Aibu to send my son to school in non uniform

[FastMintSheep]

My ds is due to start secondary school in September he is going into year 7 I’m on benefits at the moment due to anxiety and depression after leaving a 18 year abusive relationship I have four other children who are in college and one ds works and is going into the army in November hopefully,as you can imagine I have around 73 pounds a month left after rent bills shopping etc is paid I am hoping to get back into work soon but at the moment my main priority is myself and my dc mental health,So as mentioned my youngest ds in due to start secondary school the uniform will cost around 200 pounds he also will need a winter coat,I have applied to the council where I live but they said they are running extremely low on second hand uniform and don’t have any of the uniform my son needs they were kind enough to give me a pair of trousers and 2 shirts as that’s all they had ,I have applied directly to the school but have heard nothing back would I be unreasonable to just send him in the trousers and the shirt and maybe a plain black jumper?would I get into trouble for this or would my son?I have looked on fb but there’s nothing I don’t no what else to do I also don’t know how to approach the subject with my son he has severe social anxiety and I’m worried he might try and refuse school I honestly feel like such a failure.

Are you new to Mumsnet? This happens all the time. Someone posts to say they’re in some kind of trouble and someone always comes along to point out how much better they are/that would never happen to them/whatever happened was their own fault.

There’s a reason Mumsnet has the reputation it does.

OP, I'm a teacher.

The school will be able to help you. There will be plenty of uniform knocking about that you can have for free. Our school office looks like a jumble sale at the end of the year with all the unlabelled jumpers and coats we can't reunite with their owners.

Please contact the school via email and let them know you are struggling and need support. They will be able to provide you with uniform and then you will also be on their radar for some extra support once your son starts. If you can find the email for the Head of Year 7 on the school website, that would be the best person to contact.

Don't worry or feel ashamed/embarrassed to ask for help. We all struggle sometimes and the school's priority will be to support you and your son as best they can.

But he still needs clothes, OP, so if you're not buying second-hand uniform, you will have to buy him something else (and he'll be growing out of any clothes he already has). Speak to the school, and maybe the PTA - they will be able to help you get the uniforms.

@FastMintSheep try your local charity shops....a lot of people donate school uniform. Does the school have a second hand uniform stall? Good luck x

The winder coat can wait- he probably won’t need it straightaway. He’s got trousers and shirts. Keep posting on fb groups asking. You could contact your local women’s refuge/women’s aid and ask them if they have any contacts or ideas. This is a repeat problem that many families in yours and similar situations deal with. I have in the past too but luckily my children were primary school age so a lot easier to get and cheaper.

I hope your situation improves soon. And please make sure your child’s HoY and others at school know what you as a family have been through. He and you need understanding.

There should be an INSET day before the students go back. Contact the school and explain you’re struggling to afford the uniform. They will have spares he can access until you get sorted but please don’t just bury your head in the sand and send him in in his usual clothes. He will have a horrible first day - targeted by peers and also spoken to by staff. I hope you get sorted.

Our local food bank has uniform donations at this time of year.

Please sort him some uniform. Try your local Citizens Advice for grants or specialist charity help available in your area. There may be some things you can avoid getting like a jumper. My DCs never wore theirs. Trousers, blazer, shirt, decent shoes and correct PE kit will be essential though. Coat can wait for a bit until it gets colder.

I have trousers and shirts I can post to you
. DM me.

When you email the school also copy in the Trust - go online and find contact details - and mark your email urgent. Your son needs to. E kitted out before the first day and the Trust’s admin staff will be on normal contracts not term time only.

schools have so much lost property - they can and do dip into whatever hasn’t been claimed by the end of the last year. Bizarrely this always includes a huge volume of winter coats.

Not sure if this is a usual thing or just our area, but our local library takes in and distributes second hand uniform. With social anxiety he is going to feel awful if he sticks out in non uniform. They usually also do all the photos in the first week too. The school most likely opens a day or two before term begins, so call or drop in in person and see if you can get some supplies. Have you asked around neighbours? Someone might have some in cupboard somewhere that they don't want.

Indeed. Add to that he will be stopped constantly by staff asking him where his tie, blazer, etc are.

The reasons are extremely relevant. There is a big difference between refusing to get the uniform and not being able to 🙄

Nobody is likely to be reviewing emails at
the school. If they have a 6th form - try this Thursday as results are out or the following Thursday when GCSE’s are out as staff will be in.

They will either help you out directly or point you in the right direction.
But like others have said, try the local Facebook pages for hand me downs. Then you just have the shoes to get.

Does the working DS not get universal credit as well? Do any of the college children work part-time or receive grants? It sounds like you are paying for everything but if you have 6 children and only one is in school, the others should be paying their way at home.

The school will have a fund for this.

Most schools have second hand uniform items and there will be a couple of inset days when staff will be in before term begins for the pupils. Get in touch then and explain what you need. They should be able to provide it and don’t worry- many families do this

Dont worry about a coat it will not be needed in September the kids all wear the blazer like a coat. You wont see any teen boy in a coat before probably December if then.
You can get a plain black blazer cheaper from m&s about £25 then get the badge separately from the uniform shop and sew it on.
Go in local charity shops as they may have uniform for the school people have handed in - ive just handed a secondhand blazer of my sons in to the local charity shop as its outgrown.
Is there a reason you werent thinking about this earlier in the year, in time to contact the secondary school before term ended to ask for help? They will likely be able to help this situation is not that uncommon.
A pp suggestion of going to the school on results day this week on thursday is a good one, staff will be there.

On our area one of the food banks also helps out with school uniforms. Also our school PTA collects uniform and sells it on very cheaply (they also discreetly give uniforms to people that need them).
DCs school is very strict on uniform and the students get detentions for not having the correct uniform, but the school is also very careful to check with parents if they need any help. You should have considered your money situation in early July when the school was still open.

Are you or your DS vegetarian/ vegan? If so the vegetarian charity can offer grants - my friend got one to cover school uniform for her kids: www.vegetariancharity.org.uk/application-form.html

I do feel for you, I’m also on benefits and in temporary accommodation due to homelessness. I buy little and often so I don’t end up with an impossible feeling situation like you find yourself in, so I’d buy say jumper one month, a few shirts the next, shoes etc. not that that helps now, but hopefully going forward? Many councils have a crisis fund available for situations like this, if you haven’t already apply asap and outline exactly what your son needs with prices so there is no back and forth discussion and you hopefully get an award quicker. Best of luck

Speak to the HOY and explain the situation. My school has a fund for scenarios like this.

Contact the school. A uniform will be found for him.

I don't think starting the year wearing different clothes to the other kids is good for his mental health op, even IF school don't penalise him.

are you getting all the money you can claim off benefits if you've 5 kids in education?

do the older kids not have any uniform for that school or have you moved out of areA? have you tried the local charity schools?

from Sept schools have to limit the no. of branded items so it's worth checking you're not buying branded if you don't have to

Are you on a WhatsApp group for new year 7 parents? Parents with older kids at the school.might know of uniform available or have siblings in older years looking to offload blazers etc

If you aren't, any of your son's friends heading to the new school from primary? If so, they might known of second hand bank to get new uniform?