AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

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Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

It could be said for any issue if it were true for any other issue. But it isn't.
I can't think of any other issue where behaviour mirrors that of the anti immigration contingent. There's a post from yesterday where someone is saying a stranger started banging on about immigrants to them on a bus, for example. I've had similar, where small talk has led to "Well of course, immigration doesn't help that.." And your heart sinks because you know the same boring, spiel is going to follow, at best. At worst they'll work themselves up into a tantrum and say things you really don't want to have to be listening to.
Vanishingly few people are 'pro immigration' as in think its a fabulous thing and are intent on convincing others of that. So you will be most unlikely to have to listen to opposing views unless you bring it up first.

Try to close down conversation on this and you get the loaded guns of commenters who want to rile you up…
Appalling it’s effecting my children - My point of this post is suggestions on how to healthily manage debate that can be somewhat emotional so it doesn’t creep in to day to day when my children are around.

Don’t make it sound like we are tearing their world a part! The literal world is on fire, doing that for them… So please, construct your feedback without going for jugular, as we are two adults trying to make a better place for them and love them immensely. If you actually read any other comments and responses, you’ll see I’m not focused on trying to prove him ‘wrong’ it’s where he gets his views from.

You’re clearly here to torment instead on help.

@HelmholtzWatson Don’t assume my position.. May or may not be a genocide?!?

I stop there with people like you.
Of course, you’d ’lol at the empath’, you can’t distinguish that the targeting and killing of innocent children in their 10’s of thousands isn’t genocide - Quite frankly need to give your head a wobble.

Why dont you have legitimate sources ready to show his opinion is wrong. Don't wait for him 'to educate himself'. Just calmly provide context when he says XYZ.

I did this with DC over TWAW. I showed empathy and understanding, but then clearly disproved the points that had them believing males can in fact be females.

Calm and factual conversations. DC now understands my pov, although it isn't theirs (mostly - to my surprise some of my points were taken onboard).

If you love your dh then you understand their opinion is important to them, and you can accept it, but show why you can't/dont agree with it.

Soooo right, we had this on holiday and was stuck for hours listening to tripe from a guy we’d never met and was getting increased drunk, spouting at us on our sun longer…

The funny thing is, the first thing my husband said when he decided to walk off and bore others was: ‘If I EVER come across like that… Honestly, sort it out’, was hoping then he’d have an epiphany 🤣

He does a bit of this too 😁
Though, generally if we are looking at it this way (which is very helpful) he’s well rounded and is a wonderful dad and an affectionate husband… So, I have a good mix there.

I could not live with anyone who has far right views and believes the Reform/Restore propaganda.

To me it is a sign that the person has no common sense, lacks decency and is easily seduced by extreme, nonsensical views.

It is perfectly fine to believe that immigration needs to be tightly controlled and that we need to end the small boats crisis (I am left wing and this is my belief) but it is completely different to support xenophobic and racist rhetoric or to be thick enough to think that immigrants are the main cause of all this country's complex, deep rooted issues.

It used to be that people had differing political opinions, but I notice now that a lot of people have obsessions fuelled by TikTok or something similar. It's not just politics, but all kinds of batshit conspiracy theories.

Challenge it but stay civil. It's ok to have debates. DH is further right than me but not enough to split about it.

Im sorry, you had me taking in your comment but the minute you decided to “empath” me, you lost me.

Nearly came in with the goods.

limit the news that upsets me, @MissFancyDay, I think you can likely see… I’m not one to bury one’s head in the sand and la la my way through life. I limit for sanity and MH reasons as I’m sure we all do.

Exactly this… Back in the daaaay, it used to just be around the mundane but now we have a true divide forming our political system and that isn’t by chance.

More than happy to engage in conversations with people who have different political views, including those with polar opposite views and it can be very interesting. Wouldn’t choose to marry someone like that though. Just think when married principles and values should align and someone who votes reform probably has different ones to a Lib Dem supporter for example.

I wouldn’t say he is full right but I’m finding I’m having to ground him back to an overall way of thinking.

That’s the challenge I don’t want to lose him to that mentality, so I fear not talking about it could be an issue down the line but I’ll find a way to bring it up in better environments - It’s definitely on me, as I likely take the conversations further as I’m bewildered some of the time.

Funny, I certainly have.

You ain’t looking for it or would consider what someone whom has strong emotion to others suffering would present themselves like.

it says more about you all who fixate on the ‘term’ empath… Get past it and add some damn value to the original post.

And what can we 'do' about all the genocides? It's easy to say how important it is that 'Something is Done' from your Victoran terrace in Clapham but what if that 'something' is wading into someone else's war, interfering in their politics and ethnic tensions we just don't understand? Fancy going to Sudan and telling them to stop being so silly and just live together in harmony? It's very 'white saviour'. It is ironically a hugely colonial mindset to think we are still important enough to go round 'sorting out' all these natives, and if only they listened to us wanging on about socialism they would realise the real enemy and come round to the correct way of thinking. Or if only they knew that some woman in Battersea was crying at the telly and arguing with her husband about how terrible it all is they would lay down their arms immediately! We do hardly and trade, arms or not with Israel. It would make no difference to them what our government did. We are just not globally important to the same extent that we were when 1. Britain was a como ial superpower or 2. When we were part of the EU. The only people who think we are important is Iran, who spend a lot of time trying to destabilise the UK.

