AIBU to worry about a growing political divide in marriage?

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Is there anyone else dealing with real political divide in their marriage?
I don’t want to go into all the back story but I have a husband who seems so fixated on migrants and drifting into right wing political views that I couldn’t be any further from.

I’m not a complete lefty but I focus solely on the things that matter more so (I feel) what is impacting women’s rights, my children’s upbringing and I am a huge empath and have really struggled with the current world events such as the genocide(s) happening within the world and genuinely fall to bits about it but the only passion I see from my husband is how enraged he gets around the ’impact’ the migrants have coming in this country - Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!
There’s so much I could share on the matter but I fear it could be counterproductive.

I genuinely love my husband and we have had battle after battle recently.. I am insisting on couples therapy as we are arguing about this stuff in front of our children but I really need help from those going / been through this and can help with a resolution?

I know he has his own mind and should steer how he chooses but I need to figure a way that I won’t put so much emotion into this, that it could really pull on my marriage.

Thanks!

What?

The facts of criminal cases and public enquiries commissioned by the UK government?

Unhinged how?

These are things that have happened.

Scrap that, thought it was around my initial post :)

I agree that calling someone a narcissist on grounds of being empathetic around the chaos we are all living, is indeed unhinged.

I grew up in a poltically diverse household and I think it's really healthy.
I don't like any extremes which can happen if both people feel passtiinaly in the same way.

Df was dyed in the wool labour , DM floating with more conservative views neither tried to foist their views on us ,or made us feel bad for any views we expressed.
I think seeing what I see now it's really healthy.

Exposure to social media is radicalising people to a crazy extent. It leads them to become completely obsessed with issues like immigration because they are exposed all day every day to an anti immigrant echo chamber. Most of these people are unfortunately beyond reason. For many it starts on a particular path and you start to notice the odd opinions or comments they make. But before long they are fully down the rabbit hole, ranting about ‘mainstream media’ ‘lefties’ ‘wokism’ ‘liberals’ etc. It’s the way social media works and it’s destroying people.

I’ve not had the mental capacity to read your full comment but again, I have full
compassion and empathy for those who have been effected by grooming gangs and the like.
Not once have I specified that this is not abhorrent and an absolute issue… That’s as far as I got as with my updated post of getting this thread back on track, this did not cut it with the ‘virtue narcissism’… It takes away all your credibility unfortunately.

I would really struggle if my husband started showing such strong views. We have been together years and do disagree at times on politics (he is more left then me). But we have never had a massive disagreement. If he started with all the X and tiktok stuff that would be a huge issue and I would question who this person was.

What's unhinged?

Real things that have happened and have been been published in criminal trials and public inquiries?

Or the people suggesting people bringing them up are unhinged?

"Which my view as a woman, is we have a far bigger problems within our own societies, within our own men/people in this country committing horrendous crimes, especially against women and children, yet not a smidge I hear around this!"

This is from your OP.

This was part of your claim that your DH was becoming right-wing and getting his information from Tiktok.

What bigger problems do you think we have among our own societies in regards to VAWG than grooming gangs targeting thousands of victims? Or asylum seekers in court for rape claiming as mitigation that they didn't know UK laws? Or honour killers claiming culture as mitigation.

I mean it's all shit, but what exactly do you think is the 'far bigger problem' and could that be more easily addressed than addressing the border control problems?

I'm interested in hearing your views since you seem so sure you're right and your DH and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong, a bit thick and just trolling or just not as compassionate as you.

Come on, we're waiting to hear why you're right.

DH and I have been together almost 50 years and don't agree on many political issues.
It's absolutely true that most people's political views move a little to the right as they age.
I was extremely left leaning when young and am now more centre but with an odd mix of left and right on different subjects. DH was always more conservative and has become more so. We've always disagreed on politics but neither of us has ever taken it personally. We still discuss and don't avoid topics.

When the children were young I always thought it important that they learned different points of view. So if for example DH and I were in agreement on a topic I would play devils advocate and explain the opposing view for the DC.

