I’ve been scammed and can’t get over it

[woohoofolks]

I was trusting and stupid. Bought something semi valuable and a collectors piece from a friend of a friend who lives in Scotland with no problems. He then contacted me to say he had a similar item and was I interested. It was a bit more pricey, £1000, and I decided it was worth it and gave him the go ahead to get it and transferred the money. He then went silent and blocked me. The bank say it’s a civil matter as do the police and to start a small claims against him, which I’m in the process of doing but hold out little hope of seeing my money again.

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.

I feel so stupid and angry with myself and just can’t get over it. I lie awake thinking of him laughing at me. I have dreams of travelling to his door and doing something but I don’t know what.

Anyone any advice on how I come to terms with this? I’m by no means well off but the money I can earn back and replace. But it’s just eating me up. Aib

Two things to weigh in on:

usually the small claims process gets me paid. I’ve had to do it a couple of times.

Secondly, nothing you’ve done here is stupid. I thought you were going to say someone rang pretending to be from your bank. You had a trading history with this person!

and to whoever says to just move on, wtf? That’s £1,000!

Has your friend ever actually met this person or have they just traded with them?

Definitely pursue through small claims/Scottish equivalent!
It's very disruptive to your life to have a CCJ against you.
He might well want to avoid that, and even if he doesn't, as pps say they can then recover it.

But - it's been only 2 weeks? Are you sure he has scammed you? Just that he has sold both you and your friend things before without incident. Why would he now suddenly be different? Is it possible something has happened to him? How have you been in touch - email, phone?

Also report him to trading standards. He may have done this to other people. I’m not sure if it would be your council or his.

I’d also post warnings online in groups linked to the items he trades in. Even if he doesn’t have an online presence, it could warn others that are introduced to him.

Those trying to blame her friend - er, no. Her friend was conned by this person, just like the OP. So it's either the OPs own fault (hint, it's not) or it's not the friend's fault either.

And as for going to his house - only with two burly big men.

Mumsnetters live in fucking LalaLand I swear. Imagine even suggesting that her a woman turns up at the door of a known criminal with demands. FFS.

OP, chase it down every way you can legally, if you know someone large who'd make the trip with you, go to their door.

But the reality is, you're probably not getting it back. The UK doesn't even chase down hordes of men who rape little girls over many years, so your chances of getting your scammed money back are in the toilet I'm afraid.

It's a harsh life lesson that there are plenty of cheats and liars in the world, and he worked a known con on you. Good luck.

That’s not the North of Scotland. That’s the west. Depending on where it’s not far from Glasgow. Though it is a large area…but not North!

Cross border crime is more cumbersome (as is out of force crime), so that probably does add to reluctance. There are pretty well worn processes, though.

Unfortunately for you the banking regulations don't agree with you and so banks are required under circumstances like this to refund customers

Wtf are the police playing at? He’s defrauded you surely. He’s pretended to have something to sell you, you’ve paid for it, and he’s trousered the money. It’s the actual definition of fraud.

Sorry this happened OP don’t blame yourself he’s a rotten thieving bastard.

I live in Argyll.
Where is this bastard?

There are countless villages here and they all have their own FB pages. Could you name and shame him on his?

A family member was scammed selling a price of jewellery worth 4k. Realised after item was sent it was a scam, contacted the police as we had address of wherever they were picking it up from (sent signed delivery) and police refused to do anything about it. She then got the notification of the scribble of delivery acceptance. Family member was so embarrassed she didn't tell anyone else even I thought it would be a good idea to warn people.

If you’re referring to a Third Party Debt Order,
unfortunately this is not always successful. If person A doesn’t have enough money in their account when the order is made, or if they successfully challenges the order (on the basis of hardship), person B won’t recover their money.

OP risks paying court fees to apply for a CCJ, then paying more fees to apply for enforcement, and may still not get their money. Best hope is that the fraudster freaks out when they receive the court claim and agrees to pay, but this sounds unlikely. I think in my rage I would struggle to let this go so I would haunt the guy, I would ask everyone I know to message him, I’ll find someone local on social media and ask them to go to their house (perhaps even pay someone to go and scare them). I would write to their local newspaper, church, etc etc. Even if I didn’t get my money back, I’d make sure to become such a nightmare than the guy will never do this to anyone else.

First off, go easy on yourself.
You were not a fool.
He was recommended and you had had successfully completed a transaction.
Why wouldn't you do another one.

Definitely follow the advice above re small claims etc.
Do everything you can and you will find it easier to accept the result.
Wishing you well.
Your annoyance is so understandable.

