AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

Would the already-resident DD be able to apply for her stepfather as well as her mother?

What about a compromise. You go out every year for an extended period eg three months?

Wow. The amount of rules to trip you up. OP would be better off going there for 2 Six to eight week stints a year. Oct/Nov back for Christmas/New Year and out again mid Jan/Mid March. In farming terms that's a quiet time of year and her husband could join her for some or all of that. No major legal hurdles involved, she has the money, avoids the worst of the UK winter and instead passes it in the warm Australian winter.

OP might actually hate it over there. Something she hasn't factored in.

Australia’s $50,000 parent visa takes so long to process that applicants die waiting | Australian immigration and asylum | The Guardian

Are you sure that’s correct? My DD has a lovely place but it’s not a new build, it is an established property in a nice street. She bought it when she was resident but not a citizen, she’s been in it for about 6 years now. I expect she was classed as a foreigner as only became a citizen a couple of years ago

I’ve really no idea where some are finding these rules and regulations!

Its been quite amusing to be told
Im too old
I have nothing to offer
Australia doesn’t want me
I’ll never get my husband away from a farm
I can dream on
and then there have been the posts wishing me well
i only really came here to see if I could get people’s thoughts on whether I was being unreasonable in wanting to go but it’s great to get all the visa requirements!
mumsnetters are a wealth of knowledge!
PS can anyone help me with MTD? I’m struggling with the figures 😊

You can buy a second hand home when you have PR or citizenship, but not as a foreigner or temporary resident. Else, you are restricted to new homes or off plan.

It’s one of the few things that works well in the Australian housing market.

Another question OP. Are you categorically absolutely certain that both of your remaining non-estranged daughters and their partners/husbands want you there? It’s a hell of a change to their lives, you will be placing such a lot of pressure on them- and especially as you age.

Your two remaining in contact daughters have both chosen to move halfway around the world, permanently, and away from you. That doesn’t bode to me as a really close mother daughter relationship, I’ve known people decide not to emigrate as they can’t in reality leave their wider family here.

Whatever you decide, I think you should look at a couple of four/six month visits first and be independent of your daughters and family out there. Test it first.

What are you insinuating? That my daughters are moving to get away from me? Thank you for that. I’ll add it to the list of insults I’ve received.
I’m not going to justify that with any explanation.

Focus on your estranged daughter in Moldova. That would be my focus. Have you visited Moldova?

If you really want to go you must! You only live once. However you will have to go without your husband. I doubt you'll get him to go. You will probably have to separate. Could you do that??

You asked AIBU? The (many) visa requirements are spelled out here - surely you have investigated this? - on the Department of Home affairs website:

About parent visas

People aren't just being mean when they point out that an immigrant needs to bring value to a country like Australia. Younger working age people work and pay taxes and raise a new generation to work and pay taxes, one hopes; and they still need to be working in preferential/needed fields to get their visas.

You don't currently meet the requirements, and may not ever if your second daughter does not move there. So it's all a bit moot.

Yes. This is key to any dreaming or glass half full thinking. What's happening in Moldova? I would address that before I began to think about pressuring my husband to uproot and before my youngest has even applied for a Visa.
Pie in the Sky daydreaming/escaping.

You are married to a man in his mid 70s who was born in the house he lives in and has lived in all his life, who is a farmer by birth and like many/most farmers by birth never intends to retire.

You want him to give up his farm, his lifestyle, his friends, his community and move to what many older people would find an oppressive climate and start life all over again while heading into his eighties.

Your approach is, quite frankly, abusive.

It’s clear @OneFedUpFarmersWife that many posters don’t understand the concept of living in Australia whilst you wait for your visa.

Life is short. Your DH seems to have no plan for the farm which is unrealistic as he ages.. and as you rightly point out could leave you saddled with a massive issue if something happens to him.

I think you have to be prepared to go without him..you don’t know how many years you have and it would be a huge shame to miss this opportunity to spend the time with your children and grandchildren.

They own another house. Knowing a number of old farmers, tenant and owner, his plan is likely to be either to give up the tenancy by dying and have his wife move into the other house, or to give up the tenancy when he really can't run the farm any more and move into the other house.

She should go to Australia without him if she has enough money to live on and to cover the potentially huge medical bills of aging without the NHS.

884 and 173 are the temporary aged parent visas which OP is looking at living on while awaiting a permanent visa, I think? But even those seem to have years to wait to get: Parent visas queue release dates

Well looking at that link, it's 33 years to process an aged parents visa! Best of luck with it all

I'm married to an Australian and depending on whereabouts it was I would think long and hard about living there, I think your husband especially would find it hard so you need to decide if your marriage is strong enough to survive, or you're happy if it isn't.

Could you spend three months there, three months here and repeat? I'm not sure what the visa regulations are but I know people with kids out there who spend six months there every year.

You’re not being unreasonable for wanting to live in Australia with your family. I really hope you can come to a compromise with your husband. A friend of mine has a neighbour who moved to Australia last year at the age of 80, so it really is never too late! I would feel exactly the same as you if it were my family. I hope everything works out for you, and good luck!

She wouldn't forgive you if you left DH on his own, but she (DH's only child) wants to move to the other side of the world from her parents? There’s a 50% chance (ignoring any current health issues) that one day DH would be left on his own. People are very odd.

The odds of a wife the same age or younger being left on her own are nowhere near 50% This is why care homes are full of old women, not old men.

That’s true. But I doubt whether OP's D3 has based her wish to emigrate on that.

I'm surprised at all the negativity in many of the answers. Jealousy perhaps, of someone who is willing to emigrate and change her life around at 70? Fear of the unknown? Kudos to you for doing this, go ahead! Being near your children and grandchildren at this age has no price. Or any other reason you may have to start all over again! We are not trees. We can move, change, reinvent ourselves, until the day we die. I've done it a couple of times, and may do it again in the near future. Better safe than sorry has never been my motto!
I'm sure you'll get your visa, parent's visas are not so hard to come by in Australia.

Moving to Australia at your time of life would be a massive thing and at 74 I understand your DH point of view. Unless you go alone then its not going to happen. Just plan for going more often or for longer either with or without him.