AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

[Whatsahappening]

Changed accounts
Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

Lucky’s political views are starting to make sense. I guess some stereotypes are true!

Marital rape didnt become illegal until 1991.
Murderers and rapists are not eligible for early release. Do check your facts.
Governments have an essential role in protecting wonen and girls from MVAWG in passing laws and providing funding for preventative initiatives and survivor support. Hence the issue is political.
I don't know if the Governments plans will work. They seem sensible and have been formulated with recource to expert advice, so I'm optimistic they will help. But I've worked with abused women for 30 years and it's become worse over my work life, with instances increasing in numbers and severity. So there's a lot to be done.

I suggest you look up the definition of cringeworthy. Anyway, good luck with your issue. Respecting each other's valid opinions is part of a healthy marriage.

Another leftie, who complains about stereotyping, while stereotyping others. It's such a prolific occurrence on MN.

Early release of rapists was only blocked by Burnham after a public outcry so obvs Labour originally thought it was a great ideahttps://news.sky.com/story/andy-burnham-blocks-early-prison-release-for-rapists-but-pc-andrew-harpers-widow-slams-betrayal-as-husbands-killers-to-be-freed-early-13569552 . And yes I am aware about marital rape - I'm probably older than you so remember when it was outlawed (by a Tory govt) - so again nothing to do with this govts "plan" which I am sceptical about.

You posted that the government are letting murderers and rapists out. If you did know that this wasn't the case, because the PM has said so, then you were being disingenuous with your language.
What aspects of the plan are you sceptical about? If you're saying you don't expect it to bring an end to DVAWG in the UK, I agree. If you're saying it won't help, why? What parts do you feel they have wrong?

Because I'm so old I've seen alot of money wasted on various schemes and I would rather they got the basics right in protecting women and girls including long sentences, building more prisons, deterring men from misogynistic societies from illegally entering the country. You're right I didn't know AB had rowed back from that policy but doesn't mean my point was wrong that the govt originally thought it was a good idea.

@scatterolight · Yesterday 21:21

You don't see how an unending stream of young men from wartorn and regressive third world countries, with no accompanying women to meet their needs, could possibly be a danger to the women and children of this country?

Neither do you think that the growing numbers of Muslims (bolstered by the unending stream of migration) and their increasing political power via their influence on the Labour and Green parties is a concern either? Despite "women's rights" being your top priority?

It's a wonder your husband put up with YOU when your thinking is so muddled.

This. 100% this. ^

Preventing men from other cultures entering the UK doesn't protect women in their homes, which is what we were discussing.
To be clear I don't want an influx of men into our society either. I would greatly prefer we prioritised women asylum seekers to fulfil our obligations.
But nor do I want immigration to be the sole focus of our work to prevent violence against women and girls, as the blinkered approach that refuses to see anything beyond immigration does the women and children suffering at the hands of Bristish men a severe disservice.
The government are taking steps to control immigration. They are building prisons. They have a robust plan to address MVAWG. Let's see how it goes.

Yet another urgent review ordered;

The Times has identified a number of cases of men who were convicted of assaulting children in Bradford as part of historical investigations into Asian grooming gangs.

But because many of the offences took place before anti-grooming laws were introduced in 2003, [the men were charged] with indecent assault, which does not fall within the exemptions to the early release scheme announced by the prime minister.

On Wednesday night the Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch wrote to Burnham to highlight the loophole in the law describing it as “yet another betrayal of victims”.

https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/pc-andrew-harper-killers-early-release-tkg8x2b56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5lm3evpzzo

For the sake of accuracy, GI took hold and women lost single sex spaces under a Conservative government.

This court ruling was September 2009;

[Trans] prisoner wins move to women's jail.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2009/sep/04/transexual-prisoner-moved-womens-prison

This is a great post, and summarised where I am on this issue.

