AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

[Whatsahappening]

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Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

Funny how it's always a MIL/FIL/Therapist/friend/boyfriend that's painted to be a far right racist and how could I possibly stay associated with these ghastly people. There's one every week and it's always lefties starting them.

A leftie looking to cancel her own husband. 😂

Yes of course they could be. But that figure was cited without any source and, as far as I can see, the Government does not publish those statistics, which is why I would like to see the source

Lmfao 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆

@LuckyHazelFox @Ghostiescotchie The baters are out in force! 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

Because these people exist. You must have met them? There's a few on the thread who haven't been able to resist turning it into another rant about immigration rather than giving advice on dealing with differences. Which is possible. You and I do it.
The threads aren't usually started about lefties because there's not an equivalent issue that we bang on about. And our approach to immigration tends not to be something we bang on about either. Because what's to say? We see it as a cause of moderate interest but think other things are equally or more important? Not very controversial to wind people up, is it?

I wonder if your partner is as intolerant of your views as you are of his…..

Empath indeed…

Ah, you're one of those people who don't actually understand what empathy is which is to put yourself in someone else's shoes and imagine why they would feel a certain way. Not but I feel this way and can't understand why anyone else wouldn't.

You think it's all 'look at me and my feelings and how much deeper they are than all the other people. They don't understand I'm an empaaaaath and must be treated as special while I choose to only have feelings and not actually empathise in any way and see why people may disagree with me. The people that disagree are just wrong'.

Yeah, you confirmed what I assumed from your empath comment.

It's narcissism not empathy.

I didn't deny that there's work being "done" or that there's a "plan", I'm just sceptical that any of it improves things rather than provides work for middle class people. You haven't provided any facts on this or disproved my scepticism.

Have we had a far right racist postie yet, where the OP insists on having them redeployed to another round?

You cannot even think for even a second, that you have enough evidence of
my character to claim narcissism - Hilarious!

Please stop getting triggered that I feel deeply for those who suffer. Look at yourselves in the mirror and ask why you perhaps can’t seem to put yourself in others shoes or have some kind of compassion for others experience, instead of coming on to troll people who are asking for guidance.

Odd people.

Huh? I think your confusing me with someone else - I haven't argued with my hubby or misspelt anything!

Oh come on, she alluded to immigration in her post. It's always a dead cert.

Oops sorry. The heat and this thread must be getting to me. My comment was aimed at the OP.

Is it necessary to provide you with facts about something that is common sense? Surely you understand that services for women save women's lives? That laws criminalising our abuse, rape and murder make us safer than we would be if the government hadn't made these things illegal?
I don't deny its still a huge problem, with much work to be done, but to suggest government legislation and investment in services has no impact is ridiculous. So ridiculous I can't believe you're posting in good faith.

Oh love, I can see your virtue narcissism.

Many can.

The way you've denigrate your own DH and his opinions as ill-informed, just SM, implying he's thick. Your carefully worded 'don't want to say racist' implying but..

Your complete refusal to actually rebut any of his opinions or any of the opinions of the other people on this thread who disagree with you, with either claims of trolling, rage-baiting or patronisingly saying 'well yes, there are issues of course but I really don't think they are what DH should be focusing on'.

Then your typical accusations that I must lack compassion for the people you have such deep, deep compassion for suffering because you think you're a much better, superior person.

You're the playbook for virtue narcissism.

Well said 👏 👏

Not giving you the time.
You aren’t here for any kind of good - Waste your energy elsewhere please :)

Sorry my mistake. I've had my post deleted.

I would very much like to bring this thread back on track - If no one has anything constructive/nice to say, let’s take it back to school… Don’t say anything at all.

Those who have opposing views, I welcome them entirely but come with grace for goodness sake, if you want people to digest your thoughts and views.
Let’s try and bring this back to navigation in a relationship and not being judgemental, we all deal with multiple variants of this outside of politics… Normal human question, around experience or suggestion.

& finally!
If you are hanging on so hard to the ‘empath’ piece… Please build a bridge and keep on topic. If you are going to comment around it, I won’t be biting to your narrative, judge me away from here all you’d like.

Here. I’d find it hard to live with someone who isn’t on the same page politically. Agreeing not to discuss things only goes so far. Some people seem to be completely obsessed with the boats to the point of fanaticism. It’s deranged.

Again, virtue narcissism.

'You're not worthy of me engaging with you because I'm superior to you'.

Your 'deep suffering' and compassion doesn't extend to victims of grooming gangs where Religion and culture was used to rape children.

It doesn't extend to a woman gang raped and spat on on Brighton beach.

It doesn't extend to the little girls and women murdered and raped in the UK by asylum seekers or immigrants who commit 'honour killings'.

It doesn't extend to the Southport Killings or other acts of terrorism committed by asylym seekers or immigrants or DC of asylum seekers mmigrants that reflect our failed policies.

Yes you'll say of course I'm deeply effected by them BUT white men do x, y or z.

You're the equivalent of the man that always turns up on threads about DV saying 'well of course that's bad but women abuse too'.

You deflect and defame and refuse to engage but simply can't argue that yes of course, white British men are doing heinous shit every day so surely we don't need any non-white British men doing the same or often worse, and should be focusing on that as that should be easier to deal with?

The white British men are our problem. The others should not be.

And white British men are not using their religion or culture to rape DC or women. Other religions and cultures are. It's in all the reports and inquiries.

This needs to be addressed without virtue narcissists saying 'so you don't care about white rapists?'

Or Epstein. He was a horrific predator and his abuse rings go up into the highest echelons of society.

But people are generally more concerned about things that directly effect them.

Like the thousands of UK families who actually had their daughters groomed and raped in taxis, corner shops and fast food outlets and dingy council flats instead of on a Caribbean island or on private jets.

The 13 year old girls who were arrested for being drunk and disorderly when they were found naked in flats with several adult Asian men.

The public sector workers who failed and still fail to protect UK children and adults because of fear of racism and because there's always at least one virtue narcissist who'll have 'deep compassion' for the trauma the rapists must have endured.

That's all the majority of people are saying. While being dismissed as thick, right-wing, racist or just not being as much of an 'empath' as you are.

People worry about children’s exposure to social media and online content. But the truth is that it has completely destroyed the minds of a lot of UK adults and especially older people. Your post just comes across as a bit unhinged.

I think it’s more, how can we agree on certain points and healthily disagree on others… May not always be so black and white, as this sure holds a ton of gray area but he’s not too far gone 🤣

💯