To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

[Fearandanxiety]

Ds is 19 years old and has been on a GAP year and has worked full time in a pub and had a few holidays. He has a place at uni starting this September to study business management. He has started to get cold feet and said it was due to the amount of debt he would get from being at uni, but I think his girlfriend has been putting pressure on him not to go. My parents have offered to pay his tuition fees which is incredibly generous but he has decided today not to go. He has no alternative long term plan and I’m trying hard to hide how disappointed I am. I really think he has a fantastic opportunity and I feel sad that his girlfriend has persuaded him not to go. She isn’t academic and is content for them to carry on working locally and move into together. Aibu?

I would worry, like you OP, about a low skill provincial home town life for him. Not sure what i would do our say though

Doesn’t sound like he wanted to go in the first place
the amount of people if known who’s kids have been railroaded into uni is ridiculous

there was an expectation the kids were going to to uni from an early age irrespective if they wanted to or not
they ended up doing a degree in something they liked with no real career in mind waste of time

if he had something in mind and needed a degree to achieve it he would of gone
sounds like he was going to uni with absolutely no plan what to do after waste of time

I don’t know why people think you can only be successful with a degree mine never went to uni

one did on apprenticeship now on management training program earning 45k
other self employed earning 50k plus and their both still young

I think OP wanted him to go more than he ever did

I mean business management is so nebulous it’s not really worth the cost or the 3 years without any aim for a role, specific sector or coming from a job to upskill. Or a very good/specialist uni

he can change his mind once he’s sure and his gps can put the money aside or he’ll still be entitled to a loan.

a nice conversation and bout plans and future and what it looks like without mentioning the gf straight away is good. Do you think he’s the sort of lad who could be talked out of his education by a girl? Because that also matters, he could’ve being having 2nd thought for a while.

Most of the young people I know who are set on careers or university couldn’t have been talked out of it.

Well, obviously he’ll be considerably better off working in a local pub without any qualifications.

20, works FT and own her own home?
that s amazing - which part of the UK are you in?

But getting an apprenticeship in 2026 is al most impossible and nothing like 30 years ago. .

So for those of you who think a Business degree is worthless, what do you think would be a worthy degree?

Not thinking of medicine or engineering but a degree one could take at most Universities.

Business management is an excellent degree to have

I agree with this. There's no rule that you can only go as a teenager. Let him work in a pub, be with his girlfriend, get bored, realise he wants more and attend uni later on, with a genuine keenness to learn. I think most people would get more from uni in their early twenties than aged 18 or 19. I'd support his decision while casually commenting that uni will still be there later if he changes his mind.

The debt is ferocious. Even with family covering tuition fees, the CoL needs a loan. If people can progress their careers without uni, it could be a wise move.

It's also a very different world from what it was when people left school at 14/16 etc and are already retired at 50. Kids this age won't be getting a triple locked pension. They'll be lucky to get one at all and already can't retire at 50.

Wise decision. He can always get a degree later

university is a huge expense. Hopefully he applies for apprenticeships instead

A business course can be extremely useful, and is not a pointless or vanity subject.

Some others are.

University. For too many an expensive debt ridden route to a low grade job you could have got straight from school.
University is not everything.
There are too many universities, too many students, too many poor courses and too many graduates with useless degrees.
And too few "graduate level" jobs with graduate level salaries to recoupe the debt.

@Fearandanxiety, I was disappointed when my DD said she was not going university. She was working also, but in a job that did have some prospects. After a year she said that she was seeing the graduates come in, with less talent and experience than her and immediately earn more money. The wasn’t an entry level job, before everyone reminds me that this isn’t now the case.

Anyway she went, we are 2 Degrees and a Masters on now.

Keep speaking to him about it. As his parent you have every right to be involved in his future prospects and to offer advice and
to be someone he can talk to.

Could he go to a local university as girlfriend doesn’t want him to go away?

Give him the space to work it out for himself. A few years of minimum wage may focus the mind for them both, and these days careers are so much more fluid and he can always go later.

Sensible lad, IF he gets a job instead.

I have loads of kids, but the 2 I am writing about are 12 months apart-

Kid 1 - worked from 18, now 23, rep for a company, buying own flat worth £200,000 with a 10% deposit. Has company car/phone/benefits

Kid 2 - in last year of uni, unsure what to do after, stacks of debt though has a summer job. Hardworking, but will take years and years to get to the stage Kid 1 is at, even with a degree.

Schools have long promoted uni and saddled kids with unpayable debts with the premise it "wasn't a real debt". I am pleased to hear young ones now not falling for the lie - caveat being they are actually getting a job and not dossing around

There is some sense in not racking up a lot of debt doing a degree you don't particularly want to do. However, that needs to break alongside having a Plan B. Does he have one?

I think it might be wise to take a couple of years out to try and form a new plan. The world of work has changed an awful lot in the last couple of years and the threat of AI taking over many professions is very real. My youngest was adamant that he would do a degree in comms, got in to a good uni but decided to decline and think of a new plan. He is now thinking he will take a year and figure out what else he would like to do, but it will most likely be something more practical and less theoretical. Luckily he has a fun job that keeps him busy 30-40 hours a week so he's not just drifting.

It makes me so sad to hear how “useless” people think degrees to be. Having three years to not have to worry about real life, study something you’re interested in and hopefully have a laugh along the way is an absolute gift.
One of mine is studying a traditionally academic humanities subject that probably won’t lead to a career. He absolutely adores his course and is having a blast. For now, that’ll do me.

There is no excellent degree to have if you don’t have a plan to utilise it, especially these days. He doesn’t sound very motivated right now, a mediocre grade degree with no direction is worth less than not going and taking some time out to work out what you want, in my view.

Not sure how that’s going to set him up for life
all well and good if you can afford to write the cost off not everyone is in a position to

I don’t agree. University can be incredibly valuable even if it doesn’t directly lead to a higher-paid job.

A degree is not only about the career it leads to. You gain transferable skills such as critical thinking, research skills, communication, problem-solving, and the ability to understand and evaluate evidence. In today’s world of social media, misinformation, and fake news, these skills are more important than ever.

I have a BA, two master’s degrees, and a PhD. By the time I finished my studies, my field had practically disappeared (partly due to the challenges facing UK academia), but I would never regret doing it.

The knowledge, skills, confidence, and experiences I gained are things you simply cannot put a price on. Education is not only about earning potential; it is also about becoming a more informed, capable, and thoughtful person.

Too many young people going to uni thinking it's the only way to be successful.

Your DS could look into an apprenticeship. Now that would be smart. Loads of electricians needed out there. Tilers, joiners, plumbers etc. These trades are making a fortune right now and there's a dire shortage at the moment. Many companies are taking on apprenticeship just now. Earn whilst you learn.

Turn this on it's head. Your son is the smart one avoiding all the sheep heading to uni.

I was going to say that too. If you've got a place at a top business school in a good university to study that's one thing. But even then it hardly has a defined career pass where you just walk into a job.

But if not, what's he going to do with a business management degree? Unless he wants to manage a business what's the point.

@Nocommentisacomment, I do agree with you. I see all of the skills you state in my DD and I am continually impressed. She will eventually do a PhD.

Her first degree was in business studies. She now has her own business and she is sometimes frustrated with the lack of those skills in the young people she has taken on and the associates she comes into contact with in the field.