To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

[Fearandanxiety]

Ds is 19 years old and has been on a GAP year and has worked full time in a pub and had a few holidays. He has a place at uni starting this September to study business management. He has started to get cold feet and said it was due to the amount of debt he would get from being at uni, but I think his girlfriend has been putting pressure on him not to go. My parents have offered to pay his tuition fees which is incredibly generous but he has decided today not to go. He has no alternative long term plan and I’m trying hard to hide how disappointed I am. I really think he has a fantastic opportunity and I feel sad that his girlfriend has persuaded him not to go. She isn’t academic and is content for them to carry on working locally and move into together. Aibu?

@ChasingAllThe Better than what? I said business because the OP’s DS is doing business. If he was going to Bath, he should go. He’s not doing Economics but if he was, Bath would be great.

I would be devastated too. He’s throwing away an excellent opportunity. Can you persuade him to try uni for a year ? And hopefully he’ll love it and get a new girlfriend

Our older son didn't want to go to university when he left school. He did various things before deciding to go after a couple of years. He was ready then, and now has a very successful career.
His brother, on the other hand, went straight to school after university and is also doing well in his chosen career.
Some need a bit of time and space to find their way.

As a teacher of 20 plus years, I am.sick of Uni being the be all and end all at 18. 18! It's a business now. Career wise you would be far wiser to work for a bit, decide what you are actually really interested in, then see if you can get your degree subsidised by an employer.

Mature students get better offers, and you've got a bit of experience. My dd is taking a year out. She has no clue about her interests and wisely doesn't want to rack up debtvfor no reason. She's working her bum off to save and travel. We are not rich, we struggle every month to pay everything and we are both graduates. My son is earning 40k plus through trade, plumbing, at 20 years.

Plus, from the graduate entrance to our trust teacher training course, which dire, I would say graduates are desperate!

If you read my message again you will see you have missed my point entirely.
In no way did I imply a degree from a top university isn’t worth having, nor did I imply it is easier for 18 year olds to get a job (believe me, I know!). What I did imply was that a student attending a university, regardless of prestige, with no desire to be there is a waste of time and money. University isn’t easy, it’s not something you can cost through and if you don’t have the desire or interest to do it you won’t do well, or atleast no where near as well as you could do should you actually want to be there.
I’m not saying the original poster’s Son shouldn’t do a degree; I’m saying if he has the talent to attend a prestigious university he should do so when he is ready, when he actually wants to learn and make the most of the opportunity regardless of what subject that may end up being in. A couple of years gaining experience in any work place can help him decide what truly interests him, give him the motivation and desire to go and study and provide him with experiences any uni would perceive well- especially if he pushes to get involved in projects etc where he can. Presuming he got into a good university on the grounds of good A levels I see no reason why he wouldn’t be accepted again in the future.

Everybody is different but rightly or wrongly reading the original post reminded me of myself. Someone who, 4 years ago, WAS studying at an extremely well regarded Russel group uni. Someone who truly wasn’t ready to be there and was therefore unhappy and not living up to my potential.
I hope to apply to university again this year with a completely new outlook- a desire to be there, a course that is going to help me get where I know I want to go and I am really looking forward to it.
For some, uni is perfect straight after school, for others there is no harm in waiting until they know it’s time for them.

@CAG2003 You are making the huge assumption he’s going to get work that informs him of anything at all. I do agree trades should be considered, but many dc don’t stick this work and there is a ceiling on earnings. Getting jobs as a 18 year old with limited skills is very very hard. Just doing very low level work is not great for informing a young person about a degree.

We also don’t know what university he was going to. This would make a huge difference. Has he given up Bath or Northampton?

University does not suit everyone. My son went, got a Maths degree but still ended up doing something entirely different that did not need a maths degree.

Our friend did a maths degree, then an English degree. He still works in a different field to both those degrees.