Sorry, it’s North to me from Kent but yes, locally looks like west of Scotland

It’s a place called Dunoon? Or so he says.

I think I could leave myself open to comeback doing posts etc and don’t need that sort of grief to be honest for little gain.

The police are trying to fob you off. Let them know that you won't be fobbed off!
Ask to speak to someone more senior in the police force.
If that doesn't work, find out what their appeals procedure is and make a written complaint. and get details of the PC who os fobbing you off.
This toe rag has committed a criminal offence under the fraud Act 2006.
It's called fraud by false representation.
Here's the details:

Fraud by false representation
(1)A person is in breach of this section if he—
(a)dishonestly makes a false representation, and
(b)intends, by making the representation—
(i)to make a gain for himself or another, or
(ii)to cause loss to another or to expose another to a risk of loss.
(2)A representation is false if—
(a)it is untrue or misleading, and
(b)the person making it knows that it is, or might be, untrue or misleading.
(3)“Representation” means any representation as to fact or law, including a representation as to the state of mind of—
(a)the person making the representation, or
(b)any other person.
(4)A representation may be express or implied.
(5)For the purposes of this section a representation may be regarded as made if it (or anything implying it) is submitted in any form to any system or device designed to receive, convey or respond to communications (with or without human intervention).

I would also go back to the bank.
Find out who heads the fraud department and write to them quoting S2 of the fraud Act2006 and ask them to reimburse you.

You can also contact Trading Standards who may be prepared to contact him on your behalf to put some pressure on him.

Small claims is another avenue but I would also try the police and the bank.

Let us know how you get on.
We are here for you🙂

Sounds like obtaining money by deception and a criminal offence.

Sorry, OP, I know how loss of dignity, self respect, is worse than the money.

People are shits sometimes

I clicked YABU for blaming yourself! How were you to know this person was a slimy thief? It's all the thief's fault, not yours.

I'm sure that Dunoon has a FB page.
It's quite a big place - not a village.

Dunoon is a small town where everyone knows everyone. Someone here on mumsnet probably knows of him.

I've done this too. Worth the minimal effort.

This stuff is surprisingly common, we found the same kind of situation re a hotel booking made via booking.com last year. A Chichester hotel does this thing where it is very rude to individual new arrivals and finds an excuse to kick them out, often offering a refund either via booking.com or on their credit card. (They can then offer the room to someone else for more money).

But booking.com, which is a rubbish website and curiously does not allow/ include negative reviews of its hotels, refuses to engage in such matters, so the hotel will be keeping your money. Secondly, if you get a refund on your card, well, then for the first time that hotel has your credit card details - not nice! - and can coolly withdraw the same amount of money from it once your back is turned. While the bank - First Direct in this case - may cover your loss, arguably making it a no-victim crime, you'll want to change your card and go through all that rigmarole. It turns out the bank will not report the matter to the police because it is a 'dispute' not a crime - makes you proud to be British, doesn't it. So the hotel gets away with it.

Check out the Tripadvisor reviews of East Walls Chichester if you want the details.

As for the OP's plight, well, many of us have been there - you find yourself rerunning the situation in your head with differing outcomes or future revenge scenarios. I suppose the thing is, you have been conned once; he will always be a conman. Admittedly, that falls under the category of 'their loss' when getting dumped and requires a certain strength of character to maintain.

One thing that really bugs me about being scammed is that it is different/worse than being pickpocketed. Why? Because the scam involves your active compliance and cooperation - you actually went to the effort over it, so it's as if you are complicit in your own downfall.

It's also potentially traumatic because it upends your world view, anything that changes your perception of reality has the potential to do that, it's why conspiracy theorists are so obsessive, whether they are on to something or not.

Tips - thinking how it could have been worse, the fact you're shocked means it obviously doesn't happen that often to you, which is a good thing. You won't be the only one he's conned so word gets around. Again, you got conned once, he is a conman for life. Could probably report it to the police, so he is on their file but no, don't expect them to do anything, that's modern Britain for ya.

Amazing that you actually have his home address. I’d organise a very official letter. See if the police/bank can at least support you with sending that so it’s official and frightening for him.

Failing that, I would then get a SCAMMER ALERT poster made and sent yo his address. Tell him these will be all over social media and his local area if he doesn’t pay up.

You must be so angry. It’s not your fault. These people are good at what they do. Your “friend” sounds dodgy though.

Good luck! Think of the education on scamming we are all getting from you. Thanks.

I live in Argyll, not far from Dunoon. If you want to privately message me some note details I’ll see if i could help.

Also, it might be worth contacting the police here rather than your local police.