I’ve been scammed and can’t get over it

[woohoofolks]

I was trusting and stupid. Bought something semi valuable and a collectors piece from a friend of a friend who lives in Scotland with no problems. He then contacted me to say he had a similar item and was I interested. It was a bit more pricey, £1000, and I decided it was worth it and gave him the go ahead to get it and transferred the money. He then went silent and blocked me. The bank say it’s a civil matter as do the police and to start a small claims against him, which I’m in the process of doing but hold out little hope of seeing my money again.

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.

I feel so stupid and angry with myself and just can’t get over it. I lie awake thinking of him laughing at me. I have dreams of travelling to his door and doing something but I don’t know what.

Anyone any advice on how I come to terms with this? I’m by no means well off but the money I can earn back and replace. But it’s just eating me up. Aib

Please don’t feel bad. We all do things in good faith and it turns out to be a huge mistake to makes us feel stupid but you’re not a stupid person just a lovely one who is too trusting and that’s nothing to feel bad about.
Time is a great healer, you probably won’t ever forget (a lesson learned) but you will eventually start to feel ok . I believe in karma and he will get his comeuppance .🤬And you’ve learned who your real friends are .Its a lot of money to loose but as you said you will be able to make the money up .I really hope that you will be able to claim the money back. ❤️

It’s so hard to come to terms with being scammed - they steal your money and they steal your feelings of self worth. We can’t change the money side but work hard at stopping them from stealing your self worth. It’s hard and I’m so sorry this has happened - you trusted someone and they abused that trust - the shame is on them not you.

That's horrible I'm sorry! Your friend should be doing more to help unless they have been blocked too?
If all else fails it's a small claims matter and should be straightforward.
A letter before action might be enough to put the willies up him and get him cooperating so court might not be necessary.

@woohoofolks I live in Dunoon. Do you want to PM me his name and address? Not saying I'd do anything, but just in case I know of him.@

Good luck with the small claims court. I had success years ago but they seem to have added layers of difficulty now which seem to be to try and put you off pursuing anything. My daughter was awarded a refund of her holiday from a disgusting woman advertising premises as luxury when they weren't even habitable. Proved in her favour but 18 months on and no money has been refunded. Every time it goes back to court they want another £130 and the woman claims she has mental health issues 😡

I’ve been through something similar. Paid a workman a 50% deposit to have a new sliding door fitted, which was £900. Turns out he was massively in debt, ran off with multiple customers money and had a destination wedding in the states. Police wouldn’t get involved, fraud action wouldn’t get involved. We could prove he had committed fraud by knowingly taking the money to spend on something else and never intended to provide the service, but no one would touch it.
We raised a small claims case, using his address from companies house but turned out that was a dodgy address. I found his real one via social media and we’ve now been going through the amendment process to get his address changed and the judgement reissued by the courts SINCE DECEMBER. No I’m not joking. We’ve had to get our MP involved and write to the courts. He’s had our money since June of 2025. Once they reissue the judgement it’ll be the faff of getting bailiffs etc. I’ve lost all hope of seeing the money back and honestly you’ll never get over it. I was pregnant at the time and will never get over someone robbing from my family, and the fact noone would touch it criminally means there’s no record of it and customers are none the wiser when hiring him.
He dissolved his business, set up a new one, got a new phone number etc. for all I know he’ll have moved before we get the judgment issued at his new address. He will occasionally engage in texts, has agreed to pay us before but never does. Says he doesn’t have enough to support his family and pay us back. What about my family..
There should be more people can do. It’s outrageous. It’s such a long process but start it! Don’t let him get away with it!

I f you paid by credit card can you retract the payment?

That's incorrect. When it comes to fraud there are two PSRs we refer to. The first are the regulations for unauthorized fraud and the second are the new PSR guidelines for scams which came in 2024

I'm amazed by how many of us on this thread live in or near Dunoon.

Your friend will be in on it, or she'd be sorting her friend out,I'd be so embarrassed if I were her

I am in a similar position where my bank insists my situation is a ‘civil dispute’ despite strong evidence that others have been similarly scammed by a company which takes a deposit but then does not carry out the work. For a small fee you can check if this person has any outstanding, unpaid CCJs against him in which case you may not wish to risk throwing more good money after bad. However, most people usually pay up at the last minute as they don’t want the hassle of being refused credit for several years because of a CCJ against them. If your bank persists in refusing to do a chargeback you can complain to the Financial Ombudsman which I’m now having to do: https://www.financial-ombudsman.org.uk/consumers/log-ombudsman-connect/how-to-complain
Good luck - feel for you x

lol, you are joking aren’t you!

What’s Oliver’s army?

It's a great song by Elvis Costello! Not sure of its relevance to the OP, though...

Very kind and I may revisit that if I can’t get anywhere

Yes, seems such an odd coincidence. If I get a refund we can all go and meet up and dance on his lawn