Teen daughter has come out gay

[nowhatx]

My teen daughter has told me she’s gay. I’ve told her I love her whatever she is and we’ve had a cuddle. I’ve had a cry on my own. I don’t know why????? She’s 15

is there anything I need to do or nothing I’m just a bit taken back and nobody to talk to x

There are people who really care in 2026. Friend of mine was looking for a house this year. First order they made the seller "didn't want to sell to fags". The second house they were invested the realtor kept asking if one of their wives was gonna join soon to the viewing. When told that the two men were gonna live there together, the realtor made it clear that he had no interest selling the house to them. They've also been told "not to be a fag" while just out in town.
A bi female friend has had several corrective rape threats while out with her gf. So yeah, this is what happens in a relatively big city.

I came out to my mother as bi when I was fifteen. She launched into this weird speech about how that was statistically unlikely, because gay and lesbian people were a small minority and so therefore bisexual people must be an even smaller minority. (I think there was research years later showing that bisexual people are actually more common than homosexual people, but that’s neither here nor there.)

OP, you sound like a good parent.

Not YMCA no! Think a 13 year old boy obsessed with all the divas of the last 30 years. Once Cher is brought into the mix, coming out becomes a formality….

What’s your relationship with your mother now? Because that experience sounds very weird and hugely unsupportive.

This thread is a bit mind boggling. There are some homophobes on here unfortunately. But overwhelmingly the attitudes are heteronormative. In 2026 we are still making the assumption that little girls and little boys will grow up to have heterosexual relationships and produce biological children. That’s the future we assume for them with our fixed heteronormative thinking. Therefore, we have to be ‘shocked’ and ‘grieve’ for the loss of imagined futures when they turn out to be gay or bi. Would it not be better to make no assumptions from the start? Why are we even assuming that little girls are destined to be mothers? There are many, many life paths available to children: to be a biological parent in a hetero relationship is only one path.

OP, ignore the wilful ignorance being shown here. You've responded well and it's fine to be worried, and surprised.

Others - you know nothing of OP's whereabouts, background, broader family culture etc so stfu attacking her for having a normal emotional response.

That’s wonderful that she as was able to confide in you
you sounds like a lovely mum. Keep doing what you’re doing. Yes it will take time to adjust but no reason to think you can’t continue to have a brilliant relationship

When I came out to my mum 26 years ago, I had a little cry, she had a little cry. I didn't see her getting upset as a bad thing. I think it was just an acknowledgement of something we both knew.

You just say to your DD, you love her and are there for her. Let her lead on if she needs to talk about it again.

It’s a shock of course, it’s normal you would have imagined a different future for her and also to worry about what prejudice and difficulties she might face. But the world is getting better on that front every year. These days she can have children, get married and live a full and happy life. And it’s very good that she’s felt safe enough to come out at 15, says a lot about your relationship with her 💕

My friend’s who have come out later (I’m 36 and one friend only came out this year) have often struggled in different ways before they did. She’s starting her adult life on the right footing xx

Nothing is 'wrong with being gay' that requires worry. The worry arises from the fact that not everyone agrees with that, which can make life challenging for gay people.
Its those people you should keep your powder dry for rather than prickling at a mum concerned that her daughter may face discrimination and judgement.

what a pile of bollocks. I have one gay, one bisexual and two straight. I never assumed their sexuality. I have many friends with gay children and none of us had to ‘accept it or learn to live with it’, I’m fairly pleased that one of mine is gay! Thankfully not everyone thinks like you and you do sound pretty homophobic.

I’m sure some people fall into the little category you’ve mentioned. But for most of us it’s not that rigid or negative. I don’t assume my kids will be heterosexual and I certainly don’t assume they will have kids, but statistically they are more likely to have kids than not, so it’s not a negative thing to privately wonder if they’ll have kids one day. There’s plenty of things my kids are more likely to do/be than not, so acknowledging that in my own brain doesn’t mean I will have negative feelings if things work out differently. OP isn’t shocked or grieving so I’m not sure why you are bringing this to her thread.

