Boring eater

[Curious77]

Am I unreasonable to hate that my partner is a boring and bland eater? It really pisses me off that a man in his 50s ( met 6yrs ago) avoids any foods he is not familiar with!
he watches all my food programmes with me and oohs and aahs at the food, but in reality, he would unlikely try any of it.
i find it incredibly frustrating, and to coin a phrase I hate but seems perfectly apt… it gives me the ick!
he thinks houmous is hippie food, and pate is posh!
why do I want to shake him? Is it me? Am I a snob?

"or I don't eat and just enjoy your fabulous company with a drink!"

Some restaurants where I live would not allow that.

Someone not eating, yes, someone eating a naan I can't see as a problem. I've done that in an Indian restaurant that just flat out refused to give me a mild dish. It's not work being ill the next day over.

Then I'd order something and eat what I can or not eat it and let others I'm with share it. I've spent money on food I've not eaten loads of times in order to not make a fuss or to make it easier for people.

I care about the company not the food and my foodie friends, DH and family are always happy to eat what I don't want!

I’d also struggle with someone who was a picky eater, from cooking meals at home, through to social,life and trying to cater for them. I know someone who goes out to restaurants and has a bowl of boiled potatoes. It’s clearly an eating disorder and no one says anything.

a member of your party sitting with nothing watching you eat is also uncomfortable. So you need to try to pick a restaurant where they will eat. Thus foregoing your own desires.

No thanks I will meet you after but I’m not going to dinner with you

That's fair enough.

I think for me it’s a bigger issue, I’ve travelled and have been lucky enough to try a lot of varied cuisines, he has barely evolved from what his mum cooked him back in the day, I suppose his fixed narrow mindset is more the issue, and lack of curiosity, he’s a lovely person, so I’ve ignored it, but it still bugs me. Also the implication at times that it makes me a snob, I kind of resent.

Does anyone remember, back in the day that Indian restaurants used to include one or two English meals for people who didn't eat spicy food? From memory it was chicken and chips or omelette.

Nothing worse than an extremely fussy eater. My friends husband won’t touch anything with onion or garlic in, can’t stand anything saucy and doesn’t like seasoning! She’s the main cook and I don’t know how she copes with it.

Yes. I went to a Chinese restaurant not so long ago and they had chips, but no sauce that would go with the chips...

My MIL’s partner is like this and I find it really childish. I can’t respect any grown man who is fussy about food.

Yes I probably do! Was more curious as to others opinion on it,

Do you both cook at home? Does that mean you have to cook what he will eat and never what you would like? That would be unfair. If you take it in turns to cook then you could start with something like a stir-fry with chicken and veg he would recognise (brocolli, carrot, sweetcorn, peppers etc) and add a small amount of a sweet chilli sauce then dish his up and add more for your own taste. You could have rice available or a few boiled baby new potatoes for him.

Why is having preferences around food childish? It's a common insult thrown a people who don't eat a wide variety of food but I'm yet to understand why what someone chooses ( or doesn't choose) to put in their mouth makes them childish.

One of the most immature people I know will literally eat anything. Yet he displays immature behaviour in pretty much all other aspects of his life. Why would he be considered less childish than someone who is mature, well rounded, successful etc but has a restrictive diet?

Absolutely and often cost about what you're ordering, or even beforehand when choosing the restaurant.

Some people just aren’t interested in or enjoy food as much as others. Or they just like what they like. Fair enough. I work in events, and meet all sorts of people. Foodies obviously love to be invited to posh places with nice nosh. But there are people who wouldn’t touch the food, no matter how delicious!

It would do my nut in.

I understand that there are sometimes neurodivergent reasons or health reasons but beyond that, if someone's just a fusspot with a limited diet because they won't try new foods I would be thinking they're narrowminded, unadventurous, boring, probably not very intelligent and so on. None of which is a massive turn on!

People have mentioned why should it matter. I guess because it shows a very different mindset to what I want in a partner or friends. I want to be able to enjoy going to new restaurants and countries with my partner, I want to experiment and try new things at home, I want to be able to share meals at home.

Does it matter if your husband only eats boring food? Yes - what a ballache if it's your turn to cook. Or when you're shopping for ingredients and you can't buy something because he doesn't like it so what's the point in making a meal that he won't eat.

What makes you think people with restrictive diets are unintelligent? or don't like to travel?

I could eat the same food every day (and I often do) as I live on my own. I’ve never been overly interested in food. I eat it to stay alive!

Part of developing into an adult is becoming open minded about trying new things and also working out that your openness (or lack thereof) affects those around you.

Someone who has to have meals adapted for them or have cooked something separately, who affects what restaurants wider family can go to for celebrations, what types of holidays they can go on etc because of their complete unwillingness to deviate from a few set meals they’ve been having since childhood is selfish and immature in a way that people accept from children but which grates when coming from a fully developed adult.

You all realise that well over half of the world are like that. Your exciting hummus is "boring" diet of someone else who would not eat your food. Like half my inlaws.

Sorry but thinking people who are just not into various foods are boring, unintelligent drama lammas not worthy relationship is just ridiculous. You don't need to eat the world to be a solid, intelligent, fun person....

Part of developing into an adult is becoming open minded about trying new things and also working out that your openness (or lack thereof) affects those around you.
Why place so much importance on food though?
I am very open minded about pretty much everything apart from food. Food is fuel to me and if there was a way of not eating and surviving then I'd be there for that.
Having a restrictive diet hasn't stopped me living a very exciting life and having a career and a hobby that takes me all over the world. What I eat doesn't impact that.

Someone who has to have meals adapted for them or have cooked something separately, who affects what restaurants wider family can go to for celebrations, what types of holidays they can go on etc because of their complete unwillingness to deviate from a few set meals they’ve been having since childhood is selfish and immature in a way that people accept from children but which grates when coming from a fully developed adult.

Not all people with restricted diets behave like this and it's actually very narrowminded of you to suggest they do. Perhaps you could do with being a little more open minded?

Just a vibe.

I think it's snobbish to care too much about what other people eat, as long as they aren't preventing you from eating what you like, too. DH doesn't want food that's too spicy, but he can be prone to indigestion, so that makes sense for him. I occasionally try something different, but I typically stick with things I know I like, because I know I'll enjoy them and don't want to risk wasting money and going hungry if I end up with something I don't like.

It does seem odd and annoying if he almost seems to pretend to be interested in 'interesting' food, though!

I'd try to find ways you can enjoy the more unusual foods you prefer while he has something else. DH and I regularly have completely different meals or start with a base that we can share but alter to our preferences (mild for him, added spices for me, for instance).

Perhaps try being more open minded? Does my restrictive diet mean I should hand back my PhD or quit the job that means I get travel the world?

I had an XP like this. Tomato soup, steak so well done that you could sole your shoe with it, Tiramasu. That was all he'd eat out. Wouldn't eat cheese except the processed stuff and when I pointed out that tiramasu was made with mascapone, which is a type of cheese, his face was a picture.