Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

Wow.
Feel better?

Contact the PTA directly. They’re volunteers so would be more likely to reply during the summer.

YABU, sorry. You’ve known for months that he’s starting school. It’s been plenty of time to look on Vinted, marketplace, your school’s second hand shop,

I know the blazers are always expensive, but there’s one thing you might consider and that is to get hold of one of the blazer badges. If you can find anyone, anywhere that has an old blazer, doesn’t matter size, condition etc, and then you can get a cheaper, plain black (I presume) jacket from one of the supermarket’s school range and then have the badge sewn on. We did that once, iirc it was late secondary when buying a brand new blazer would have been a waste of money at that stage, but we took the badge off the old one and had it sewn on an Asda (I think) plain black jacket and absolutely couldn’t tell the difference.

OP you absolutely don't have to justify yourself to complete bellends who have no idea of trauma, and clinical depression and anxiety.
Just when I think that the the age of "pull yourself together" is ancient history, along comes another beauty. Ignore the nasty batshit posters, thankfully there are still plenty of kind helpful people around.

A lot of schools also have ptfa who are in charge of second hand uniform. One of ours is due to go to secondary school and at the open day the ptfa had a second hand clothing stall.
If there is a PTFA it’s usually on the school
website with contact details.
There are specific FB pages for school uniform so worth looking up one for your area.
It’s worth looking on https://www.wellchild.org.uk/get-support/information-hub/financial-help-with-school-uniforms/ for some other ideas.
Shoe zone have some very reasonable school shoes that conform to the rules that a lot of secondary’s have for footwear

Yes that's right. And she has already done this, it's in her OP.
School, council, Facebook. She's asking for things that she hasn't tried. Some people are actually helping her out.
And considering all she's overcome and is still going through, she's doing bloody brilliantly.

Are any of his primary school friends going to his secondary school? They may be able to lend a jumper or blazer until you can get hold of one, lots of people buy two or more. Also, if the school has a FB page for parents, post on there as current parents may have outgrown items. Or even local sixth form colleges etc who may have had students from there.

God yes YABU. Firstly he’ll be a world of trouble, secondly heading into a new school sticking out like a sore thumb will do nothing for him. Ask on FB for pre-loved.

Between you and the older kids, I'm sure you'll be able to stretch to sorting him out with the bare essentials before September. You'll need to be active in seeking things out, but the advantage you all have is time available.

Vinted? Sales, the basics are cheap in the supermarkets.

27 years as a secondary school teacher here. The most important thing to yr 7 on day one is to not stand out. Even if school are lovely about it, he’ll will stand out in no uniform. Ring school or go in on 20th August; it’s gcse results day and there will be people there. If you can’t get hold of anyone then, go in on the first day which will be an inset day as others have said. They will have uniform and will much rather give it to you than have your socially anxious 11 year old stand out on day one. Then; name everything so you don’t have to fork out again if he loses stuff. While you are there; flag up how much you are struggling with the school. Make sure you are signed up for free school meals. They may well have services they can direct you to. My school are brilliant for this; we even have arrangements with food banks etc but we can only help families we know about and so many don’t say.

Firstly poor advice about turmiong up randomly on the inset day as a) they may not let her in (some schools onlylet in parents by appointment b) usually staff during inset do trainings and have the whole day planned with meetings.

OP, email the school now, some schools may have office staff in, or at least may have them end of holiday for ALevel and GCSE results, so someone will see it before and will forward it to wherever necessary.

Some school uniform shops or schools can sell you the badge to sew onto a supermarket blazer.

Do you have a local branch of the salvation army near you? They often have clothing stock for families

Phone the school. Ours has a bank of uniform for those in need. Ask on local FB groups as someone will have what you need. And yes phone round charity shops and ask what they have. I have a whole bag of stuff here at the mo that I’m about to donate back to our school

Have you checked the school website? My DCs secondary school keeps a store of second hand items (including prom wear) you can request via their online payments system. No charge, you just have to pop into the school office and collect. DDs PE came from there and went back there! You don't have to be short of money to access it, they are happy to do it to reduce waste.

Go to the schools local charity shop, if any charity shop and I promise they will GIVE you the basics if they have them! You can’t send him in non uniform as he’ll be picked on from the beginning first being different. You do what you can to source items even if that means asking food banks and ringing schools umpteen times!

Definitely contact school.

I'm a primary teacher but we allocate some of our pp money to buy uniform when necessary for families in genuine hardship.

How much extra is your rent compared to what you get in local housing allowance? Are you in private rented or social? Is that the main pressure you are paying a big shortfall? There is a possibility sometimes of discretionary housing payments?

there is also the Crisis Fund usually available through your Local Authority if you go on your website

are your household bills high? Gas electric? Anything else you can cut out of the budget

Foodbanks so you have more cash available

Entitled to website to make sure you are claiming all available benefits

you mentioned leaving an abusive relationship is he the father of your dependent child? Do you get any child maintenance? Appreciate this may be a no if there are safety issues and you don’t want to pursue this option. Is he the father of all of the children and if not do you get child maintenance for any other dependents?

have you told your family/friends how bad things are? Is there anyone that could support with some of the basics?

you should be able to approach your local council or advice centre like CAB for some advice. Without knowing how much you get vs what goes out that is all I can think of for now. There may be some support services you have never heard of like Soroptomists etc

apologies if some of this have been suggested I havnt read all of the posts

Good luck x x

You won't need a coat in September so just focus on what he will need then, the blazer and shoes.

There are probably lots of families at the school with old blazers in the right size, it's just a matter of finding them. Have you asked your friends whether they know anyone witj older kids there? Does the school have its own Facebook page/community?

I think for your son’s sake I would try and cobble something together, he’ll stick out like a sore thumb if he’s the only one not in uniform. Most of the supermarkets have really cheap trousers, or local charity shops sometimes have generic uniforms, same for a winter coat, keep a look out in charity shops!

Do you have any decent quality primary school uniform/shoes/coat that you could pop on vinted to raise funds for the new?

Is there a uniform list on the website? It should have been updated to reflect the new ruling on branded items. If you post the non branded generic items on here people could post links to good deals they spot.

I really hope you manage to get it sorted, and just ignore the replies from those ghat obviously need to get into the real world and stop judging others