This. Sorry OP, but you sound like the type of left wing person who turned me into a former lefty. The type with no curiousity but whose motive is to feel they are a caring empath, rather than to find the truth of a situation.

I strongly suspect that one of those world events you are calling a genocide, is the one that is not a genocide at all, but you haven’t been curious enough to find that out. You’ve been too busy congratulating yourself for being a truth empath who cries….

Politics are a reflection of your core values. I could not live with someone who was incapable of critical thinking and / or a racist bigot. It would be the end for me im afraid.

How about reflecting on this in regard to yourself. If your comment on ‘targeting and killing of tens of thousands of children’ you are referring to the conflict being waged against Israel in the ME, then it is you who have allowed yourself to be propaganderised. You talk about ‘where your husband gets his information from’. What about where you get your information from? What are you reading to challenge your narrative? Because it’s only by reading material that challenges our positions that we can form well evidenced and grounded opinions.

Imho the people who are incapable of critical thinking are the far left eg the Green supporters. They usually live in a wealthy bubble and refuse to listen to the experiences of those less fortunate, with bad experiences of immigration etc. They have taken the easy way.

There is no challenging here… The evidence is overwhelming and this is beyond politics.

Not engaging on this with you.

There have been many who have stated they are in the middle here.

@blackonblue · Today 08:42
This. Sorry OP, but you sound like the type of left wing person who turned me into a former lefty. The type with no curiousity but whose motive is to feel they are a caring empath, rather than to find the truth of a situation.

100% this! ^

@Menopausalsourpuss · Today 08:57

Imho the people who are incapable of critical thinking are the far left eg the Green supporters. They usually live in a wealthy bubble and refuse to listen to the experiences of those less fortunate, with bad experiences of immigration etc. They have taken the easy way.

100% agree. Champagne socialists they're called, also known as social justice warriors. I won't even engage with them now. I know a small handful of them in real life, and it's hard work being in their company sometimes, so I just stay neutral and say nothing.

A few slightly right of centre people I know do love to wind them up though. The lefties accuse people of being racist bigots, (often for very little, sometimes for nothing!) so the ones who wind them up say 'may as well be one then!' and say all kinds of shit to annoy them.

It's so funny to see the steam coming out of their ears, and the rage bubbling under. They look like they're going to blow a gasket!😆

I used to be part of a liberal metropolitan crowd in London. Although I have long been (secretly) right wing. One of my good friends got pregnant and was desperate to buy a house. Her and her DH found something in an area of East London. I tried to gently hint that maybe this wouldn't be ideal. She didn't listen. She loved "diversity". Well it's 3 years later now and she doesn't want to leave her house with her young daughter because she is subjected to constant street harassment, abuse and people following her. She's tried to express how awful it is to her DH and he WON'T HAVE IT. Thinks she's being unreasonable and a racist.

If I had to generalise I'd say more men than women instinctively understand the dangers of Third World unaccompanied men flooding into the country. While women have to experience it first hand to get over their natural sympathy for "refugees". Her DH is an exception to this unfortunately. I really feel for her as she has realised too late that her liberal idealism doesn't match reality.

People are picking up on the ' I'm a huge empath' because it's such a self absorbed and self righteous thing to say, and normally said by people who like to demonstrate to others how much of a better person they are. It's a great way to shut down anyone who disagrees with you because you are basically saying ' I can't help it if I care too much about others!'

And there we have it. The mindset of the progressive left. Anyone who disagrees is evil and thinks children should be killed. Note the complete lack of curiousity from OP. She is right and everyone else is so evil they want children to die.

No OP. I want the right people held responsible for the deaths of the children in Israel, Gaza and the other countries who have attacked Israel with genuine genocidal intent. Those people are Hamas and all the terrorists and their backers. You know, the people who spent a fortune preparing for a war they started, built hundreds of miles of tunnels in a two tier subterranean city, yet let not one civilian shelter in it and built no bomb shelters. Those people. Those people did not have no concern for the deaths of children in the war they started. They actually regard the deaths of children as useful propaganda tools in the publicity war against Israel. And they’ve being able to co-opt incurious westerners to join them in this grotesque and immoral use of children’s deaths. The deaths their actions caused.

Israel in the other hand has gone to exceptional lengths to protect civilian lives. For an urban war the death rate of civilians to combatants is exceptionally low. Name another modern day urban war with such a low ratio? Name another war where you call the defending army ‘kid killers’. But you aren’t even asking these questions. Because to you the truth of what is happening is not the point. How you perceive yourself is.

I’m highly empathetic too. It’s part of why I make sure I form my views on evidence. I would not want my emotions to be manipulated to make me fall in ‘throw enough mud at a wall’ race hate of another country or people. . Especially not one like Israel which is fighting for its survival against the genuinely genocidal forces united against it.