AIBU to feel cross at online school and autistic daughter over A level results?

[hurtandconflicted]

We were expecting to get the results on Thursday and I had booked a day off to celebrate. However we got the results this morning and they are not great.
Late diagnosis after she started at college and just could not cope so we agreed that she leave in May and then wait to start her A levels online. No financial support from the LA and no EHCP.
At first things were going great and in her mocks she was predicted three A’s. But she took her foot off the gas, not burnt out, just not got herself into a good routine and due to her demand avoidance I resisted being too demanding of her.
We have spent approximately £20,000 on her education and she has come out with B,C and a D. I can’t decide who I am most cross with, school for sending the results on the wrong day or DD for not knuckling down.
Im hoping that someone can talk me out of feeling like this!

She has a disability. If she took her foot off the gas and was PDA why didnt you just pull her out and let her do them when ready.

I feel quite sorry for her.

Surely you would have been more annoyed with the results on the big day off, if that’s how you feel?

It could just be her level, it could be that she took her foot off the gas. Either way, being annoyed isn’t going to change much. My DC are at independent school, but this doesn’t buy you specific grades.

How come you know her A level results today? They dont come out til Thursday.

Well, what ultimately does she want to do for a career? Does it really matter the results? You can’t be angry at her, it’s her disability.

Schools get them in advance

International A levels (Cambridge) were out today. Quite possible an online school would use those.

We don't get them until tomorrow.

ETA: if they are international ones with a different results day, two passes in the circumstances seems like a good result.

They get them the day before, and absolutely cannot release them until 8am on results day.

Don’t be cross with anybody

Your daughter is who she is and will always be , regardless of how much money you fling at her

The results would have been the same whether the school sent them on the correct day or not

Go out and celebrate anyway . Celebrate your daughter. For who she is 👍

Ah yes. I didn't think they were allowed to release them to parents though.

Anyway, BCD may not be stellar grades but they are not terrible. Will they get her to the next step?

Were you at work/out when the results came, so difficult to deal with the shock of not getting what she wanted?

I'd be annoyed in that scenario as I wouldn't be there to support child and deal with emotions if at work.

Unfortunately the huge amount you spent does not guarantee good/better than results.

Are you on England? Schools
don’t have access to A Level results until 1 minute after midnight on the 12th. I would query what you have been sent. There would need to be 2 errors, one by the exam board (allowing access) and the second by the school (sending out 2 days early).

Yes this is what I had thought. So how did you get them @hurtandconflicted ?

As I said above, at least one international board released results today. They are not bound by the same rules.

If you did whatever it took for your daughter to get straight As if it is not her nature, you would be setting her up for a bigger challenge down the line. Just love her for who she is.

Cambridge international a level exam board results day is today I believe.

It’s a blow but it doesn’t define her life and she still has plenty of options. Now is the time to give her a hug and talk her through them (my daughter has ASD, went to private school and had a total breakdown after the Covid lockdown and before GCSEs so your daughter has done really well).

Sorry that you and your DD are disappointed, however well done to her on her achievement. I hope you can hide your disappointment, those are not terrible results and she has more options than many.

also - I would assume your online school must use CIE international A levels and publications of results to students was always due today worldwide. Perhaps your school uses a mix of boards? Pearson international is tomorrow I think and regular A levels Thursday which is more in the press and may have caused you confusion but it won’t be an error.

you can not blame anyone, as a mother of a pda dd myself... she has a disability! How can you blame anyone? It is what it is, well done for the education and she can continue to be educated in other ways, its not over. Do not make her feel like shit op. Please! We need to protect their mental health! Thats a bigger issue in my opinion.

How have you got them already? No A Level results are released to centres until 1 minute past midnight tonight, and must not be given to candidates until Thursday.

Not today they don’t, unless they’ve done Cambridge A Levels.

Because her daughter has done international A-level, and their results day is today.

THIS

I dunno then!