The very fact that people are arguing about immigration to the point their relationships suffer is reason enough to place curbs on immigration. We're a pluralistic democracy, and even if you don't agree with views on immigrants, a large portion of the population do. And they do have good reason. Yes, there is a lot of scaremongering, but asylum seekers are both costly to the public purse (each one granted asylum costs the taxpayer around £500k) and more likely to be convicted of a crime, even holding age/gender constant.

And yes, blaming migrants for NHS waiting lists, potholes or losing your keys is silly, but that shouldn't masks the real, proven issues with young male migrants.

Yes it sounds like a relationship beyond repair.

OK. So the first instance of a male in a women's prison happened under Labour. 8 months after this, the Conservatives took the helm and continued in the same vein, with up to 10 males in womens prisons at any given time throughout their 14 years governance. Also every public body where GI has embedded over the last decade, education, NHS, the CJS has been answerable to a Conservative minister, who happily ignored or went along with it.
So I think its still fair to say that GI took hold under the Tories.
This isn't to start a debate on left versus right with regards to GI. Obviously we know it has much more support amongst the left, that's not in dispute.
It was simply to respond to PPs confidence that their sex based rights would be protected by the right (right!) government, by pointing out that the erosion can happened on any watch, due to the prioritisation of men's rights over women's intrinsic to our society.

What an overexaggeration - Around a relationship you know nothing other than some politics disagreements 😎

This. Not enough eye rolls in the world suffice.

You're right, it sounds like there isn't a problem other than political disagreements.

So the first instance of a male in a women's prison happened under Labour

I don't know if a legal precedent was set with the case in my link but it certainly set the direction of travel. As an aside, the barrister acting for the trans prisoner was a former long-term girlfriend to Keir Starmer, although not at the time. It's a small world.

Also every public body where GI has embedded over the last decade, education, NHS, the CJS has been answerable to a Conservative minister, who happily ignored or went along with it.

These reports are from 2013 - in Scotland, under a left-wing government:

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/pre-op-transsexual-killer-moved-out-2928751
https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/13111388.transsexual-robber-born-man-held-scottish-jail-women/

Like I said, I'm not interested in tit for tat.
My point is explained in the last two paragraphs of the post you quoted.

It cannot be easy for your DH being married to someone riddled with suicidal empathy. Wake up OP to what is happening around you and listen to his concerns. When will the woke wake up again?

I feel sorry for your husband and what he has to put up with

It really depends how it manifests itself. Is there a world in which you can agree to disagree and just not get into it? This aside, is everything else ok / aligned in your marriage?

My ex and I were not aligned politically and that was ok to a point until he started stating 'facts' that were wildly untrue during conversations with friends. I found that embarrassing and would call him out/fact check him which led to rows. A difference of opinion is one thing but its hard to ignore someone saying outrageous 'stats' which you know to be wildly untrue.

Only you know which version this is amd how big a deal this is day to day

Hey :)
Appreciate the thread is miles long, thanks for coming back with something that’s not riddled with judgement and offence 😊 I touch up on a couple of these points in other replies - Though, luckily it isn’t something that comes up too regular but when it does, it just tends to get heated based on opposing arguments or contradicting statements, with research from dreaded SM but I do need to learn to agree to disagree or at least defuse the tension around it!

When I wrote the initial post, it was fresh from a discussion and I was super frustrated in truth… We are away with our kids and it was just not a pleasant scenario but reflecting, it was just as much my doing that it came up but that’s where the wanting to see other experience in dealing with opposing views and in amoungst the utter dross in this thread, there are some real positive insightful ones ♥️

Blimey, is this thread really still going?

OP - you have been given advice as you requested. As you have said, this isn't a marriage breaking issue, in which case unless your husband has extremist views, you're going to need to talk WITH not AT him, listen, put your views and then move on. If that takes counselling, then so be it. May help; may not, but it's got to be worth a try and a counsellor will have time to listen to you both and suggest strategies based on what they learn about you both in those sessions.
Good luck.