions and any other sources of income you may have from assets etc. are enough to live comfortably on, while the state pension is a nice bonus on top but not something you rely on.

Instead of making the move fulltime, would you consider going for an extended period of time - eg 3 months over the winter? I have a friend with 2 children married in Perth and she does this. She rents her own apartment for the period she's out there. Works well for everyone.

YWNBU to want to go, and you seem to realise that this would be expensive and you would very likely be living in Australia on a bridging visa for the rest of your life. It sounds like you would meet the balance of family test (providing the daughter in Moldova stays there, if she moves back to the U.K. you won’t until your 3rd moves to Aus) IF your husband has no children, as step children do count.

I think you may be mistaken about the reciprocal agreement for Medicare though - whilst you are on a temporary visa you will get a temporary Medicare card with an expiry date of 1-2 years. You need proof of residency in the U.K. for it, which by the time you come to reapply you won’t have, and you will lose access to Medicare. You would have to pay out of pocket or hold private insurance but obviously this could be very very expensive at your age.

In your position, I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. The problem is that your husband doesn’t want to go and I get the impression he won’t want to change his mind. But I’d want to be with my children and grandchildren and would even consider … going without my husband. Not sure I’d go through with it, but I’d consider it. Best of luck OP, this isn’t an easy decision!

This isnt going to be as easy as you think it is, unfortunately.

One of my close friends (who is in her early 60s) has been trying since 2021 to emigrate to Australia where her only son lives and works, she also has a grandson she only sees when she goes over to visit. He has lived and worked over there now for 10 years and her visa application process doesnt seem to be going anywhere at all. She's paid thousands to various immigration solicitors and in 2021 she was told it would take approx 5 years to sort. 5 years later and still nothing and she's still waiting.

It's really not quite as straightforward as you seem to think it is- she was told they have a huge backlog of applications post covid to sort through.

Sorry you had so many snippy, know it all replies here. Heat must be getting to them. You do what makes you happy with the last 30 years of life

My eldest two DDs are from a previous marriage. My youngest, the one who has just got married and are looking to try to emigrate, is my DHs one and only daughter

Thanks! I shall try my very best to try to persuade my DH to go when the time is right. I would definitely not go if my youngest daughter could not get a visa to go there permanently. Neither would she ever forgive me if I left my DH on his own. I’m not going to spoil anyone’s life because I would like to move to Australia.

You expect your 74-year old farmer dh to retire from farming, move out of his home, sell off some of his assets in the UK and move to the other side of the world? Dream on.

I’m not surprised. What’s in it for Australia?… Why encourage immigration of the elderly?

Oh I agree. I see my DHs life now as opposed to when they lived in Manchester. Long summer days, being able to plan things without being rained off, weekend days by their pool. They both work hard though, they have bills to pay like any where else! She commented on how miserable people are here on her recent visit.

If you never have a dream, you’ll never have a dream come true.

Is there a middle ground? For example, can you afford to have two small properties, one in UK and one in Aus, and then spend a significant chunk of each year living in Aus?

Yes, I used to know a woman who had a tenant farm with her husband and they used to go on long holidays in the winter. They employed agency farmers to look after their farm. These people were often from Australia or New Zealand. I do not know the costs involved.

I doubt Australia would want you. You offer nothing in the way of work and will likely be a drain on the economy. Australian rules for immigration are some of the most pragmatic that exist.

Just what I was thinking for OP to visit Au. longer but her dh still can run the farm.

Yes, of course you should go. I can also imagine the type of person your husband is as I know a lot of older men still farming. They get obsessed by the land and rarely take holidays.

You want to be with your daughters and grandchildren and why not? Start the ball rolling today. However, don’t expect your DH to join you. But probably not as big a loss as not seeing your kids and grandkids. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, lots of posters on here can’t imagine not living in their home country and are scared of the idea of living abroad. Best to ignore them.

Apologies that I haven't read the full thread but a very good friend of mine used to visit for six months over our winter/their summer to help with childcare as her daughter lived over there and a school age child. This worked well for years but she has, herself, now settled there on a parent Visa. But maybe this is a workable option?

The reciprocal healthcare agreement with Australia gives you this:

"The RHCA provides access to essential and urgent hospital treatment free of charge."

Everything else is largely on you. Gp visits, most pharmaceuticals outside a hospital setting, ambulances, and non-essential hospital treatment, such as elective surgery, joint replacements, etc etc etc.