Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

Beg, borrow, steal before you do that.

Wtf?

Brilliant advice! Outstanding. 🙄

I am SLT at a secondary school. If a parent contacted us in this situation we would absolutely provide uniform.

Contact school and explain. They wi provide what is needed. Ring council to locate uniform bank. Ask older children to chip in.

Contact your local women's aid and let them know you've recently fled abuse. They'll have funds to help women and families in your situation, they will be able to provide you with other support too.
You're a good mum and obviously doing your very best to provide for your children.

Sorry you’re in this situation OP. I am just wondering if you and your son were given any sort of new starters pack - perhaps when he went for an induction/taster day in summer term? If so, this might be worth a look as it may have suggestions on how to access second hand uniform, and who to contact if you have any problems.

A PPs suggestion of going to the school on the teachers inset day might be very useful, and someone else mentioned emailing ahead of this. This is also a very good idea as staff will likely be in dealing with exam results. The school website will also be worth a look if you have access to a computer (if not, libraries often have public access computers). If you can find information on pupil support at the school, you might pick up some useful contact details.

Wishing your son a very positive start to his secondary education, and sending you strength.

Also work in a school. Email the DSL today & "Admin@school" and "finance@school". DSL will be monitoring emails. Finance may work most of the summer. Admin and heads of dept/Y11 (who may then be the Head of Y7 in Sept) will be in. Weds/Thurs this week is A level results and Weds/Thurs next week is GSCE results day. Emailing all these will mean your message will be read.

Explain your situation and what you need. Ask if they have anything your son could borrow for a few weeks if they are unable to provide things permanently. Ask for the PTA/Second hand uniform shop details so you can source things from there going forward. Plus if there is a FB/WA group for the same,

My DD put on a bit of weight in the 2 months between me buying her Y7 skirt and starting. We realised 4 days before the start of term. School supplier was out of stock! I emailed the school and a lovely receptionist picked up the email, got in touch with the PTA, rummaged in the second hand uniform stock in the basement and came up trumps for us. I just had to turn up at the school the next day to pick it up. They could not have been more helpful (super posh ex-grammar school, but no judgement from the school - all they cared about was DD was not uncomfortable on her start on the first day).

They will have stock. They will be able to help you.

And, if you are not already registered for Free School Meals through the council. get registered. Even if your DS is unlikely to eat the meals, being FSM registered means it is "easier" paperwork wise/authorisation wise to help you. (Govt fault, not the schools)

A minimum of parenting is to provide clothing for your child. You want him to be successful in life I assume, so you need to set him off to a good start in school.

Why are you talking to the OP like that? She has been through a terrible time. You're another one mistaking bluntness for intelligence.

ETA What do you think the OP is doing by starting this thread? Providing clothes for her child so what's your point?

there has been a tremendous amount of damage done to myself and my children which

ex husband was a tyrant the damage he has caused to all of us is extreme

Check if there's FB or other platforms with parents groups from the school. We had one - it gave away/sold Preloved items all the time.

Also email the school admin / reception desk again, but also give them a call or drop in if possible. They're really helpful with all sorts.

Why be nasty?! Kicking people when they're already down isn't very mature of you.

@FastMintSheep send me a PM with your contact details, size and a link to the blazer and I will send it to you.

[I know the usual MN warning but I am not concerned about being scammed over £40.]

Oh piss off. where's your empathy?

That's really kind of you.
X

Check school policy, sometimes kids on free school meals get either free uniform or uniform vouchers.

Honestly that is so kind of you but @ocdmama has already kindly ordered one for me thankyou so much though I honestly appreciate your kindness thankyou

I feel sorry for people like this and I honestly pray none of there family go through what me and my dc have image having a parent etc with that kind of view no wonder so many people are afraid to ask for help

https://www.littlestarscharity.org/what-we-do/cool-for-school/#referral-form

Apply to Little Stars tomorrow. They will fund uniform as part of their charity.

This is a structural problem baked into how British schools think about discipline, identity, and “standards”, and it routinely punishes the families who can least absorb the cost. Schools often enforce uniform as a proxy for behaviour, meaning children can be sanctioned, isolated, or humiliated for non‑compliance. The burden falls disproportionately on single parents, young mums, and families on benefits. * *It’s a cultural inheritance from a very dated British idea of schooling: discipline, conformity, and “presentability” as moral virtues. Most European countries such as France, Germany, Italy, Spain, the Nordics operate perfectly well with dress codes rather than uniforms.

Uniforms are wrongly sold as “levelling the playing field”. In practice they create a new form of hierarchy - those who can afford compliance and those who can’t. The child becomes the visible symbol of the family’s financial struggle. That’s not levelling. That’s punishment. People argue that uniforms prevent bullying. Bullying simply shifts to shoes, bags, phones, accents, bodies, or hair. Uniforms prepare children for the workplace. Most workplaces don’t require uniforms. At most there is a dress code. Uniform rules in the UK often function as a way for schools to assert authority. But when that authority is exercised over families who are already struggling, it becomes coercive rather than supportive.

Could you apply to the council household fund? You can't send your anxious DC to a new school looking different to other DC as it will make him more anxious and he might refuse school altogether. Ask on Facebook if anyone has any spare uniform for his school. You have been given trousers and a shirt so try to buy him the blazer.

Well done to the ladies offering support, uniform and not judgement. We are all one incident away from being in a similar boat. Let’s not judge people in difficult situations. Hope you can get the shoes sorted OP. Secondary uniform is incredibly expensive, our school always asked for donations of old uniform so sure they’d have had some supplies for this kind of thing, but glad you’re sorted now. Wishing your child all the best in their new school.

Which is what OP is trying to do

Thankyou some of the posters have been so kind and yes just shoes now which I can get at a stretch so nearly there I honestly feel like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders thankyou

Very insensitive I’m trying my absolute hardest you have no idea we are lucky to be even here at all but thank you

OP & others in a similar position, please ignore the posters telling you 'you should have done' & u had time to prepare etc. 🤦‍♀️

You've recognised that there's a difficulty and you've asked for a way to overcome that difficulty.
You've got a way forward now.
I know that there's others who will benefit from advice & recommendations made on this thread.

I've been on the PTA at 3 different schools.
The amount of unclaimed uniform in good condition at secondary school was staggering.

LABEL EVERYTHING! I used a black Sharpie and that took a few washes to fade.

Lastly, your openness with school will hopefully create more support for your son, you and by extension, your whole family may benefit.

Keep going! X

The office staff are probably in school now. Don’t leave it till the start of term