Boring eater

[Curious77]

Am I unreasonable to hate that my partner is a boring and bland eater? It really pisses me off that a man in his 50s ( met 6yrs ago) avoids any foods he is not familiar with!
he watches all my food programmes with me and oohs and aahs at the food, but in reality, he would unlikely try any of it.
i find it incredibly frustrating, and to coin a phrase I hate but seems perfectly apt… it gives me the ick!
he thinks houmous is hippie food, and pate is posh!
why do I want to shake him? Is it me? Am I a snob?

Threads very quickly develop into more general discussions. I will challenge ignorance when I see it.

I think that you would have to have a pretty limited imagination to think that someone not having an interest in food means they have no interest in anything. I dont care for food but I have a lot of hobbies and interests, I can talk to you about Mesopotamian mosaics, different silver smithing techniques, we can talk about athletics, dog training, medieval art etc etc. I just really don't care for food, it's boring to me just like Mesopotamian mosaics might be boring to you, that doesn't mean that you are a boring sod, just that different things excite you.

Yes, if it’s important to you to do those things with a partner then you’d want someone who also enjoyed them. But food isn’t usually that big of a part of a relationship.

I do enjoy cooking and food and nice restaurants, but I go with friends.

That's fine. I don't have an issue with people having a preference in a partner. That would be ridiculous. Date whoever you like!

I do have an issue with people assuming those who don like a lot of types food are boring people or dictate how other people enjoy food. There are already people makign those assumptions on this thread.

I don't mind fussy eaters as long as it doesn't impact on me and they don't comment negatively on the food that the rest of us are eating.
I know someone who frequently says 'gads' when offered a food they don't like which is more than annoying (and rude if served by the host).

My friendships wouldn’t be likely to include someone with disordered eating or a severely limited palate, it is true.

Agree that it's a turn off, and does make the person seem almost infantile, but I could live with it if the partner was lovely in other ways. What I can't stand is someone who criticises the adventurous/spicy/international/exotic food I like to eat while we're eating at a restaurant. I have a close friend who does this, making a drama of shuddering and saying my meal looks gross.

Yes, this! Just posted the same!

I think you may be lacking in imagination if you can’t see that people who eat basic foods might have many hobbies and interest elsewhere.

Nope. People with ARFID go out of their way to make sure it doesn't impact others.
Yes, occasionally I will chose a restaurant if it's my turn but no more than is normal in a relationship.
I also cook a lot of food I don't like, in fact I'm the main cook in our house and have worked in kitchens.

You can try and make this a bigger deal than it is but I know my life and my family.

It's infuriating isn't it?
As if only a person with very low standards would eat anything so disgusting.

Of course not.
I once spent an evening sat next to someone who was a very fussy eater at a work do, who sulked all throughout the meal because it was at an Indian restaurant and she hated Indian food. She had a plate of chips that she picked at but kept saying that she really wanted a pizza.

Others at the table told me afterwards that the sulker spoiled the meal for them as well.

To be fair, if I was booking a meal for a large group of people I wouldn't have chosen an Indian restaurant because I know not everyone likes Indian food.

Our Christmas meal that year was at a downmarket pizza place in a shopping mall because it was the only place the fussy eater would go to. She had a cheese and tomato pizza where she picked off the slices of tomato before she ate. No eating disorder, just a fussy eater who happened to be vegetarian (nothing agsinst vegetarians BTW. Lots of my family members are).

I think people going out for meals with their partners is fairly important to a lot of people, that’s why so many couples go out for meals together. But obviously those people are unlikely to knowingly get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t like doing the same things as them.

I don't see why it bothers you. Just let him eat what he wants to eat and you do the same. As long as he doesn't go on and on about how disgusting other people's food is. That's out of order.

If he only eats a limited diet he must be easy enough to cater for? Not that you should cook for him the whole time. But when you want to.

Tell him to bring his own food if you don't have anything he likes.

Wow! How do you police that?

What if they were a brilliant and lovely person in every other way would you genuinely reject the friendship?

I go out for meals with my partner. I love socialising in this way - I just don't eat as much food as he does or the variety of food.

Absolutely! This! And to then pretend that he is adventurous and will try anything when he blatantly doesn’t, drives me mad! I know it’s me!😂😂😂

What does he eat, OP?

is it good, healthy but unadventurous food or largely junk?

That’s not a problem with fussy eaters though. That’s specifically her being an arsehole.

The issue is that she is rude not that she has a restrictive diet.

I've been out for meals where I'm perfectly happy with my side or my chips and other people have spent the whole night making a big deal about it. Again, that's rude people not the issues with food.

Maybe, but I think for most couples it is spending the time together that’s important rather than the activity.

I think it's fairly normal to see eating a meal as a communal activity to do with people that you like. If it's something important to you it's easier with someone that's eats a similar variety of food. If I had just a friend with a restricted diet I'd just do other activities.

YANBU - I would be frustrated and probably wouldn't date someone like that OP.

Difficult as he is nice in other ways.

The worst is when people say make noises and are generally rude about what you vhose to eat.

Mention that you have, for example, salmon for dinner - "Eurgh, I couldn't eat fish, gross".

Or the times it aligns with racism - say you tried a nice korean place at the weekend "Ew, don't they eat dogs?" Or at the Chinese - "I bet there is cat in the chow mein". It is just out-dated stereotypes and ignorant.

If a friend didn't eat a specific cuisine then I wouldn't care, other than keep in mind when we are booking restaurants.

But my partner would need to be adventurous enough to be up for trying new ingredients / cuisines as matter of course.

I suppose it's about restaurants?
I don't like spicy food so that makes choosing a restaurant with friends harder.
I also have a friend who won't eat bar meal type foods because he thinks they're re-heated. That's annoying sometimes.

At home, it shouldn't be a problem - each person prepares and cooks what they want.

Yes, I agree it's a problem for restaurants. Not for takeaway though. The fussy person just eats something they have at home while the other gets the takeaway.