AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

[Whatsahappening]

Changed accounts
Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

"I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events"

How do these discussions work? Would you say something along the lines of:

I am the woman and empath in this room. Now, listen to me about the things that matter more...

"I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently"

You love your husband but politics is making you battle him?

I wouldn't prioritize political views over kindness in your own home.

You still haven't explained what facts you are talking about. I have seen stats that say men from Afghanistan, Eritrea etc are x times more likely to be rapists than English men. That makes sense as the Foreign Office warns against going to some of these countries precisely because the men are more dangerous and they're hardly likely to change their behaviour just because they're in the UK. And have you ever wondered why you need a passport to go to other countries? If I was the government of a country wishing ill on the UK I would be taking advantage of our lack of protection and care for our welfare from our government and sending men this way whether terrorists or criminals.

Don't be stupid. If the personal wasn't also political DV wouldn't be illegal, it would just be two adults in their own home minding their business and nothing to do with the government, as it was in times past. See also marital rape and child neglect. The state has a ministry tasked with addressing MVAWG in all its forms, so clearly successive governments do consider it a political matter.

And how successful have they been at reducing VAWG? The government now considers all sorts of things as in it's remit but that doesn't mean it is. And then often/usually make problems worse -they're just job creation schemes for middle class do gooders. What is in their remit is preventing illegal immigration as much as possible as many other countries do eg Australia, Japan).

You might want to spare some of your huge empathy towards your husband and your children OP. What exactly are you trying to achieve with ongoing political debate?

Don't ask your DH to 'substantiate' his claims. He is in no position to do so just as you are not able to 'substantiate' yours because you're both using SM to expose yourselves to the 'issues' and using SM to 'substantiate' your positions.

Neither of you know what you're talking about beyond the views being fed to you, on opposing sides, and then arguing about these views as if they are your own.

I thought we had this sorted and I woke up to chaos - lol

Ah, gotta love MN.

If you think the ongoing work to tackle MVAWG is job creation for MC do gooders, then the gap in your knowledge is a chasm. You really should think about addressing it before you make a fool of yourself on a forum predominantly used by women.

If I enjoyed an argument, I’d keep going with you.

I haven't read the whole thread, but have read your responses OP and have to say I admire how robustly you are able to field the balls thrown at you.

People have lost their reason. By that I mean people seem unable to have a reasoned, calm discussion any more. It's all emotion and knee jerk reaction and is promoted by social media. I believe it is deliberate, designed to divide us. And if anyone disagrees with this view, just look how quickly a thread like this descends into partisanship.

When I was growing up in N Ireland during the worst of days, expressing a view in the wrong company could get you killed, or at the very least put a target on your back. We had a house rule (as did many others) - no talk of politics or religion outside the family, and inside, NEVER at the dinner table. And my parents never discussed politics in front of us. With all the horror going on outside, this enabled us to have some sort of normality.

Politics by its' very nature is divisive, but what is happening these days is just off the scale. Trying to express a reasonable, nuanced view can get you painted as 'far' whatever and it's just not worth the bother imo. Rediscover some shared interests would be my advice, and steep yourselves in those. At least it'll keep you busy and away from the doom scroll *

*note to self to follow own advice🤔

Eeeeesh, there are a ton of vultures to a carcass in here.

Where are me non psychotic homies at…?

Don’t mind those views on the right, I mean give it to me all-day long against anyone excusing genocide or commenting around the supposed ‘most moral army in the world’, can literally take a hike.

I have seen LOADS of articles on this. Interestingly always this way, man becoming more aggressively anti-immigrant and / or far right while the woman barely moves. And it’s a general trend with men and women in general.

If the rest of the marriage is good could you possible make this an agreed “no-go” topic for both of you? State you will not agree so best to just not discuss. And shut down any discussion?

This: Thank you - A rabbit hole
indeed but his ‘research’ is instagram and Tik Tok, which is why we get into such debates about his views.
I’m hoping it’s somewhat reversible but I struggle to get through… He says I’m missing ‘the’ point and when he explains the point, it’s such a fabricated line with 0 stats to back it up. It’s a real challenge

Would drive me insane OP as people who confuse their feelings and emotions with empirical evidence. As are people who think “social media comment” = data.

