Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

I have been offered some amazing advice and help on here I feel a lot better now people can be very ignorant I’m just glad I’m not narrow minded like themselves thankyou for your reply ❤️

You could try contacting your local councillor - their surgery details should be on the LA website. They may well be able to help with a hardship fund application and or know of other local funds that might be available.

Whilst the school might be able to help and there might be staff available to talk to you at INSET, there also may not be! Particularly if your son is suffering from anxiety, it might make things a bit easier if he’s got his stuff sorted ahead of then, even if only for the first few days.
Is there a baby bank local to you? The ones near us also do uniform packages at this time of year.
Did you contact his new school
before the end of term? Ours always proactively directs people to its second hand uniform day and you can also email and ask for specific items & sizes and they’ll help where they can.
Does your son receive pupil premium? If so, it might be worth having a conversation with his new school about how that is spent and what they will
subsidise.
With uniform, be realistic about how many items he needs. With my DS now, he does a lot of sport so he just has two pairs of trousers & two shirts as I know I will do a wash at least every other day and am in the position of being able to put things on a heater airer if I don’t think they’d otherwise dry over night. If you’re not washing that often or don’t have a way or the means to dry things quickly, you’ll need 5 of each.

Do you have school uniform banks locally? Check with local food banks, children’s centres, youth clubs etc.

Ask on local Facebook groups if anyone has any secondhand uniform/spares.

Apply to local charities like the Lions or Rotary club who often help out with situations like this.

I don’t really give a shit about uniform generally and think schools enforcing strict uniform codes and punishing kids need to sort out their priorities. However, I would hate for your son to feel singled out or different on his first day. He doesn’t wan’t to be known as ‘the poor kid’ for the next 5-7 years.

Im sure there have been lots of great ideas suggested. Im just adding please do get this sorted for your boy as I'm sure hes nervous enough about starting a new school, without him getting into trouble for not having the correct uniform on the first day. Secondary school really is strict about this.
Our local uniform suppliers are so helpful and collect old outgrown uniform which gets sent to a uniform bank for people in need. Maybe give your local supplier a call and see if they offer the same service & have had any recently handed in or if they can offer any ideas.
Best of luck to you.

Not YABU. But I am amazed at £200. She has 2 shirts and 2 pairs of trousers, so presumably she needs a pullover in school colours? That is surely affordable because the £73 is for this kind of thing. Black shoes, presumably. Best advice is to go on Facebook and ask, I suppose. Better advice would have been to sort this out at the beginning of the holidays.

Also blazer, shoes, PE kit and a coat. PE kit will need trainers and potentially football boots or rugby boots.

Don't be disheartened about the school not replying. The people who can help you are out of office but guaranteed to be able to respond in the two days before start of term. That's when staff are in attendance for planning and training, especially for new intake.
You need to email, marked "urgent fao new intake pastoral lead" and explain your issue.
They will help you immediately as their guest concern is your kid does not feel left out.
Depending on how close you are,, they will ask you to come in and pick up emmergency uniform supplies ("pre loved") or they may even drop off to you if the logistics work.
They will not judge, they will want your child to have the best possible experience in his new school and they will do what they can to facilitate this.
You are not alone in struggling, and all schools have discretional provision.
They are on your side completely, but you do need to be proactive in reaching them as suggested above.

Good luck, OP, I hope you feel a bit lighter knowing there are options out there that might help. And people who understand you've been through/going through a lot and are wishing you well 💓

Do the school have a facebook parents page. We have an unofficial one that a parent is the admin for. People are always offering preloved uniform on there.

Do you know anyone who has older children who already attend? There might be whatsapp groups already setup for their year groups.

Nasty…educate yourself!

It's a good idea to contact a local food bank and see if they know any resources re uniform. Good luck, OP.

I have a blazer sorted now thanks to a lovely member on here that was the item I was stressed about the most I will contact the school and have a look at some of the links I have been sent for the rest thankyou all for your help hopefully he will be the best dressed when he goes back 🙂

Brilliant, what a lovely poster. And that's the main identifying item re what school you go to, so a very good start.

You'll be fine, don't panic, check all the links and advised places and he'll be good to go by September.

do not do this

ask the school for help they have hardship fund

dressing him in lost property is better than having him stand out like a sore thumb

my local oxfam have v cheap brand new m and s. Stuff

go on your local facebook group/s and ask

the school will have a swap buy group

OP, don't be afraid to talk to your son about taking good care of his uniform and other kit, especially the high price items (shoes, blazer, bag, etc); tell him WHY - they're expensive. 11 year olds (and older!) are notrious for being utterly careless with their things and you're stressed out enough without him coming home having lost something, or with badly scuffed shoes!

At our school we have masses of second hand uniform items, which the PTA sell cheaply.
At my discretion, I am allowed to help
myself to uniform items. If you have not raised this with the school before the holidays, be aware that support staff are not paid for the holidays and are unlikely to pickup emails until day 1 of the new term. Contact them at the beginning of term.
It sounds as though your child will be eligible for pupil premium and therefore the school can purchase uniform for you….

Contact any women's aid/DA charities in your area, in mine they can provide grants or uniform vouchers for situations like this

That's genuinely appalling.

In my part of Scotland, the uniform is basically a white shirt and trousers with blazers being optional. No child would get into trouble because of their parents' financial circumstances - most schools round here give new pupils a school tie and I worked in one where seniors would be given a blazer paid for by the school fund if their parents couldn't afford it.

ETA Have just read the updates. Thank goodness.

I can see that there are already a lot of helpful hints and supportive comments here but, just in case it helps for the future, I am a volunteer at a charity shop and we get a lot of school things donated year round (even down to things like tights and gym clothes). We keep them at the back as we have links with local social workers and support groups rather than charging for them and have happily given them to families in our community. Might be worth reaching out to see if shops in your area do the same xx

I agree. You must provide a uniform. Maybe your area has a facebook or freecycle board. You absolutely can't send him without the correct uniform.

Yes, the kids going in to yr 9/10/11 will have outgrown their yr 7 uniform...

Sorry to hear this OP. I hope you manage to get sorted, it sounds like it’s been a really tough time for you.

I don't know if anyone else has said but is there a patch of the school logo you can buy at the school uniform shop and sew on to a generic uniform shop blazer? That often works out much cheaper and was what we did as I went to school in a deprived area. Not many could afford the official blazers

We have a local charity shop that always has loads of the local high school uniforms in. Might be worth a Google to see if there’s any near you? Also can you apply for a school uniform voucher? When I was last on UC this was a thing. I appreciate it might not be the same now.