Teen daughter has come out gay

[nowhatx]

My teen daughter has told me she’s gay. I’ve told her I love her whatever she is and we’ve had a cuddle. I’ve had a cry on my own. I don’t know why????? She’s 15

is there anything I need to do or nothing I’m just a bit taken back and nobody to talk to x

It's a shame you feel 'taken back'. You have nothing to worry about. It's perfectly normal to be gay. And obviously she could still choose to have children. She can have a happy relationship just like a straight person would. Just treat her the same as you always have.

You don’t need to do anything. Just be there for her if she needs you. Not sure what else you could do really.

YABU.

Are we still in the 1980s? It is surprisingly to me that nowadays people make a big deal about their child telling them they are gay and can't help but think you are rather sheltered and/or homophobic OP.

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄

I cried when my son came out to me. I cried because it upset me to think he had been worrying about this 'secret' and how to tell us. I worried about him being bullied. I worry still about the darker side of apps like Grinder. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing exactly the right thing.

OP thankfully we live in a society where there is less homophobia.

Continue to support and love your daughter as before and be proud that she trusted you enough to be open with you.

Also think about the positives: as a gay woman your daughter is less likely to have to deal with violent, misogynist partners or feel the pressure that so many men put on women to look/dress/act a certain way.

For goodness sake to you too.🙄

I agree. I think about 10% of young people identify as LGB and given that it is quite mind boggling to me that OP is shocked and actually cried about it.

But the dd can still get married and have children if they want to. And you do sound quite homophobic actually.

In not sure what constitutes the eye roll. @walrushurricane is pointing out that the idea of being floored and then crying about a child not being straight is really quite a dated attitude.

DD is 12 and told us a few weeks ago, told DH first then me a bit later. I just said ‘cool, I don’t care who you fancy as long as whoever they are they’re nice to you.’ And then left it at that. A few occasions since we’ve been idly chatting about the future or what she might be when she grows up and if it felt natural I used the words girlfriend or wife but we haven’t had any deliberate big conversations about it. She’s mentioned she wants to go to Pride in our city later this month and we’ve said fine but only the afternoon parade bits and the funfair type stuff because later on people get drunk, things get more racy and she’s not old enough for that to be appropriate.

I bet people who comment this are straight but think they are oh-so-progressive and flying their woke credentials.

Meanwhile, in the real world, even in the UK, homophobic bullying and discrimination still exists. There are still stupid jokes and assumptions. She'll have different life experiences than she would if she were heterosexual (for example, if she wants kids, both in terms of the practicalities and attitudes like at least 1 poster on this thread, who will query whether her children will be negatively impacted by not having a father). She'll have to experience 'coming out' constantly, throughout her life, because heterosexuality is still the default. Even if the response isn't negative, it can still be stressful, worrying or just a bit exhausting! There will be places she won't feel comfortable going on holiday, and some where her life would literally be at risk if she did.

It doesn't mean that she can't have a wonderful, happy, successful life. But it will be a different one than if she wasn't gay. It's ridiculous to not get that.

Do people think they are being ‘right on’ and oh so damn open minded when they make these remarks? Is it just liberal posturing? Because surely no one is dense enough not to realise that being a woman is hard enough without an extra layer of potential homophobic discrimination too. It’s not all rainbows out there. Being gay is rightly accepted among intelligent people but there’s a hell of a lot of homophobic idiots out there too. Not to mention the complexity around having kids (if that is what she wants). OP is allowed to have concerns without thinking something is ‘wrong’.

This may or may not end up as her final viewpoint. I’m only saying that because my daughter flip flopped a lot and is now in a female / male relationship at 18. Whatever she decides, feel pleased that she trusts you enough to be able to speak to you about it. Sounds like you did just fine by hugging her and reassuring her that you love her. You don’t need to do anything else apart from make sure she knows she can come to you with anything xx

Agree with this

The faux naivety "why would anyone have any concerns about their child being fay?" is disingenuous

Oh ffs lots of things. Don't be so facetious or attempting to insinuate the OP is homophobic.

I am relieved that my dd is gay. I think it's a positive thing. Boys are trouble.

Don't you dictate what one person's emotion means. You have absolutely no idea.

Where does it say she cried because her child is not straight? People love to create controversy where there is none...(Eyeroll)

I really do understand this feeling. When my son told us he was gay at fourteen, he was so proud of himself, and it meant the world to see that. I cried—not because I was upset, but because it hurt knowing he’d kept it to himself for so long.

Continue being the best mother you can be!

My DD came out at 14. I would have been upset if she thought she couldn’t tell me. School was hard for her because unless you conform you get picked on. She kept her head down and got through it. She’s about to start uni and I hope she finds a girlfriend as lovely as she is.

My daughter who is 19 told me as a child she was 'not a fashion girl'. She came out at a similar age to yours maybe a bit earlier. I was sad as my adopted son (5 years older) had also come out as gay some time earlier. The sadness I felt was around their lives being potentially more difficult being 'not the norm'. That feeling has ebbed away over the past few years. Just glad they are free to be themselves and we are supportive.

Are you serious? Do you really think that life is easy for gay people? Every gay friend and colleague of mine has had some difficult times/situations because of their sexuality, ranging from unpleasant comments to threats of violence, adding to all the usual difficulties that most people face regarding careers, housing etc - and all have/had parents who were worried, albeit supportive.

Absolutely. There are some utterly ridiculous comments on here. It is entirely understandable why OP as a parent will have concerns for her daughter.