Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

I have been around a long time but I live in hope. Gone are the days when humour was a thing to lighten dark situations. These days people are nasty for the sake of it because no one knows who they are.

Have you asked his old primary school for any help? I don't know if they already know you and your situation but they might be able to get hold of someone at the school or know other organisations that can help.

@FastMintSheep, please contact the school and be honest. The PTA used to run 2nd hand uniform sales and the organisers kept back blazers and other key essentials for families in need. They are likely to be able to help.

2nd hand coat, supermarket shoes.

Also for those saying no one will be in, no one will be checking emails - this isn't true!

In this day and age a lot of us have our emails on our phones. The Head of Year will certainly be checking emails over the holiday - particularly Head of Year 7, as they will have a lot of anxious parents with questions and all sorts of pastoral things to sort out for the incoming year group.

The school office will also be staffed. Over the summer, schools get a huge amount of building and maintenance work done and there needs to be someone on site. Teachers will also be dropping in at various points to sort out classrooms or do bits and bobs of work - it's not as if everyone disappears and the doors are locked and you can't get access to anyone for the entire summer!

You have not failed at all! The school will be able to help you, but it might just be closer to the start of term.

Contact whoever is in charge of year 7 pastoral support - in our school there is a head of year, but your school might be different. The info should be available on the website. They’ll hopefully be able to get in touch with you in the days before school starts, or even next week when results days starts. They’ll be able to provide the necessary things or support you to get them.

Retired teacher here. Our school would most definitely support you with uniform, shoes etc. Please get in touch with them next week so they can help kit him out before school starts. Staff will be in for A level and GCSE results day so I'm sure someone will be able to help. Sounds like you are doing a grand job x

Do you feel better after posting this? Did it help quell your righteous indignation? Berating a woman who's managed to get herself and her kids out of an abusive situation but has been left with some psychological battle scars that are currently limiting her capacity to work.

Better hope karma doesn't come knocking, hon. It usually finds a way.

In my area there is a charity that offers all the local school uniforms second hand or some new items. The school will also have items available. Not wearing a uniform will single your son out.

Have you been in any class WhatsApp groups? Posting there might help - some of the families might have got outgrown uniform from older siblings, , or might know where to find secondhand uniform.

Go in on Thursday 20th which is GCSE results day - that gives you more time to sort something out than if you leave it until the INSET day.

You ideally need one more pair of trousers, one more shirt, two jumpers, blazer and tie, PE kit, school shoes and bag. The coat can wait until October.

Thank you 🙏

Yes another poster recommended going in on results day thankyou

Could you post on face book for your area asking if anyone is selling second hand blazer and jumper for that school in size x? I bet they would give them to you. I’ve gifted lots of uniform to strangers on fb and to pe kits to the school.

No I haven’t I’m not aware of any as he’s just about to join

Call the school and ask for the head of year 7 or the SLT Pastoral / Wellbeing to give you a call on their first day back. SLT should be in this Wed/Thursday with results day on Thursday.

I assume you have already asked admin staff at the school if there is a school run or PTFA run uniform bank?

And hopefully the school will have a second hand collection. Where I invigilate the school is great at supporting families and has a stock of blazers, ties and school shoes for both sexes that it can provide.

I already have a few people came forward but then never replied to my pm

If the school teaches A levels as well there should be staff in this Thursday (13th).

I was thinking of primary school ones, either for him or your younger children.

73 quid a month left over after bills and shopping is more than I have and I work 🤣🤣
Shirts are 3 quid for 2 in asda at the moment. Trousers are 5 pounds.
Depending on your schools rules, will determine the rest. Jumper, blazer, tie etc
The school will have some. It will be fine. Promise.

Omg please do not do this OP! Sorry you are having a rough time of it but please explain to school what is happening and your situation! Schools have funding for situations like this and can also support your son in school with other things if needed. They can also ensure you can access food banks if needed! There’s often no judgement as it’s sadly such a common thing now days. Good luck xx

I know I need to get a job and I am not relying on benefits long term I also don’t expect everything on a plate but there has been a tremendous amount of damage done to myself and my children which we are working through together and benefits are there to help as a safety net at times like this thankyou for sticking up for me and understanding some people just don’t get it ❤️

Are all the children in college still living with you? Is there any reason why they haven't got vacation jobs?

Yes I have but have had no reply as of yet thank you

Also there are staff in schools. The whole teachers lounge around for 6 weeks is a myth. I work in safeguarding and we can always speak to someone in the school if needed xx