I’ve been scammed and can’t get over it

[woohoofolks]

I was trusting and stupid. Bought something semi valuable and a collectors piece from a friend of a friend who lives in Scotland with no problems. He then contacted me to say he had a similar item and was I interested. It was a bit more pricey, £1000, and I decided it was worth it and gave him the go ahead to get it and transferred the money. He then went silent and blocked me. The bank say it’s a civil matter as do the police and to start a small claims against him, which I’m in the process of doing but hold out little hope of seeing my money again.

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.

I feel so stupid and angry with myself and just can’t get over it. I lie awake thinking of him laughing at me. I have dreams of travelling to his door and doing something but I don’t know what.

Anyone any advice on how I come to terms with this? I’m by no means well off but the money I can earn back and replace. But it’s just eating me up. Aib

This ^ is a good idea.

I presume you have kept copies of all the correspondence between you ?

Def name and shame online and any groups /hobbies he may be in

do a Claim /ccj - usually have to named a letter and wait 2w then if not paid by a certain date you can fill in the claim form

Dunoon is a very small area where everyone knows everyone! Join all the fb groups on Dunoon that you can and ask if anyone knows this bloke as he’s scammed you out of £1000! He will reply to you fast as the locals will make him otherwise!

Argyll and Bute the North of Scotland 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You mean the west coast?

That’s already been established. The OP isn’t from Scotland. She made a geographical error, why are you laughing at her?

Ooh that’s not far from me - certainly not remote - just awkward to get to by road (it’s a long way round on the mainland) but using the ferry it’s about an hour from Glasgow! Even closer to the airport if you are tempted to come.

Sorry about this OP what a shitty thing to happen. The local Facebook groups around here are very active and everyone knows everyone. I would not be able to let this go, not just for the money but the absolute cheek of it! J bet you’re not his first victim and he targets people too far away to be able to easily get to him. Definitely name and shame him online locally, possibly not posting a full address as likely to be laws against that, but saying X who lives on Y street/area of Dunoon.

Someone might go chap on his door for you, but in this day and age that’s probably unwise, no way of knowing if he’s unhinged, and even if I dared to I can’t get across there due to caring responsibilities. You could contact his local representatives too (councillor /MSP/MP) or at least tag them in social media posts - they probably won’t action anything but if they know a thief and scammer is ‘bringing the town into disrepute’ it might pique their interest and raise the visibility of your posts!

Many of the main household name banks are adding security layers to warn their customers of scam risks because they stand to lose lots of money in repaying scams.

on my Santander app it will ask me numerous times, in many different ways whether the payment is being made to a trusted person, or whether it could be someone trying to fraudulently take money. They also ask for the nature of the payment eg investment, paying for goods, a service etc.

@woohoofolks you may not be able to retrieve this situation but it's a hard lesson in taking a pause moment before making any purchase. Ask yourself all the questions the banks ask, and it will prevent this happening to you again.

He’s in Dunoon? I can practically see the place from my window. I will happily go to his door with my 6ft 2 brother. I guarantee the little weasel will shit himself.

You say he doesn’t own his own home? I wonder if his landlord would be happy to know if he was scamming people while living there.

Also, just to add: Dunoon is a tiny little place. It’s one of those places where if you go for the day, people in pubs and cafes turn to look at you because the know you’re from “the mainland.” Everyone knows each other there, so someone will definitely know him if you want to go into some of the Facebook groups.

I’m not on Facebook, but would reactivate my old account to help you get your money back. I genuinely hate scammers - I mean, I hate all thieves, but there’s something extra scummy about people who scam.

Search for his name on the Dunoon facebook pages. See if there have been any comments made previously.

I’ve had a look - there is an active and public fb group with a lot of local chat on it as well as some touristy stuff with 32k members. Called “Dunoon Argyll Scotland”. There are other posts about different scams warning locals - nothing that matches this at a glance but you will have more key words to search specific to the ‘collectors item’. If it’s quite specific/unusual that might be a way to find other victims.

also 👋🏻 to @IDrinkTeaAllTheTimeI must be just down the road a bit from you and can almost see it myself too!

It’s a small world. Sometimes I forget that not everyone on Mumsnet lives in the south of England 😂.

Being Scottish these types of errors always are quite funny. I suppose I would take it on the chin if I completely mucked up thinking Blackpool was South East of England....these things happen.

Also I haven't rtft so I have no idea that it was covered that Argyll and Bute is not the north of Scotland. Anyway, moving on....

Hopefully you get the wee scrote and can get your money back OP. Sounds like you've hit the jackpot as a few are familiar with where he possibly lives.

