I’ve been scammed and can’t get over it

[woohoofolks]

I was trusting and stupid. Bought something semi valuable and a collectors piece from a friend of a friend who lives in Scotland with no problems. He then contacted me to say he had a similar item and was I interested. It was a bit more pricey, £1000, and I decided it was worth it and gave him the go ahead to get it and transferred the money. He then went silent and blocked me. The bank say it’s a civil matter as do the police and to start a small claims against him, which I’m in the process of doing but hold out little hope of seeing my money again.

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.

I feel so stupid and angry with myself and just can’t get over it. I lie awake thinking of him laughing at me. I have dreams of travelling to his door and doing something but I don’t know what.

Anyone any advice on how I come to terms with this? I’m by no means well off but the money I can earn back and replace. But it’s just eating me up. Aib

Nah, I'm petty af. Have you sent a letter before claim?

Can friend give you any extra details?

I'd spend the money on the travel just to see their face and know what I'm dealing with.

People back down pretty quickly when they realise someones not gonna give in.

But as quickly as I get over 95% of things, I am very petty and whole a grudge when I'm wronged.

Maybe someone here lives in Scotland who can go and knock on for you! 👀

My guess is that he wouldn’t have done it if 1. You lived in Scotland and 2. You were a big burly bloke. The cowardly bag of shit. I’m angry for you OP.

Are you certain that he is in Scotland, OP?

As he is based in Scotland you might need to use the Simple Procedure there. CAB should be able to advise you on this.

Well, as certain as I can be. I have his home address.

The feeling you are experiencing is horrible, I have had it (from falling victim to a lower value scam).

When did this all happen to you? I have found that the passage of time helps

I think the "crime" depends on what has happened here. Police are unlikely to be interested as you're finding out when it's a straightforward issue of non supply of goods. He hasn't technically stolen the £1000, this was transferred willingly to him for supply of a good which he has now not supplied.
So definitely go down small claims route. Of course he may not have 2 pennies to rub together but he must have some assets given he has traded with you and also your friend. So I don't think all is lost here

And as PP have said, dont beat yourself up. It could have happened to anyone. You had no reason to believe he'd scam you 2nd time round

I was recently scammed by a "professional" who I paid a service for and they did not complete the work

Absolutely kicked myself as I paid in full to "secure the booking"🙄 Daft of me but certainly lesson learnt.

However I initiated small claims and have got the money back. Its taken me 8 weeks in total, including a 2 week period after sending a letter before action to give them chance to pay before going to court. Once they recieved the paperwork from the court, they paid immediately

Can you say the town?

I don't want to cause any more upset but are you sure the original item is genuine? If you are making a claim you might want to check in case you need to claim for that too.
Assuming you get the judgement, even if you don't choose to enforce it, just imagine it sitting on his credit record, possibly causing him issues for many years.

Fraud in the UK has essentially been decriminalised. Go into a shop and steal £1000 worth of stock they'll call the police and you'll be arrested. Scam someone over the Internet out of £1000 and suddenly it's a civil matter.

I'm going to Scotland twice this year and my dh is a 6.4 huge bloke.

If he won't answer his door we can go tell his neighbours he's a scamming fucker !
Can you give his area ??

Don't kick yourself. It was a friend of a friend and you'd successfully done business with him before. I would have fallen for that and so would lots of people.
Hopefully you will get your money back through Small Claims. He may even send you the item, or refund you, when he receives notice that you are going ahead with the claim.

Police and banks in these situations push you to follow civil proceeding because you had a contract that he's reneged on. Proving his intent was to defraud you, which is the crux of it being criminal, is hard to impossible in this sort of situation. If, for instance, he says he was going to send it but broke it by accident and he blocked you out of embarrassment, there's no intent, so no crime. (I do think they should be recording names as may be possible build a proper case if he does it to lots of people and realistically the only way they will know he's prolific is to record names when individual people tell them about it. But police don't seem keen on that sort of tracking.)

But also, if the police look into it, they don't simply recover the money for you. They'd generally have to get a guilty plea/verdict and then get the court to order the money returned (which they frequently don't do). Takes a lot longer and is normally more hassle than small claims.

are you sure he’s not part of some niche online community to do with trading these collectibles? I think if I were you I’d get some satisfaction from tracking him down online on eBay/vinted/facebook wherever, and reporting him, posting on community forums, whatever I could do to make things tricky for him! Start with the platform your friend used to trade with him.

It's a shame, and I understand your anger and frustration - both with yourself and with the bastard thief. However...in the end of the day, it's "just" money, and a relatively small amount considering the stories you hear of people who've been scammed of their entire savings. You can earn it all back again should you not get the money from through court. That's what I'd tell myself.

Also, you have hopefully learned a valuable lesson that'll save you from scams in the future - maybe even worse ones, had this one not happened to you.

With that said...

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.
She should feel awful, honestly. She vetted him and introduced you to him. Has she tried to contact the thief to hear what the Hell he's doing?

Yes, that pretty much sums up their stance

Whereabouts in the north of Scotland is he?

OP there are rules in place which means banks are now obliged to refund authorised push payments - transfers - which are made as part of a scam, if they are accounts based in the UK. However they may argue this is a civil dispute rather than a scam as the intention to obtain a payment through deception and there was never an intent to supply the goods needs to be demonstrated - ie show that this isn't a civil dispute. The previous transaction and the fact this person appears to be running some sort of genuine business selling these items means it may not fall under the definition of a scam in the bank's eyes. They will only recall the payment if they're reasonably satisfied a scam has taken place and the money also needs to still be in the account to be recalled from the receiving bank.

Oh sorry, another poster has basically just said this!

The chances are he's given a false address, so that would probably be a wasted journey.

Even if the police say it’s a civil matter; that doesn’t mean you can’t use the law!! They don’t get to decide fortunately.
take him to the small claims court! You can do it yourself. Presumably you have his address and name? And his bank information? Have you spoken to your bank - they may also have advice.
Don’t do nothing! Definitely go to the small claims court. Am angry for you! xxxx

If you have a legal protection policy with your house insurance, it may be worth giving them a call. They normally cover contract disputes - you may not have a formal contract with the seller but if you can evidence via emails/text messages that there was an offer (do you want to buy this?), acceptance (yes please!) and consideration (payment) they may get their panel solicitors to send him a letter.

The other issue is the suspect lives in
Scotland and police in England have no jurisdiction north of the border. The police can’t go up there and arrest him. Now I guess it’s possible that Police Scotland may have some information about the person and they’d be interested but I wouldn’t hold out huge hope. If you have his address you could call the relevant region ( I think they divide into North, East and West) and discuss it with them. I don’t even know how small claims works across the border but CAB can probably advise. It might be the most expedient way.

Argyll and Bute is the area