Teen daughter has come out gay

[nowhatx]

My teen daughter has told me she’s gay. I’ve told her I love her whatever she is and we’ve had a cuddle. I’ve had a cry on my own. I don’t know why????? She’s 15

is there anything I need to do or nothing I’m just a bit taken back and nobody to talk to x

The more we cry when people 'come out', the more we perpetuate a them vs us world. We normalise the hatred - which to be honest we have never encountered.

I have 2 / 3 queer children. I didnt cry, because they never felt the need to come out. They are just who they are. It is no big deal.

Just a different perspective. No need to attack me.

Have you not bothered reading the OP?

Don't be so naive. I'm a lesbian with a wife and child. I wouldn't change my sexuality and I like myself as I am, but it has made my life harder. My dad called me vile and said I'll never have a normal marriage. My mum said she'd never accept me dating a butch woman and cried in front of me about potentially never having grandchildren. My parents have come around in the end, but it was hard. Men harass me. You come out over and over again at work (and eveywhere else), and there's always that fear of how others will respond. I have to think carefully about where I travel and how I act abroad. People assume I'm straight. I'm nervous in places like taxis or with strangers to say I have a wife when asked, because I'm scared of homophobia, and that's something straight people just can't ever understand. I worry to death about my daughter getting picked on for having two mums in the future.

Anyway. You're fine, OP. You've supported her. You are entitled to your own feelings. Life is easier on straight mode and it's not wrong to grieve that for her and worry. Ultimately though, just be her number one supporter. Back her if other people are homophobic. Go to Pride with her. Just keep loving her, as I'm sure you will.

There are some weird replies on here. OP has supported her daughter openly. She's allowed to have her own feelings privately.

It’s you who started it throwing accusations at the OP.

What a load of shit.

You don't need to do anything - she trusted you enough to tell you and you've shown support.

Whilst I agree there is never a guarantee of grandkids either way, it’s obvious there are more challenges faced by gay couples with regards to conceiving a baby than for heterosexual couples.

Please don’t let her know you’ve been crying or that you’re mourning some life you imagined for her, my mum did that and it made me feel awful.

I understand worrying about homophobia, but I’m a lesbian, I’m happily married and am 37w pregnant with my first child, I haven’t missed out on anything I wanted to do because I’m a lesbian. I actually feel incredibly lucky that I get to have a female spouse and I don’t have to deal with men tbh.

Some people are hard work aren't they?

Just because you’ve never experienced hatred doesn’t mean other people haven’t. What an incredibly naive and arrogant view you have.

You don’t want people to attack you, yet you’re dismissive of the OP’s feelings and saying some pretty ignorant and shitty stuff. Do better.

Exactly this. Thanks for this. I couldn't be bothered to respond to that poster as she clearly didn't bother to read my post properly! I said the likelihood of having bio children (as a lesbian) is lower than if you're straight. And it is, for obvious reasons. I should not have to explain them! As I said, they're pretty obvious!

.

I understand that you are shocked, it’s okay.
It is really common at her age.
She may well be gay or experimenting with her feelings, my DD said she was gay around 13, now she’s A sexual, she’s never had a boyfriend / girlfriend, she’s nearly 18.
I wouldn’t worry about it.

My lovely DN"s first full on relationship (15 ish 17) was same sex. She's in a hetero one now...as long as she is healthy and happy...love is love. X

Ah MNHQ, yes that’s okay you delete my posts calling out a horrible and arrogant poster, who can clearly dish out crap to an emotional OP who wants advice, but can’t take it back.

👍🏼

Deja vu. My 15 year old came out to me years ago. I'm just glad she knew she could come to me. I remember saying to her at the time "do you think I didn't know? " Then I hugged her and told her everything would be ok. While I supported her completely, I suspected she would have fights on her hands at times. She did, but she's out of the other side now . She's 35, everything is ok, she's had her moments of people being twats to her, mostly when she was younger. Just support her, things have moved on a hell of a lot since my gorgeous girl came out. X

I was surprised your post was deleted @Gooseling I couldn't see anything bad about it.

It’s not homophobic. It’s okay to completely accept her for who she is but be scared and yes, fear, for what the future holds. It’s just another hurdle of discrimination she’s now going to face as a woman.

My sister is a lesbian and she faces fetishisation on a daily basis. People not believing her (because they can turn her straight), homophobia, disgusting comments. Society is certainly more progressive but homophobia is still everywhere. That’s not to say it’s not only lesbians, my best friend is a gay male and it was only last month he was getting homophobic slurs shouted at him for walking through town holding hands with his boyfriend. His boyfriend has also been assaulted for being gay before. We live in a very progressive city too.

Crying doesn’t mean OP is homophobic or unaccepting. It’s okay to acknowledge the fact that some people will now treat her daughter differently for who she is, and some people will hate her for being her and it’s okay to be sad about that. It doesn’t mean she isn’t proud. It doesn’t mean her daughter is any different or her life won’t be amazing, but there will certainly be hurdles there that OP wasn’t aware of before.

More young women are actively choosing not to have children, it's pretty homophobic to say there's less possibility of grandchildren just because a teenager is gay.

Plenty of straight women can't conceive naturally with their partners either.

I think @estrogone is enjoying giving out shit to try and make the OP feel small, but obviously can’t take any form of criticism back.

She refuses to believe that in 2026 hate crimes and prejudice towards gay people still exists. But doesn’t like being challenged on that view. How sad.

It isn’t remotely homophobic, and it’s totally ridiculous to suggest it is. It is 100% obvious to anyone and everyone that there is automatically an extra barrier to conceiving for gay couples than heterosexual ones, before you even get to fertility or choice.

I have 3 straight children and one gay. She did as your daughter did, and came out to me, but actually she didn’t need to. She could have done what the others did, and just brought a girlfriend home to meet me. My job is to love and support her, not judge her for her sexuality.
You sound like a lovely mum, you must be, because you responded with a cuddle, though obviously it’s been a bit of a shock. When that wears off just embrace it, Get yourself a supporters badge and encourage her to bring her friends and girlfriends home. You might just be the mum another girl needs, if her own parents haven’t responded as you have. Sending you a big supportive hug, and a reminder that nothing has changed. Your daughter is still the same lovely girl she always was.

Ahhhh this is a nice reply ☺️

When my daughter came out. I bought a little rainbow badge for my handbag. I know she noticed. She’s not a massive talker anyway . But I know she noticed ☺️🌈

I’d just carry on as normal… she is only 15; I’d just follow her lead but I wouldn’t make a big thing of it as it may or may not remain the same. I would definitely say how thankful I am for her sharing something so personal with me - lovely she feels she can tell you xxx

@nowhatx
When my youngest told me I'd guessed already but was still glad that she'd done so
I told her I was still her mum and would always support her and was always ready to do whatever I had to as I do for her siblings; I still wonder and can get a little fretful about the world out there after all this time but I take each day as it comes and that would be what I'd say to you. Pride with Love