Old flame says my son is his

[PeterPansCaravan]

In short I got pregnant when I was 22. I am still with the father and I’m now 45.

Recently an old flame got in touch. Says he’s convinced he’s the father of my son. He says we got really drunk at a party and slept together. I have no recollection of this happening.

He sent me photos of himself at the same age as my son and they are more or less identical.

I don’t know what to do about the situation. I’m in bits about it all.

My DH and I have 3 other children and have a good relationship.

No judgement please.

I work in this field and that conviction rate of cases that go to court is not a positive thing, since the introduction of conviction targets it's become increasingly difficult to get the cps to take a rape case to court so the ones that get there tend to have some kind of other evidence CCTV, injuries, witnesses, texts which acknowledge lack of consent etc , which we all know most rapes don't have

It can be
I have had drunken regrettable sex in my past
Where the man has been just as drunk
It was something i regrtted the next day barley remembred but not rape.

Well... to be rape in a legal sense it does have to be found to be rape.

In fairness, I think the thread has taken a turn that she wasn’t expecting.

Yet a number of posters are tying themselves in knots to defend this man when all they know is that he had sex with a drunk woman and then popped up 22 years later to tell her about it.

In which case rape is practically non existent. Yay 🤨

Please don’t do this. The partner and son are adults - they need to consent to a DNA test.

It's strange this has come up now. Has he recently met your son or come into contact with him? The concern would be he will just tell him his paternity suspicions directly and that will blow up your family whether it's true or not.

You said "barely" remembered. Thats not the same.

The OP does NOT remember this at all, and given there was a pregnancy and therefore a potential discrepancy over the father then I'm sure the OP would have remembered and done a DNA test when the baby was born.

I was going to say something like this.

They were at a party chances are he was just as drunk.

What have you said to your dh?

Excellent plan. It sounds to me like you have been raped.
However with the easy availability of DNA testing someone is eventually going to find out the truth if he is the father. You simply cannot hide it these days.
I only recently found out at 63 on Ancestry DNA that my father isn't my father and I was devastated, if my mother wasn't so very old now we would have properly fallen out over it. As it is I'm not going to harangue a woman in her 90's about my father.
I'd tell your husband that you were apparently raped but have no memory of it and this man is claiming to be the father and you all need to do a DNA test and bring it all out into the open.
I can tell you it will not go well for you if your child finds out about this on Ancestry DNA later on in life.
However my baby photos look exactly like the photos of who I thought my actual father was - same blond curly hair and big blue eyes, everyone said I had his face so you can't always go by photos.

So he's admitting to be a rapist - possibly in writing (if the contact was via social media or a text)? This isn't going to go well for him.

No he had no rights. Under UK law a child born within a marriage is a ‘product if marriage’ and legally the husband is the father. DNA is invalid if the child was born within a marriage.

He can remember and op can't, so I very much doubt it.

He still managed to rape her though didn't he.

Is it too late?

I'm certainly aware of someone in our area being found guilty historical offences.

Precisely. If he could manage that, he wasn't that drunk.

Do not do this
son has a right to know his father and true medical history

if true this will come out dome way or other

do a test and deal with the consequences

20 years of child support should have him running for the hills

It wasent necessarily rape if she could consent at the time
Even if doesnt recall it the next day.

Yes.
Also, I find the framing around black out drunk (which specifically means you can't form memories, not that you're unconscious) sex rather uncomfortable, when it becomes 'all black out drunk sex is the rape of a woman', because that framing strips a woman of her autonomy, and gives it to a man.

It diesnt work that way child support only starts when the resident parent puts in a claim.

Sounds a bit twaddle like. She can’t need a photo of him surely. School holidays/ hot day

This was my first thought when I read the OP. Sounds like one of those school holiday posts that someone hasn't thought through properly?