Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

You're more than welcome sweetheart.

Happy to see how much excellent advice you're getting on this thread. 🌸

Did you not get your school grant everyone on universal credits get a one of payment for school uniforms every year .usually around £100 it may vary county to county but the average is £100 and he should get free school meals

I think this is very unfair as you do not no the situation we are in my ex husband was a tyrant the damage he has caused to all of us is extreme not that I’m obligated to answer to you benefits are a safety net for this kind of situation I plan on getting a job when I’m mentally and physically ready and when my children can cope my 15 year old isn’t in education atm due to a lot of struggles he has and looking after him is a full time job in it’s self I don’t understand people like you honestly I hope you don’t have any rough times ahead because you will definitely be in for a shock

Your messages to the school wouldn't have been answered if the office staff don't work through the hols.
The school will defo be able to help in Sep.
Blazer tie etc what ever it is that you are missing.

Even if they loan you until you can get some donated bits thru FB or other families at the school.

Wishing you and your children all the best.
X

Very true unfortunately always someone to kick someone else when they are down

Not sure if already mentioned, but if you get universal credit you can get an advance for school uniform.

Maybe your in a area where they get to much donations I don’t no why they wouldn’t take it ,it seems like a lot of people struggle with uniform

Op is the blazer optional or not. My sons school it's optional. It will be warm in September he won't need a coat or blazer yet.

Please contact the school they will be used to dealing with this. All schools have 2nd hand uniforms in the building.

When my son lost his jumper the pastoral team gave him one from their 2nd hand cupboard. They can help you

I have already asked then but as I’m repaying one already I’m not eligible for another one

Hi OP, all the schools my kids have attended have had PTA, sometimes just PAs, who organise regular pre-loved uniform sales. The school or the school website will have an email contact for the volunteers or PA chair. I did this for a friend who’s son transferred in year ( to a different school to my kids) and my friend ended up meeting a dad from the PA near the school car park one evening and was offered a whole range of uniform, including PE kit, with the option of making a donation to the PTA if able, no problem if not, and very sensitively dealt with.I have always volunteered at my kids schools uniform sales and I suggest going forward you do the same, it’s worthwhile and you can pick up your own kids stuff at the same time for bargain prices eg blazers are £5, most other things one or two pounds. Good Luck!

are you entitled to free school meals? Our schools give parents £200 towards uniform
in year 7. Email the school if you are and ask.

Personally 8 strongly believe we need to get rid of all branded uniforms and replace with something like many primaries do - ie. Black trousers and plain blue jumper

have you got a local food bank? You could use that for a few weeks and use the money saved on food for some uniform.
also you can get super cheap shirts and trousers now from Asda and Amazon etc. As long as he has these then he won’t look too out of place if it takes you a while to sort the blazer for example. But definitely contact the school to let them know and they might have spares or some funds available to help. Ours does.

I think the grant depends on where you are in the country it’s different rules for every county I think but there’s definitely not one here I’m in Shropshire

As well as Facebook have you tried placing Wanted requests on Olio and Freecycle/Freegle? Hope you get some help.

Definitely ask on any local Facebook groups or school groups/WhatsApps. I’ve managed to get a blazer and two jumpers for my son starting year 7 in September. My son’s school will always help with uniform when requested so do follow up with the school. The PTA may have a supply of second hand uniform or the school may be able to help you with the cost.

Can I also add - OP, please ignore people saying to go in on results day - I would strongly advise you not doing this.

Teachers will be incredibly busy on results day supporting students whose grades are not what they were expecting and doing the admin for this - contacting exam boards, contacting sixth forms, unis, etc, helping kids with Clearing and so on. No one will have time to be sorting out a new Year 7's school uniform on a day when children's university places / sixth form places are the priority to sort out.

Please just contact the Head of Year 7 and the school office (as I think you've already done) and wait to hear back. Someone will get back to you before the start of term, I promise. Going into the school is not really ideal as you can't guarantee the right person will be there to help you on the day you go in.

Where I am, there is a Facebook group for uniform and also some of the charity shops have a rail just for uniform. I’ve never had any issues getting my hands on second hand uniform because teenagers grow like weeds. Also, when my dd had grown out of something I was pleased to be able to get it out of the house!

Vinted. Or the school itself will have 2nd hand uniforms. Charity shop for a coat. Social media as others have said. Most people would be happy to give away outgrown uniform.

He's going to need shoes ( use old ones? ) school trousers, a shirt, tie and blazer for the first day. He'll need PE shorts or joggers and top for the second week - he can use existing trainers if you can't afford uniform ones for a few weeks.
He won't need a coat or jumper till after half term, and maybe not then. My boys never wore a school jumper at all, or a coat, but that was their choice. If your son feels the cold, he can wear layers under the school shirt.
You could broaden your search for second-hand uniform...try Olio, your local street WhatsApp, asking friends. You might find if you put up your own ad rather than just looking at what's already there that you get more responses.
I do think the minimum uniform is a priority, if you send him into school not in uniform, you are setting him up to fail. This is more important than your pride, if you have to ask family to lend you money/contribute, then do so.

Check local charity shops, contact the local food banks they often do uniform swaps.
Local charities such as the Salvation Army/ sr Vincent de Paul may be able to help. Local churches are worth a shout. Again local Facebook groups aswell for second hand uniforms. Try the school again they might be doing a used sale

Contact your local Baby Bank to see if they have any secondary school uniform. Contrary to their name, our local one also provides for children of all ages including secondary school - clothing, uniforms including for specific schools, shoes, coats and raincoats, school stationary etc. Don’t be afraid to ask for just normal clothing too. Our one can also provide clothing for mums, plus toiletries for all the family.

Please do contact your local one and if they can’t help ask them if they can suggest where else you could try (I.e charities or grants etc).

Also, go into charity shops at least a couple of times a week to check if they have generic uniform, coats and shoes.

I also work in a secondary school and like you’ve already heard, the school will do their best to help you.

Definitely contact your primary school too - we often sort uniform for kids who are moving on to secondary.

@FastMintSheep I'm a secondary school teacher and schools always have second hand uniform to hand out for low income families. We get lots of donations from pupils who have finished school or move.

Just phone or go in on Thursday morning if they do A Levels as there should be some senior staff that can help.

Please don't let this cruel and ill-informed post get to you. There are people who don't understand that anxiety can be an incapacitating illness; they seem to confuse clinical anxiety with day-to-day worry. The poster has no understanding of your situation, and you do not need to justify yourself to them.
You have some kind and helpful responses on here, good luck on getting your son's uniform sorted, and I hope things get better for you soon.