Teen daughter has come out gay

[nowhatx]

My teen daughter has told me she’s gay. I’ve told her I love her whatever she is and we’ve had a cuddle. I’ve had a cry on my own. I don’t know why????? She’s 15

is there anything I need to do or nothing I’m just a bit taken back and nobody to talk to x

Of course you have concerns, we all worry about our kids. But, speaking as the mother of a gay daughter, I’m not sure why you’re crying. When DD2 told me I already knew but tbh it’s such a non issue now. I know people talk about homophobia but good grief I think misogyny from men is such a bigger worry.

I hope it all works out for you op. She’ll be fine, promise.

I am straight but one of my adult Dds isn't which is not surprising given that one in 10 younger people identity as being LGB. This means that if you have 2 children there is a one in 5 chance so yes, I think anyone who is "floored" by the idea is naive at best and probably quite homophobic too. And FYI her life isn't that different apart from the fact that she is married to a woman rather than a man. If anything, I quite envy her for that.

I agree.

Absolutely this!

Such a great way of putting it!

This!
also a bit confused about the ‘different version’ of a daughter posts. What different version exactly??

Hey, I cried too when my son came out. Not because I was sad but because I was proud that he felt he could tell me. And because he asked if I still loved him...But I was worried.....because I know how nasty people can be about gay men and I didn't want him to have to experience shit because of his sexuality. Luckily he never has..
You're her Mum......we feel them...we feel for them....we know that the world can be a shifty place...but we raise them up so they can deal with it...
My only piece of advice ( which may seem obvious ).....keep the lines of communication open so she feels able to speak to you about her sexuality, feelings, girlfriends etc just like you would if she was heterosexual xx

I'm afraid people who blithely state that there's no homophobia anymore and nobody cares if people are gay, simply haven't experienced it. And it's happening in school.

I teach in a secondary school and granted, we're in rural East Anglia so perhaps not terribly progressive, but I spend some time each week unpicking difficult statements and behaviour. I have heard various things over the last year from the trite and tired "ramming it down people's throats" (because we had an assembly on inclusivity) to the abhorrent "fucking faggot" scrawled on a student's planner. I've reported a family where the father physically chastised his son for coming out and parents have kept their DC home when we've taught things like Angela Eagle's "Not Going Back in the Closet" speech as an example of powerful language. Those are just a few examples.

Oh how I wish the world had completely accepted sexuality. Homophobic bullying is still happening.

Except that these days, male bodied people expect to be treated as if they are gay women, and shame actual gay women into sleeping with them. And even if that wasn't the case, IPV is actually quite high between gay women.

does being a lesbian magically mean you no longer face any misogyny from men then???

And who on earth are you to dismiss something you personally will never experience as whether it's a big worry or not?!

I don't understand why people are acting as if OP crying = she's disappointed and ashamed of her daughter. My mum cried when I moved away for uni, when I graduated, when I got married, when I had my first child...(not to mention random adverts and all sorts of other stuff - tbf she is a bit of an emotional person!) None of which she would have said were bad things or things she wished didn't happen to me! Sometimes crying is just a way of expressing strong emotion.

“Whatever she is” that’s terrible.

The correct answer is “OK. Thanks for telling me.”

Noone has said there is no homophobia though. There obviously is but there is also misogyny, racism, ableism etc etc. Most young people aren't homophobic though and girls in particular don't usually care. One in 10 young people identy as LGB.

I thought that too.

“Normal relationship with man” rather than abnormal with a woman?

Of course I don’t think that. Don’t be ridiculous.

I think it's best to work on the basis that if she's gay now that's how it will always be. Some people's sexuality may be fluid but not everyone's is. If her sexuality changes later, cross that bridge at that time. Right now the possibility is irrelevant.

It’s fine to worry, it’s what parents do.
Mine did because they knew that life could be harder to navigate as a gay woman - and it can be.

Not all concern is homophobia, Christ.

Sorry OP that people have chosen to platform their virtue at the expense of you and your daughter.
She will be fine, if there are rocky times and upset with gfs/homophobia/anything like that just carry on having her back. It’s all you can do.

Grandchildren are never guaranteed.
Gay women have children now

How old are you though. If young, in what way has your life been harder to navigate? I can understand parents being worried in the 80s or 90s but things have changed now for young people.

As said on this post if you've read it all including one from a teacher. There are still hardships today.

What are the hardships for adult women though?

They’ve got worse.
I’m in my 40s but homophobia is more prevalent now than it has been in my lifetime.

Op my daughter is gay,when I found out I cried too. My husband was shocked I cried , he said I don’t know how you didn’t know. I simply didn’t, she’s very feminine and had boyfriends, I had no clue. My friends son is gay, I couldn’t work out why she was initially upset, I couldn’t see rhe issue, it’s not till it’s your own, you realise why. It’s fear. Fear for them.

I hid it, and adjusted very quickly and now several years later, I dont give a shit, her partner is wonderful , also very feminine, if it’s relevant, and they treat each other with love and kindness and care. And I love it when they both come to visit, it’s like having two daughters.

They are both very caring and involved with their families. Particularly their mothers. And way more caring and thoughtful than any man would be.

Don’t worry about it, you will need time. I didn’t cry as I was homo phobic. I cried as I was scared people would judge her, hurt her, exclude her. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything they are more welcoming and to be honest, big companies want to tick that box.

i think it’s generational, of her generation no one cares. Companies welcome as they have quotas, it’s the older generation who are judgemental. And louts obvs,

the only thing that annoys me is people still say does she have a boyfriend, and now I’m completely at ease in saying no a girlfriend acrually. It’s a ridiculous assumption to make in this day and age so I correct it immediately. I don’t judge though I just smile and carry on.

overall it’s no biggie. You just need a minute. Promise.

I don’t see that and neither does my daughter, in fact I was at a friends birthday party recently with lots of young people there and half of them were gay

can I mention your bit about your daughter and her partner both being feminine. There are feminine lesbians everywhere, we’re right in front of you in every setting. You can’t see us because we look exactly the same as you.

I’ve had my fair share of homophobia, some really toxic stuff, as well as the downright silly. One of the things that does annoy me is when I’m told I don’t look like a lesbian 😊.
Your response was fine OP. She came to you! That is everything. I didn’t have that with my mother.