AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

[Whatsahappening]

Changed accounts
Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

I'd be worrying about what he's watching online as it sounds like he's being radicalised tbh. Similar thing happened with my brother. He's in his 30s and was always politically neutral, possibly more left leaning. A few years of watching crap online and now he sounds like Tommy Robinson, even though none of our family hold those kind of bigoted views. It's terrifying. Protect your kids and ltb

Yup

100 percent. Remember how Malala described that in her village in Pakistan, a woman could not go out without a related male as chaperone. The male could be 5 years old, but you needed a male from your family present.
Also anyone doubting the awful disrespect that exists for women and their freedom in these communities only has to inform themselves properly about the Pakistani rape gangs. There was not just one of these, they committed the most terrible and sustained abuse in 149 areas of the U.K.

I’d rather just stick to the original ask.

My opinion on people’s view on genocide, is that of course it would come into UK politics.
The ongoing slaughter of children is a global issue.

Back to my original post.

Taking the politics out and focusing on the relationship issue.
I think you have two problems. Firstly, by continuing to voice views to you that he knows offend you, your husband is not showing you respect.
Secondly by parroting misinformation from dubious sources as fact, he is in danger of losing your respect. Because it calls into question his intelligence and rationality.
Both of these things would be equally true if he was spouting extreme left wing views or conspiracy theories or was a passionate flat earther.
The first I'd deal with by setting hard boundaries. You need to tell him that you don't want to discuss these issues or have him speak to you about them and if he does you will see it as disrespect for your boundary.
The second is tougher. Because once you lose respect for a person it's very hard to regain. You could maybe try to see it as an anomaly in a usually intelligent man. And if you can succeed in stopping him going on about it, it won't be front and centre all the time, so easier to crowd it out with his good points.

People are quite entitled to be concerned for their womenfolk and their children when 1000s of undocumented men who treat females as second class citizens are being dropped into our communities. I certainly fear for my grandchildren future.

I think you are right to be concerned, my parents have fallen down this rabbit hole, it started off with concerns about immigrants, then it was anyone who wasn’t white British, now it’s gay people and abortions. They just sit at home all day watching GB news getting more and more outraged and intolerant of anyone who is different to them.

My brother has also started parroting racist nonsense from X, which when you fact check it realise it’s either completely misrepresented or just made up. I couldn’t be with someone like that tbh.

@5128gap "Secondly by parroting misinformation from dubious sources as fact,"

Where is the evidence that he is doing that ?

Not different views - see my mention of my Tory councillor friends. I was referring to someone falling down the rabbit hole, in the way that the OP implies her husband is doing.

If in doubt ask the people in the villages of 500/600 residents how they feel about 1500 MEN being dropped into the middle of their communities. Are they racist ?

Haha left wing views aren't annoying! Your post is exquisite in irony

I've made no comment about censorship. That isn't the subject of the thread. PP commented that you don't get threads where people are complaining about their partners left wing views. I'm suggesting that may be because left wing people don't rant about immigrants, benefit claimants and so on, so don't annoy people in the way some right wing people do.
I mean who's going to start a thread saying "I'm really upset because my left wing partner doesnt rant about fighting age men"?

@Whatsahappening "The ongoing slaughter of children is a global issue"

I agree, but it's happening, sadly, in other areas of the world than Gaza - but everyone seems to ignore that.

I know. I did have a little chuckle to myself about how much it would annoy you all.
But it's a fair point though. As in my previous post, no one is going to be annoyed by some one not ranting about immigrants are they?

No, but people are annoyed about all the other stuff lefties rant on about, especially calling anyone who doesn't agree with them bigoted and racist. There are way more bigoted lefties and than right of centre people.

Ok! Well done for annoying me!!😂

Perfectly said ❤️❤️❤️

I'm not so sure about that.

The Greens want open borders, legalisation of hard drugs, scrapping tuition fees, net zero by 2040, dismantle Trident, provide free personal care, supporting access to gender-transition treatments for people under 18.

No clue as to costing except to tax "the rich" whoever they are ?

Annoying - possibly, bonkers yes.

We're not talking about calling people names. Of course it's annoying to be called bigot or racist. Just as its annoying to be called woke, snow flake, virtue signaller, whatever.
We're talking about behaviour arising from a specific political slant.
People like the OPs husband and some on the thread go on and on about immigration. It's extremely annoying.
The reason you don't get threads on this the other way round, is who would post a thread saying "I just had a horrible evening with my leftie friend. She didn't say a single negative thing about immigration all night. Its made me really question the friendship"?

Maybe you mis read me! I should have quoted that sentence "Haha left wing views aren't annoying!"
And highlighted my sarcasm a bit! I agree with you fully!

OP at 21.02 "His research is Instagram and Tiktok"

I personally couldn't be living with someone who calls themselves a 'huge empath' so the poor guy can't be that bad.

I feel a lot of sympathy with you and I’m sorry this thread has been hijacked. I am in a similar situation albeit reversed.

I am the one who you could consider the more “angry” about immigration, social issues, etc and its caused clashes with DH who shares the same view you do, that it’s bad but it’s not the biggest issue.

I know it’s not the biggest issue, and I’m not naive enough to think the press and social media companies aren’t doing everything they can to stoke the flames, but those things don’t make my feelings any less valid. I’m not going to go into all the talking points because we all know them, but whenever me and DH get into it, he’ll bring up some ridiculous and hateful thing Lowe or Farage have said and use that as some gotcha to say if I believe this then I agree with this ridiculous thing. And it’s not really fair because as others have said, if you voice concern, you’re branded all these horrible things.

It hasn’t gone to an uncomfortable level yet, but there’s definitely that tension whenever there’s something about it on the news and we’re both thinking who’s going to mention it first. Maybe it’s a bit different because me and DH are both left-wing lifelong Labour, and agree on every political topic except this one, but there’s definitely a divide that wasn’t there a year or two ago.

All that to say I don’t really know how you resolve it. I guess the best thing would be for the government to somehow solve the problem, then none of us would have anything to argue about.

OK, I don't look at that stuff, so I can't comment.

Me neither. But I'm sure we both know the difference between SM content and reputable research using official data sources.