This is brave @Theworldsgonemadagain
You’ll get absolutely flamed but I think many people share your view; and I think even more have concerns at the impact on children of having same sex parents. I think it’s accepted that two (decent) parents of opposing sexes is the ideal for a child to develop; I don’t think we know what the impact is or isn’t of having children in same sex marriages. I get the impression society is more accepting of two women as parents rather than two men. Of course everyone does their best. Who knows in the future what we will have determined - there have been many changes in the last 100 years - divorce, single parents, gay parents- what impact this has on peoples development remains to be seen. I do think we will realise that the absence of fathers can have negative consequences; particularly for boys, it’s generally accepted aswell that children who are adopted or not brought up by their genetic parents typically have lower life chances (of course this doesn’t reflect individuals- I’m talking in a sociological sense). However That’s all another controversial thread!

@Skippyasyermuni · Yesterday 22:25
Ah, so if she has sat you down and said, “mum, I’m straight,” then you’d have had a cry and been worried?

This comment is honestly as daft and pointless, as when a woman posts to say she is worried about her husband's close friendship with a younger woman at work, and them messaging each other regularly, and her not being involved in the friendship at all, and someone saying 'would you care if his friend was a man OP?'

An 'off the charts' daft comment.

OP, by no means a given, as all women are subjected to male violence regardless of who they are sexually attracted so, and some women are of course capable of abusive behaviour- but one upside i would be pleased about is that your daughter is less likely to be subject to the vagaries of male entitlement/dominance/misogynistic attitudes in her romantic relationships. You see those behaviours hundreds of times a week on mumsnet. Like I say before anyone gets upset, abuse, or merely just being an arse, happens in same sex female women-loving-women relationships but so much less prevalent. I would be celebrating this if I were you 😍

OP I think you handled it well. And it's good she was comfortable confiding in you

And, rightly or wrongly, life is generally easier for people who conform to social norms

And it's easier for a woman to get pregnant if she's having sex with a man

And we all want our children to be safe, happy and have an easy life

So, i understand why you were upset

My advice =

(1) I wouldn't make a big issue of it, same way you wouldn't make a big deal if she told you she was straight

(2) not popular on here, but i do suspect some teens think they're gay because they feel more comfortable around people of their own sex. As they grow older, their views may change. I know several people who thought they were gay as teens but ended up in relationships with people of opposite sex

(3) don't make an issue of it. It's not positive or negative

(4) be open minded and supportive

Good luck

Twenty odd years ago, my mum cried when I told her I am gay. She was mortified as she wanted to be supportive. She was just worried though as she didn't know what my life would look like and felt sad for the future relationship she thought we would have.

Now I have been married for over a decade and in a relationship for two decades. She has two beautiful grand children and sees me live a life that makes me very happy.

You are allowed to have your own feelings about this. Don't be hard on yourself - your daughter has had longer to process this and your response to her was perfect.

Hi OP xx
One of my daughters sort of came out because her long distance friend came to stay and it was then obvious they were a couple and not just friends.
At no point did she say “ I’m gay “ it was sort of organic ..?? IYSWIM ?
I never cried ?
I guess I was being matter of fact about it
They married and are a happy couple .
I think you crying is possibly just an emotional outlet ?
You’re likely feeling overwhelmed that she was so open and honest even if she felt awkward coming out to you .

It was weird and hugely unsupportive, yeah. My mom is a great parent in many ways, but she tends to have a hard time with me doing anything she didn’t expect, or that she doesn’t approve of. It’s like she’s got this idea in her head that she knows me better than I know myself, and she’s had a hard time letting go of that.

It will be fine. Just carry on being her mum and keep communicating.

Not really no.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6113571/

Same levels or higher of violence within a same-sex relationship as in a hetero relationship.

Perhaps you need to update your information. I'd recommend updating your humanity while you're at it.

My SD's going the whole way. Wears a chest band and is on the waiting list for Hormone treatment and surgery. She blames all of her unhappiness as a teen on being trapped in the wrong gender...🙄 Her mum was was distraught because she said to me that she'd given birth to a beautiful wee girl. It's a very sad, complex situation.

I wish I was gay 😅 not having to deal with dating men must be amazing. Obviously I'm being lighthearted. We all worey about our kids but this is 2026. She will be fine. And it's great she confided in you. Carry on as normal.

I get it means the future you imagined has changed a bit, it is a bit of a shock if you weren’t expecting it. I know I was surprised when my brother came out because he had had girlfriends. Give yourself a bit of time to process but it all will be ok, as long as she’s happy. It’s ok to be a bit unsettled though. Lots of love to you both

Just keep talking to her interestingly a lot of the teen lesbians hate the rainbow and think pride is a bit shit

If that really is the case they should have a bit more respect for the people who protested so they have the rights they have today.