Yes small claims then I would be posting on his local Facebook groups asking if anyone else has had any issues with him scamming them. People will know him, name and shame. There may be others also and then the police have to take notice

This is exactly the sort of circumstance where chat gpt can be really helpful! I’d do below:

If you paid the £1,000 by an ordinary bank transfer — for example, you went into your banking app, entered his sort code and account number and sent him the money — that is usually a Faster Payment. You do not have to have selected anything called an “APP payment.”
APP simply means “authorised push payment.” It is the technical term for a payment that you authorised yourself and “pushed” from your bank account to someone else’s. In other words, a perfectly normal bank transfer can be an APP payment. The Financial Ombudsman itself describes APP fraud as a situation where someone is tricked into transferring money to a scammer. (Financial Ombudsman )
Since 7 October 2024, qualifying scam payments made through UK Faster Payments or CHAPS have been covered by mandatory APP-fraud reimbursement rules, generally up to £85,000. (PSR )
So I would go back to your bank and say something like:
“I made an ordinary bank transfer to this person because I believed I was buying an item. I now believe I was induced by fraud to make that payment and that he may never have intended to supply the item. Please assess this formally as an APP scam claim rather than simply treating it as a civil dispute.”
The reason I would push the bank is that this isn’t necessarily just a case of a genuine seller failing to deliver something. You had already successfully bought an item from him. He then contacted you offering another item, you transferred £1,000, and he subsequently stopped communicating and blocked you. That behaviour at least raises the question of whether he intended to take the money without supplying the second item.
The bank may still decide that it is a civil dispute rather than fraud, but I wouldn’t simply accept an initial “civil matter” response. Ask for a formal decision. If they reject the scam claim, make a formal complaint to the bank, and if necessary take that complaint to the Financial Ombudsman Service, which deals with disputes about banks’ handling of APP scams. (Financial Ombudsman )
I would also report the alleged fraud through Report Fraud and continue with the civil claim. As the seller lives in Scotland, the civil route is likely to involve the Scottish Simple Procedure rather than simply issuing an English small-claims claim.
And don’t go to his house. Keep all the messages, evidence of the first successful transaction, proof of the £1,000 transfer and evidence that he blocked you, and pursue the bank, fraud-reporting and court routes instead.

I recently got money back from an insurance company by slavishly following chats advice

Also carry on with the small-claims route. Because he lives in Scotland, the Scottish equivalent is called Simple Procedure. It covers claims up to £5,000 and is normally brought in the sheriff court for the area where the defendant lives. You can start it through Civil Online.

And she should do both, not choose between them: an APP-fraud claim with the bank can potentially recover the money through the banking system; Simple Procedure is her direct civil claim against

On the friend, I would not avoid her unless there is some reason to think she knowingly vouched for someone unreliable. From what this woman says, the friend feels terrible and she herself accepts it wasn’t the friend’s fault. Avoiding her effectively makes the fraud cost her a friendship as well as £1,000.
She could simply tell the friend that she knows she isn’t responsible, but that seeing her currently brings the whole episode back and she needs a little time. That is quite different from silently withdrawing and leaving the friend wondering whether she is being blamed.
On online shaming, I would advise against launching a public campaign, naming him as a “fraudster”, “thief” or “scammer”, contacting his employer/family, or repeatedly posting about him. Apart from potentially complicating the police/bank/court process, public allegations can create defamation issues. Both English and Scottish defamation law require serious reputational harm and provide defences including truth, but that does not make public accusation risk-free—particularly while the underlying allegation has not been determined. Repeated unwanted online targeting can also, depending on the circumstances, stray into harassment territory.
If she genuinely wants to warn a collectors’ group, the safer course is to stick rigidly to provable facts, not conclusions: “I paid X on [date] for Y; it has not been supplied; I have received no response since [date]; I am pursuing recovery through my bank and the courts.” I would still be inclined to wait until she has reported it formally and started the claim.
Emotionally, I think the “I imagine him laughing at me” part is where she is tormenting herself unnecessarily. She knows he took the money and blocked her. She does not know that he is sitting laughing at her. That is an invented scene which converts a financial loss into humiliation. The useful response to the humiliation is action: bank complaint, fraud report, civil claim, evidence preservation—and then stop giving him additional space in her life.

I wouldn't think it would be too difficult to find him. It has a population of fewer than 8k.

If he’s running a business then he will have assists check companies house to see if he has a company registered at the address definitely Perdue the small claims.

Hire a couple knuckleheads to " persuade" this person to refund the money

Just swallow it. I got scammed for £3k...went to the police and eventually gave evidence in criminal court.

Anyway, that person later burgled my home to the tune of well.over £60k worth of things. Police did not bother to properly investigate and he got away with it.

I wish i had never gone to police.

Proceed with small claims court but check how that works if you are in England and scammer lives in Scotland.
Ditch your friend who is no longer a friend, unless she/he persuades scammer to refund you. Come on, she is not entirely innocent here, she will have known something wasn't right - who advises friend A to buy something from friend B anyway? You can do without friends like that.
Is it worth putting messages on social media to warn others, nothing defamatory or accusatory. just stating the facts.

Final piece of advice ...... stop wasting money on collectibles.......who wants a load of stuff cluttering up their home anyway? (coming from someone drowning in clutter, so take it with a pinch of salt..)