It seems to be a recent thing that people think that those who disagree with their views are "wrong" or "bad people" rather than just having different opinions.
I know there are lots of injustices and bad things in the world but I have never found myself feeling emotional about them, is that unusual?

Hear hear

What’s unhinged is the obsession with immigration above and beyond all else. These anti immigrant social media boiler rooms have created this situation. How many people dedicated so much of their time and mental energy to issues like DV or veteran homelessness before they were told that immigration was the cause? Yet now they post page long rants on social media. Why weren’t they enraged about these issues before?! Don’t you ever stop to wonder why so much resource is being spent directing your attention towards immigration?

@ThisNewZebra What do you not understand around this initial post?

I’m not here to debate with you or anyone else, I’d much rather keep that with the people I trust and not via forums where people thrive to pick you a part.

I AM AFTER ADVISE ON HOW TO NAVIGATE PASSIONATE OPPOSING OPINION WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP - Stick to the topic.

Thank you for your experience here and it’s so valid and eye opening… I love that this was presented to your children in such a healthy way, what an example.
I’m definitely going to remove the emotion as best I can and practise these steps because it sounds like a great way to really regulate emotion around these topics.

Not unusual but I would say and you can see by this thread, people tend to lead very much with emotion in many topics of conversation and I think tensions and divide has just escalated this 😊 Though, there is so much in pulling yourself back and thinking ‘what can I teach my children around how we navigate these topics’ I think that’s an excellent pull back to reality.

Thank you!

On that topic, the difficulty I’ve found with some people is that every conversation gets worked around to some sort of rant. For example, I remember mentioning to an old friend that I’d seen a good TV show on BBC2. But instead of discussing the programme, I was treated to a long rant about the BBC and then about mainstream media. They just weren’t able anymore to have a normal conversation about the actual show. I’m finding this more and more. I think it can only work if you’re both willing to be respectful and accept where you don’t agree. Similarly it’s important to know when to stop and change the subject!

This… & you know what.
I'm probably the culprit in this respect, hearing the trigger and the urge to cement a point. So, I do realise I’m probably more of a catalyst to these conversations taking somewhat an unpleasant turn… Then find out his views.

We just need to build a safe space for us both and initially try to go in without judgement and choose right place, right time.

And you have had many suggestions, yet this has still become a political discussion. Listen, consider and discuss - not with us, but with your husband.

I feel sorry for your husband, but there are plenty of us right wing females out there, should he manage to get himself free of your control.

And shouting is never an effective way to navigate passionate opposing opinion within a relationship. It just shuts the other person down. Of course if that's what you want ...

And how would you navigate things if your husband or partner became increasingly left leaning? That’s the advice that op is looking for.

This is vile.
People on the internet man… Find a fucking hobby.

Where did shouting come from?
Did you build that into the narrative of my marriage? Did not once mention shouting.

Such a graceful response for
someone who absolutely does not deserve the grace but thank you attempting re-angle, problem is… They want a rise, not to share advice.

Imagine being a woman and being right wing. Talk about voting against your own interests.

That's the spirit. If you can't persuade the lefties with your arguments, threaten to steal their men. 😂

Awwww, I hope you get picked. And lots of head pats for being a good little 'female'.

Many of us did.

And raised the issues which often stemmed from failed immigration policies and we were dismissed as right wing.

Once the issues became part of the public consciousness we were proven correct but some people can't accept the truth.

That 'don't you care about DV or homelessness' attitude is just the same false rhetoric we've experienced for years yet in the age of SM it's easy to say 'oh Tiktok said that' as a dismissal when it's actually people's lived experience.

Like I said before, it's the equivalent of a man saying 'women abuse too' during a discussion about VAWG or a trans-activist saying 'trans-women are women and not men' in a conversation about men in female spaces.

Or the white paedophile saying FGM is the problem that UK governments dont care about (he was quite infamous in the 90s)

It's all 'look over there, if these people aren't looking over there, they must be racist'.

And it really doesn't wash anymore.