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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed that my ds has decided not to go to uni.

333 replies

Fearandanxiety · 10/08/2026 23:02

Ds is 19 years old and has been on a GAP year and has worked full time in a pub and had a few holidays. He has a place at uni starting this September to study business management. He has started to get cold feet and said it was due to the amount of debt he would get from being at uni, but I think his girlfriend has been putting pressure on him not to go. My parents have offered to pay his tuition fees which is incredibly generous but he has decided today not to go. He has no alternative long term plan and I’m trying hard to hide how disappointed I am. I really think he has a fantastic opportunity and I feel sad that his girlfriend has persuaded him not to go. She isn’t academic and is content for them to carry on working locally and move into together. Aibu?

OP posts:
ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 12:35

TBF I think "business management" is a shit degree. Much better to do economics

Dragonscaledaisy · 11/08/2026 12:38

BranClaps · 11/08/2026 11:46

Broad sweep but those that have gone to Uni are the lower earners in my family, all stuck in £45-£60k a year corporate jobs, rather than owning their own businesses.

Almost all graduates I know started on a salary higher than that fresh out of university so it really depends on your degree and choice of university. I would say the wealthiest people in my social circle (i.e. multimillionaires) are graduates and also business owners.

Zippedydoobaah · 11/08/2026 12:38

Waitingfordoggo · 11/08/2026 12:20

@Zippedydoobaah your DB’s partner sounds very lazy and entitled. I guess he could leave her though if not happy. At least then he would only have to pay for the child’s upkeep and not hers. And he could have perhaps avoided getting her pregnant a second time if he didn’t like the situation he was in.

Yes we were all furious about the second pregnancy. His partner is very manipulative though so he won't leave her as he (and all of us) know the children will be used as a weapon. She wants lots of children, her own mum left school and had her first child and has never worked since. Her 'baby' is 20 and she doesn't have any intention of getting a job now. I'm quite certain db's partner will be the same.

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 12:39

Look. It's up to him. Ultimately if it's a "no uni for me mum.. I've got this plan to do this work and do this and that's my plan now" that's fine. If he has no goals whatsoever that's something different.

studiopolish324r · 11/08/2026 12:42

I got my professional qualification by reading a few text books. These days, it's easy to get the information you need to learn what you want.

Maybe he can use the money to start a business instead?

user1476613140 · 11/08/2026 12:57

Tunnocks34 · 11/08/2026 10:23

This. I am actually encouraging my children NOT to go to university unless they want a career which can only be accessed via a degree. But if they want to be say an accountant, they can now do this as an apprenticeship, same with being a solicitor etc.

Very sensible advice. More parents should be advising their children that uni is not always the correct route.

PigletJohn · 11/08/2026 13:20

user1476613140 · 11/08/2026 07:34

Too many young people going to uni thinking it's the only way to be successful.

Your DS could look into an apprenticeship. Now that would be smart. Loads of electricians needed out there. Tilers, joiners, plumbers etc. These trades are making a fortune right now and there's a dire shortage at the moment. Many companies are taking on apprenticeship just now. Earn whilst you learn.

Turn this on it's head. Your son is the smart one avoiding all the sheep heading to uni.

It's worth reflecting that many small business are owned by people with no idea of how to run a business.

This is not helpful to success.

Wingingit73 · 11/08/2026 13:45

The employment market is currently saturated with graduates. There is no guarantee of a job. Dont pressure him and dont blame gf. Just be there.

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 13:45

I agree with PP that education is undervalued in UK, and the university-bashing on this thread is depressing. Not everything is about having a house at 20 and retiring in your 50's!

But agree OP that maybe your son in his circumstances needs a little time to decide his life plan.

BIossomtoes · 11/08/2026 13:46

PigletJohn · 11/08/2026 13:20

It's worth reflecting that many small business are owned by people with no idea of how to run a business.

This is not helpful to success.

Yet they constantly decry the fact that nobody in the Cabinet has ever run one.

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 13:47

Wingingit73 · 11/08/2026 13:45

The employment market is currently saturated with graduates. There is no guarantee of a job. Dont pressure him and dont blame gf. Just be there.

It is saturated with everyone, not just graduates

BIossomtoes · 11/08/2026 13:50

A £60k debt to be unemployed doesn’t appear to be particularly clever.

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:19

I know my DS is much enjoying his corporate office job. He finds it intellectually stimulating and loves his colleagues. He's happy to not to be fixing people's toilets for a living.

BruFord · 11/08/2026 14:19

Starzinsky · 11/08/2026 09:00

Even with fees paid it's still £30k of debt for student accommodation and living costs, 3 years or your life and no guarantee of a job at the end.

@Starzinsky The experience of living and studying in a new place and meeting lots of other people your own age can be life-changing though. My DD (21) is a completely different person to her 18-year-old self, she's met so many different people and is involved in clubs and activities at her university.

