Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

Are you in Scotland ? There’s a means tested school uniform grant of £160 or so for families on lower income. Contact your local council.

We have a shop nearby where you can get uniform free or cheap (drop my old kids' primary stuff off there, but they have secondary too). Think most towns have something like this? Ask on your local socials (anonymous if you prefer).

Go on local facebook & whatsapp pages and ask for contacts for the school pta.

It would be unheard of to not be able to get hold of a second hand blazer, tie or jumper. Everywhere ive ever lived people are giving these away for free every summer. Easily half the class will not have new as anyone with older siblings will be in hand me downs.

You've obviously never worked in mental health, or an MH related field.

I've dealt with clients whose anxiety is so crippling that they can barely speak to anyone other than close family or MH professionals, and with people so depressed that they struggle to maintain the absolute basics, like washing, bathing and eating.

Some poor bastards have both, and that is the worst double whammy imaginable.

What job do you think that someone that unwell could possibly do?

Not sure if we're allowed to make apps but I made over £75 last month on Prograd.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.prograd.app

I've made £170 ish on FreeCash in the last month too though I haven't tried to withdraw it yet. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.freecash.app2

You play games at hit targets which pays you. It's not much money but it may help?

Have you checked the school's social media or pta social media to see if they have a second hand uniform sale? Also, if he is pupil premium, the school may help with uniform, there may be information on the school website as to who the pupil premium coordinator is.

I just checked my county council's website and it explicitly says they do not assist with uniform costs:

"XX County Council does not give money for school uniforms. Instead, we advise on managing living costs and tell you where to find other support. Visit Cost of living support for more information.

Or, if you’re working with an Early Help Keyworker or Social Worker, check with them. They will be able to tell you about any support you can get."

But they've always been tighter than a duck's arse, I used to work for them.

Teacher here. Contact the school. We definitely quietly provide families who are struggling with an entire uniform, including for PE.

We recognise that people don't choose to have this problem. Please don't be embarrassed about reaching out for help. At my school we'd welcome a parent actively communicating with us so we can work towards a solution together. It will also provide a strong foundation for future communication.

Secondary teacher in a really big school here. Firstly, please ignore some of the horrible, mean-spirited comments from people who lack imagination or empathy.

You’ve got the most important items - it sounds like you just need a tie and shoes for Day One. Secondly, this is not an unusual situation. I’ve known children arrive at school with the clothes they had on their back when they had to leave somewhere at speed due to DV or a fire or other difficult circumstances. There will always be emergency supplies via lost property, the ‘lend-out’ box in every year office or via pupil premium money - and I can guarantee that every head of year will have a stash of ties.

It sounds like you have already contacted the school but if you check the website, there should be an admin email address and then you can mark the email FAO the Head ofYr7/ New Intake Manager etc. We regularly get confidential messages as staff explaining that we should not question a child as to why they might not have equipment or full uniform. I’d also second what PPs have said about charity shops and try NextDoor online, as there are often local schemes for people in need that run uniform support. Try your local councillor too - in my city in England they signpost this stuff online.

Wishing you all the best while you get back on your feet and know that you are not alone, and this won’t be forever.

@FastMintSheep im a school governor at a state secondary school- we quietly provide free uniform to any child who needs it plus a breakfast and supper club. Most schools are very good at quietly providing support to students in hardship. Hopefully yours will be one of them. Please email the designated safeguarding lead (dsl) and explain your situation. They will be able to help and also it will be useful background information for them to help your DS start school with other support. Exam results days are 13th and 20th August - there will be staff in both days but obviously their focus will be on the students getting results so I think it’s a good idea to try to speak with a member of staff on one of those days but only to make initial contact and arrange a future date you can talk to them before school starts.

Well done on leaving an abusive situation.

Good luck 💐

If you're on UC, OP, and can't find help/uniform anywhere else, you could get a budgetting loan from the DWP.

I'd only do that as a last resort though, as it means you'll have a bit less UC every month until it's paid back.