If it was a boyfriend of a few months I would likely just sack it off but this is a bit different. If the only way it is impacting the marriage is discussions that don’t interest you I would just firmly state I am not discussing that. And leave it at that?

Well why don't you educate me rather than insult me if you're so sure of your facts. As Mrs Thatcher said " if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left."
I would love to know how this governments actions have reduced VAWG so I'm all ears!

Haha, I shouldn’t be giving an inch to some of these comments - So, I’m probably partly responsible for creating such a polluted thread but I really appreciate your comment ☺️

What a stressful time to be around and to be honest it kept people from opening such cans of worms and maybe I’ll build that mentality… Not worth having that ‘target on my back’ if you will.

It’s exactly that, emotion and I think I need to take some out of it as there are many accolades I can associate outside of this within my relationship, it’s the black tar that has seeped in (politics in general) and gonna start drilling it back out I reckon 😁

I think what I was trying to say is that you seem to have a happy marriage and family so do what you have to to protect that. All this bullshit division they keep piling on us just poisons everything good. xx

So anyone who doesn't agree with you is psychotic?

Keep going @Whatsahappening You are illustrating the point(s) beautifully that many posters on here have made about lefties. 😎

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Can’t EVEN what??

So its perfectly fine for you to belittle the work women are doing and have done for decades to address this problem as MC do gooding, yet you play the victim of great insult, when i point out you are speaking from a position of great ignorance?
Google the government's ten year plan and you'll see all the work being done. Clearly government ministers are not rolling their own sleeves up, that's not their role. Their job is to recognise it as a political issue and commit the funding so experts in the field, law enforcement agencies and women's supports services can continue their essential work.

I can't think of any other issue where behaviour mirrors that of the anti immigration contingent. There's a post from yesterday where someone is saying a stranger started banging on about immigrants to them on a bus, for example. I've had similar, where small talk has led to "Well of course, immigration doesn't help that..

This, THIS!

It’s like an obsession they have to shoehorn into every discussion. My old cleaner felt all her woes in life was due to immigration. I was just on holiday with friends and met this nice enough bloke with his family who took photos with us. He started talking about how he used to live there but gave up his flat due to Brexit (which he was against)….then meandered onto the change of immigrant profile into the UK…then started ranting about migrants and how all these men arrive alone and how it’s us “ladies” he felt sorry for. It’s was somewhat bemusing as our group of friends is all British of immigrant heritage / immigrant so odd he felt safe having his rant at is. But he did. You cannot get away from it. Even overseas on holiday. Even if you never mention it anti-immigrant people will find a way to beat their favourite drum in front of an unwilling audience!

Just look at any comments on a news article where a crime has been committed. Just people obsessing on what passport the perpetrator holds! I have never experienced this from pro-immigration people. (I am actually not sure I know or have met any.)

I find that “East London” has become a boogie man term in the same way “South London” or “Croydon” has. I frequently go to East London (love Mile End, I would live there if my employer would give me a massive payrise!) and am not sure sure it’s “flooded with unaccompanied fighting age male asylum seekers”. It does have lots of brown and black people though which in the eyes of many make it automatically no-go and automatically means you will be “followed and harrassed” on the street.

And then they concoct stories to go along with that.

You lost me at huge empath.

I knew before I even opened the thread what the political imbalance would be 🥱

Only 28% of those seeking asylum are female

Source: https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/immigration-system-statistics-year-ending-december-2025/how-many-people-claim-asylum-in-the-uk

I can't see that the Government has published any statistics on who actually successfully obtains asylum. Please provide your source

Thank goodness 🤣

Both of these statements can be correct. It just means (as if it wasn't obvious) that more men seek asylum but fewer are granted it. The problem is with the asylum seekers who know full well that that they are not eligible for asylum and simply disappear into the Black economy.