I’ve been scammed and can’t get over it

[woohoofolks]

I was trusting and stupid. Bought something semi valuable and a collectors piece from a friend of a friend who lives in Scotland with no problems. He then contacted me to say he had a similar item and was I interested. It was a bit more pricey, £1000, and I decided it was worth it and gave him the go ahead to get it and transferred the money. He then went silent and blocked me. The bank say it’s a civil matter as do the police and to start a small claims against him, which I’m in the process of doing but hold out little hope of seeing my money again.

My friend feels awful but it isn’t her fault but I’m avoiding meeting up.

I feel so stupid and angry with myself and just can’t get over it. I lie awake thinking of him laughing at me. I have dreams of travelling to his door and doing something but I don’t know what.

Anyone any advice on how I come to terms with this? I’m by no means well off but the money I can earn back and replace. But it’s just eating me up. Aib

I would go to his door. How close is your friend with him? If a friend of mine did that to another friend i'd be stepping in and telling them to give the money back.

I mean what do they mean it’s a civil matter. You paid for an item and they never sent it. That’s theft surely?

Maybe it’s because you mentioned all this friend of a friend etc… so now they think it’s a dispute between pals.

Your friend should step in here. If also go to his door.

Why Isn’t your friend getting involved here?!

Totally agree.
If it were my friend that stole from you I'd be at their door with you.

Hopefully you're friend isn't in on this awful person stealing from you.

Is this person actually a proper friend of your friend? Or is it someone they just sort of know, or only know online etc?

Your friend should absolutely be taking some responsibility for helping you here, by dealing with her friend.

I’m in Scotland - whereabouts is he? Can always chap his door and ask when he plans to pay the money back.

Start small claims - it’s really easy, you can do it online yourself, you will get your money back. I’ve done it at least 3 times and got my £ back everytime. www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

Go back to your bank, state that he initiated the contact for the second amount showing he had an intent to scam you and therefore it falls under PSR.

How long ago was it? I would imagine it would take a while to get over something like that.

You do need to get past it, you've been robbed of money don't let the scumbag take your peace of mind too. The way I see it, the scammer is a twat, and you might be down some money, but you've got class and principles and you're going to be okay.

I’d be threatening him with social media exposure. Join his local village/ town Facebook group. His local pub, his clubs or sports teams. His family. Anything that he wouldn’t want to appear like a conman on. Don’t let it slide, don’t stop. If he’s blocked you get a PAYG Sim and message him. Get everyone you know to message him.

Police and bank both say it’s a civil matter as I have an established history with him as I had a previous transaction. He lives north of Scotland and I’m in Kent so can’t just go to his door without a lot of travelling and then to do what? Friend doesn’t want to get involved as it was just an introduction around a collectors hobby. The scam she had no involvement with. I’m filing a small claims but just got a feeling he won’t pay.

The injustice is eating me up. And my trusting stupidity.

Been two weeks now

What is PSR?

Do you think they will look at it again? They were quite insistent it wasn’t within their remit

That's not long. Allow yourself to seethe for a while, but genuinely you have nothing to be ashamed of. These people do what it takes to gain your trust and nobody is immune to it.

So, is he active on social media with this hobby and other collectors? Start posting.

Name and shame him, as a warning to others, on all social media groups with this hobby that he might be in or has commented in.

You may already have discovered this but if you’re in England and issuing a small claim against someone in Scotland you can’t use the online Portal. You’ll need to issue a paper claim and include form N510 to serve the claim outside the jurisdiction.

Wow. That’s brilliant. You’ve given me some hope. I’ve sent the intent letter thing so he has 14 days to pay then file small claims. I gather he doesn’t own his home and runs this scam collectors ‘business’ so not sure how they would sieze funds tbh

I really can't believe your friend hasn't at least contacted the scammer and ask what the heck they're playing at.

Some friend you've got there.

No, nothing on social media. Why I feel so stupid. To fall into thinking I’d discovered something. I could, and do, kick myself.

Phone Citizens Advice.

Id go back to the police. By their logic no one can steal something from someone they know. This man has stolen your money.

In fairness I followed it up myself after the initial purchase but yes, disappointed

So if this business of his is pretty much a scam, how did your friend find out about him? The fact that they’re reluctant to get involved and have a word with their mate suggests they’re in on it, or at least know what he does and was quite happy to let him do it to you.

I know! But they said it falls under civil not criminal claim and small claims is the route. It’s a supplier not supplying goods not fraud apparently

Do you have a decent MP? Even if they are rubbish, some staffers are usually decent. Email your MP and ask how the theft of £1000 is a civil matter. He contacted you electronically offering an item you’d be interested in, when he never had any intention of providing it, for the goal of stealing £1000. I’d want my MP to explain why that isn’t criminal and why no one will help.