I'd also recommend that once you've sorted the immediate problem, you go to

Benefit checker

and check that you're getting everything you're entitled to moneywise. Don't take any notice of the benefit bashers on here, they have no idea how hard it is to recover from the sort of trauma you've been through and lack the empathy to imagine it.

what you’ve said doesn’t appear to apply to OP though? OP has said she’s already planning on getting a job, and is quite opening discussing on here ways of trying to source a uniform for her DS. I would say that whilst op is saying she intends to look for work, it doesn’t make sense in putting it off any longer. I’d make getting work a priority. Time to get out there and get a job…..

Ignore that poster OP. They're over lots of threads being generally mean and ignorant.

Do you feel good about yourself for the 2nd half of your post? You shouldn't; you should feel ashamed.

Charity Shops often have uniform too.

He might qualify as pupil premium in which case the school can help out. However its not as if you havent known about him going into Year 7 and you really should have thought of this before now. Bottom line is he cannot go in without the proper kit and that includes PE kit because he will get in trouble and think of the embarassment for him. He will stick out like a sore thumb and this could lead to all sorts of issues. Admin office are often in over holidays so you should be able to get hold of someone. You are just going to have to find the money for the basics.

YABU. You have to make this a priority and find a way. You cannot let him start high school with no uniform. It's cruel, he will get into trouble, and the other children will always remember it.

He will be nervous enough starting, don't let him stand out like this as well.

There has to be something you can cut back on, or something you can sell, to get him the bare minimum. Even if you download a few survey apps on your phone, you will probably be able to save up a decent amount for the uniform over the next month.

Buy the absolute minimum and build it up. A cheap set of shirts, one pair of trousers, a tie, a blazer.. the least amount possible you can get away with for his PE kit.

Find parent groups online, or even local community groups, and put a post on explaining your situation and ask whether anyone has uniform their child has grown out of.

But don't let him go to school without it. Beg, borrow, steal before you do that.

If you’ve already got trousers and shirts you probably only need a blazer. Poor kid. Ask around and get him a blazer. It’s a heatwave you can buy a winter coast in a couple of months but get the poor kid a blazer a tie and a pe polo shirt if he needs one.

Apart from anything else, other posters have stated that the situation in the rest of the UK is similar to Scotland in that schools will try their utmost to help a family in this position.

The OP has come on here looking for advice; she doesn't deserve to deal with some of the nonsense that has been spouted by a tiny minority.

https://www.shropshirestar.com/news/shrewsbury/shrewsbury-charity-helping-families-buy-kids-school-uniforms-gets-ps60000-boost-8844688

https://www.littlestarscharity.org/what-we-do/cool-for-school/

https://next.shropshire.gov.uk/schools-and-education/school-forums-trusts-and-finance/education-trusts/

Not got time to read all the posts. Contact school on results day. Search for a school parents group on facebook, often second hand uniform there. Also charity shops, 2 near me accept uniform from local schools.

It feels like you haven't really read the OP.
Your post makes it sound like she's just not trying hard enough. Not what someone who has left an abusive relationship with her children and has less than £100 left a month.

If you are in Scotland @FastMintSheep please have a look at the Scottish Welfare Fund website, you may be able to access grants to help you as you are on a low income and are within one of the criteria of escaping domestic violence. You apply through your local council. Hopefully you get something sorted with a bit of Mumsnet support, there are some genuinely kind people here once you've sifted through the truly awful advice and attitudes of a few. 💐

Have you googled school uniform exchange for where you live. Where i am (large city in the North) theres a school uniform exchange based in the city centre. They do lots of outreach events too. It's all completely free donated uniform. No questions asked, anyone can take as much as they need

yes all still live with me my other son is starting year 11 my other one is starting college my daughter is 17 and carrying on with college and my eldest is working but zero hour contract and is awaiting to join the army

People like that poster mistake bluntness for intelligence and think they're superior. I doubt they would speak to anyone like that in real life, imagine just how unpopular they would be.