To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

[Fearandanxiety]

Ds is 19 years old and has been on a GAP year and has worked full time in a pub and had a few holidays. He has a place at uni starting this September to study business management. He has started to get cold feet and said it was due to the amount of debt he would get from being at uni, but I think his girlfriend has been putting pressure on him not to go. My parents have offered to pay his tuition fees which is incredibly generous but he has decided today not to go. He has no alternative long term plan and I’m trying hard to hide how disappointed I am. I really think he has a fantastic opportunity and I feel sad that his girlfriend has persuaded him not to go. She isn’t academic and is content for them to carry on working locally and move into together. Aibu?

You aren’t unreasonable to be disappointed. I have a son who’s 19 and know how stubborn and short sighted they can be.

if his heart isn’t in it, then he’d probably go, and drop out half way through which would be a total waste.

cab you encourage him to look at graduate apprenticeships? Possibly a bit late for this year but there are still some about, or wait until Jan for next years recruitment to start.

my son and a few of his friends are lucky enough to have got them and it’s the best of both worlds, experience, a degree part time and a good salary.

Proud for being bullied into changing his decision by his gf? Having some kind of plan or looking into alternative options of degrees or anything else- that's one thing. Simply being worried about debt and then not doing anything productive is not applaud worthy.

Why hide your disappointments? He has no plans and no path. Sit him down and have a stern talk about long term. Mumsnet is fairly uni sceptical but it’s one hell of an opportunity to walk away from. Help him see that.

I can see it both ways, on one hand I went to uni straight after college and got my BA degree, but after I finished it I'd lost all interest in the subject and I walked away with no friends and a useless degree.
I started working as a training and development manager and did quite well for myself but I was pushed into getting a (free) masters, paid for by my parents and got a job that was more related to that, I only lasted about a year.
Then I tried working as a teacher, because the training element was something I really enjoyed, and am now doing my 3rd degree - this time in teaching as I know I enjoy it and it's something I really like. I did however work as a teacher for a year and a half before applying.

Don't make your son waste 6 years of his life on degrees that won't do anything for him if he's happy, university doesn't magically disappear because he's not going before he's 20.

This! Business Management is a very broad degree - I know quite a few who graduated with good BM degrees and none of them have got relevant work now.

Not going to uni is fine, but he needs your support to make a plan for what he’s going to do as an alternative. Presumably he will need to get a job.

Are you talking about a BA in Business Studies or an MBA? Two very different things.

Even if a BA (rather than an MBA), 40 years ago the landscape for new graduates was very different indeed.

Like you, I also graduated 40 years ago. I took part in the 'Milk Round'. had interviews with a number of prestigious companies, received two job offers and accepted one all before I took my finals.

Today, things are very different indeed. The entire landscape for new graduates is totally different. The economy has not really grown significantly over the last few decades and so the number of jobs requiring graduate level skills has also not grown.

If previous governments had perhaps concentrated more on growing the economy and encouraging high value jobs, then there would be greater need for graduates today.

It does seem rash if he is being funded, but I hire a lot of graduates as well as non graduates, and I must say that a busines management degree is absolutely the last thing I want to see on a CV. I'd rather see either proper academic degrees (maths, physics, chemistry, or real Arts subjects like English, history , modern languages, Classics) or people who've worked their way up in any profession and learnt how to earn a living.

Persuade your son to consider an apprenticeship?

Business management is a very general degree.

But employers still want graduates. There is still a ‘milk round’ - we still have a massive graduate fair at our university every year with hundreds of large employers wanting to recruit graduates into grad schemes.

Brexit hasnt helped any of the economic issues. And European countries still have publicly funded education systems that encourage an educated population. It’s like a race to the bottom in the U.K.

Also - there aren’t hundreds and hundreds of apprenticeships flying about! This is a bit of a myth too!

If he’s decided not to go under pressure from his gf it’s obviously not good.

But apart from that, what would his long term plan after uni have been? Most people I know who studied business management did so because they had a family business waiting for them to ultimately take over. If that’s not his case, what other career path did he envisage?

He could do an apprenticeship or start from the bottom in a business and work his way up. He could study business management later in order to stir his career in the right direction. Even with his tuition covered, he’d still have living costs. Is this degree the best investment for him right now?

As long as he doesn’t waste his time partying all night and sleeping all day, it might not be such a bad decision.

Could he do a part time degree? Is there a local uni? He could ask his employer if he could do an apprenticeship but he'd probably be stuck in hospitality management which might be a bit restrictive.

Is there no halfway house. He doesnt go off to uni and stays with his girlfriend and keeps working in the pub but finds a course related to the hospitality industry that gives him a career path? There must be hospitality management courses, even if he moves to a hotel or bigger brewery? He will struggle doing a degree his hearts not in but this might be better for him.

I understand why you feel a degree (paid for) might open up many more opportunities down the line for him though, but its far from guaranteed these days. I also have a bit of sympathy for the giving it up for a girl, who realistically at 19 may not be his girlfriend in 4 years time anyway.

North. Its her and her boyfriends house. Mortgage is cheaper then rent

So, what's Plan B (and also a Plan C). Does he intend on doing something at a local college or apprenticeship?

Make it clear he doesn't get to doss around.

From what I have seen degree apprenticeships are really rare. And then things like electricians, plumbers etc are around but there not for everyone. My friends son is starting one at 16yrs as an electrician, I'm really pleased for them all but 16yrs is very young to decide thats what you want to do for the next four years,

Also, people talk about graduates being unemployed but not the mass of school leavers who don't get jobs or get dead end job that aren't going in anywhere.

He has a full time job

Education is not only about earning potential; it is also about becoming a more informed, capable, and thoughtful person.

Maybe in theory. There are plenty of people with a degree that are absolute knobheads that aren't thoughtful or capable at all!!

My dd has just turned 20 didn't go to uni works full time own her own home and is very happy. If she was at uni and didn't want to be there what would she gain from that.
I agree, Theres no point being there if you font want to be there. Both my boys were 22 when they got a mortgage ( 3 years apart in age). We also live in the north.

I missed the full time in the OP.

Realistically, as a man, this "opportunity" of doing university later will never crop up. Life will get more expensive, with rent or mortgage around it. There will be no off button.

My daughter was offered places at both Exeter and Durham for business management. We thought both courses looked excellent and also covered things like economics and statistics.

This. I actually find beimg in the real world and actually working in a job with a range of different age people shapes a person better.

‘As a man’? Do tell.

God this is a depressing thread.

Why is the only aspiration for our young people to buy a house at a really young age and settle down?

What about doing a study abroad year in another country and having an international experience? Living and studying in another country? Working for an international organisation on placement? Doing an internship for the UN? These are all the opportunities that I see the students in my uni have? We are now back in Erasmus so young people will have some amazing chances to study all over the place. We also have students from 170 countries at our university so a great way to mix with so many other nationalities.

I sometimes think that Brexit has made the U.K. such a depressing inward looking country that no longer values education or any kind of internationalisation.