But, she's doing a career-specific STEM degree so there's a plan in place.

That's really the issue here. One of my friends also has a 21-year-old who's been working in a pub since 18. She's still working in the same pub and doesn't seem to have any plans. Obviously, it's good that she's working, but her parents are wondering what she'll do next. She doesn't seem to be aiming for anything, just drifting along.

BIossomtoes · 11/08/2026 14:23

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:19

I know my DS is much enjoying his corporate office job. He finds it intellectually stimulating and loves his colleagues. He's happy to not to be fixing people's toilets for a living.

How is that relevant? Thankfully there are people in the world who are happy to fit boilers and bathrooms and fix toilets - and make a lot of money doing it. They’ll still be in work long after AI has made corporate office jobs obsolete.

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:23

BIossomtoes · 11/08/2026 13:50

A £60k debt to be unemployed doesn’t appear to be particularly clever.

It depends on your life goals- the narrative here is that Uni is a waste of money.
There are examples where people did go to uni and did well- e.g. Andy Burnham. But many other more regular examples
I think the message here is not every path is correct for every young person

user1476613140 · 11/08/2026 14:24

Ferralraccoon · 11/08/2026 10:45

There’s been some pretty mean comments on here about people who don’t go to university. Some people will choose to work, get a house, remain in the town they grew up in. I think it’s unfair to suggest it’s boring or not ambitious. They might have strong ties to their community, they might spend time gaining new experiences and travelling. My DH has always pretty much lived in the area we grew up in, whereas I’ve moved around a lot. He likes it here. He didn’t go to university, did professional qualifications and is now CEO of a business in our local city. He’s climbed the ranks and we’ve travelled.

The university route isn’t for everyone. You can still educate yourself, surely that’s what industry qualifications are? It’s not all or nothing. For some people it’s the right road, for others they might want to learn via working. Some might go to university later on.

I went to university 20 years ago and the landscape has changed a lot regarding employment when you finish. Not to mention for a lot of young people, there’s a lot of debt attached to them.

OP, maybe your son is tired of academic learning, maybe he wants to work for a while. Whilst the offer of his grandparents paying the tuition fees is very kind, your ds would still have debt from accommodation and living costs. My ds is 17 and he’s getting bored of college. He works hard but doesn’t particularly want to go to university because he’s not particularly passionate about any subject. He also has grandparents that would pay his tuition. I worry he’ll feel he’s missed out on the experience but ultimately it’s his life. I won’t be the one in lectures or completing assignments. He’s got a part time job locally and once he finishes college, he’ll continue that and look for full time work. Not every young person has a specific plan even those who go to university. They may go because they like a subject.

I value education but can appreciate that education comes in many forms. It isn’t always found just in a lecture hall.

Well said - this is basically what I have been saying 👏

Being educated comes in so many different forms. University is only one way. There are many others.

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:26

user1476613140 · 11/08/2026 14:24

Well said - this is basically what I have been saying 👏

Being educated comes in so many different forms. University is only one way. There are many others.

Yes let's embrace different ways? There are very anti-uni posts here too!

I think it is just not one size fits all

For me, the UK issue is we pressure young people to decide so soon in their lives

user1476613140 · 11/08/2026 14:27

PigletJohn · 11/08/2026 13:20

It's worth reflecting that many small business are owned by people with no idea of how to run a business.

This is not helpful to success.

That's also a fair point.

p0pple · 11/08/2026 14:27

Would he consider open university?

MargoMyDear · 11/08/2026 14:28

My eldest son did then and took off with a friend to Cornwall. He is now a qualified Chef, has a lovely girlfriend and surfs every day.

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:30

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:23

It depends on your life goals- the narrative here is that Uni is a waste of money.
There are examples where people did go to uni and did well- e.g. Andy Burnham. But many other more regular examples
I think the message here is not every path is correct for every young person

Rishi Sunak as well..multi millionaire and even billionaire

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:33

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:30

Rishi Sunak as well..multi millionaire and even billionaire

Okay I am not here to defend Rishi, but example.
I was just saying.. maybe uni degrees still matter? Andy went to Cambridge. I am not saying this is right or wrong, just for discussion.

Argh.. editing all my typos!

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:35

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:33

Okay I am not here to defend Rishi, but example.
I was just saying.. maybe uni degrees still matter? Andy went to Cambridge. I am not saying this is right or wrong, just for discussion.

Argh.. editing all my typos!

Edited

I love Rishi

ponyprincess · 11/08/2026 14:37

ChasingAllThe · 11/08/2026 14:35

I love Rishi

Go for it!

I guess I am just saying there are different paths. And it is unlikely a plumber will become PM. But who is to say who is happier?

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