AIBU to have a third child

[Blossomtreetoken]

Currently have 2 children. Ages 5 and 9. Both wonderful and healthy. Had the urge for a third for about 3 years now and I can’t shake it. I feel it’s crunch time, now or never. I’m 33. Husband is 38. Our children are our absolute lives and we are a solid family unit. We both have goods jobs (in our view) and earn about £100k between us (uk).

Am I being unreasonable to go ahead and do it?

This feeling has hung around for years but I’ve never had the courage to go ahead and do it. Mainly because it feels that I am risking our already perfect set up. Also concerned about age gaps.

if anyone can comment with any experience or thoughts that may help us bring this decision to a head and get either indeed try for a third child (am very aware this may not result in a child) or closure and we can move forward. In serious limbo.

33 isn’t old to have a baby and I don’t believe it’s at the risky age either. Most people generally have their babies from 30 nowadays. The risk is from 36+.

Restrictions on accommodating all children’s needs is definitely a difficulty though with large age gaps. My two are close in age and we’ve never been restricted on a day out - they’ve both always been able to take part, that’s been so helpful when finding things to do to keep them entertained during the holidays.

I have 3 close in age and wouldn't want it any other way. Im not wanting a 4th after being certain for so long I didnt want more. Something in me flipped like a switch. If I was to have a 4th they'd be at least a 11 year age gap. The gap gap will be hard as would be starting again. But im sure it will be worth it. I've just turned 38

I have four children (now adults). I had the urge to have more children until after no.4. I just knew that I was done and i’ve had no desire to have more children since . I can’t have them now due to my age. I have no regrets about having them but I would have regretted not having them. I feel complete.
i remember worrying about having a third but after she was born and part of the family, it felt like she’d always been there. I had my 4th when my eldest was 9 and youngest was 6. Again, he just became part of the family.
I think everyone is different and what they are prepared to give or accept in their lives varies. I have no regrets. I knew I could cope with 4 children. It wasn’t always easy and i’ve shed more than a few tears over the years when it felt too hard but i’d never change having them.
seeing them now as adults (19 to 28) they have each other and I know that if anything ever happened to me, they will support each other.
you can only do what you feel is right for you and your family. The unknown is a little scary…i have never regretted having any of my children, but i know that i would have regretted not having them.

Ive got DS10 and DS6. Combined household income including bonuses approx £250k (we live South London) personally I never wanted more than 2 anyway but I wouldn’t dream of having another, I can afford to save enough for them
to buy first homes, attend university, and have some savings when they leave home. I could also just about manage private education for them both. I wouldn’t be able to cover 3 to the same level.

I had a third.

money is tight but we manage. I don’t regret it for a single second. The six weeks holidays are tough (but tough with 2 also)

she is absolutely wonderful.

Appreciating all these comments so much. Writing it all down to help me weigh it up. I over analyse so easier to put it all down.

I had my third last year after having two very close together. My older two were 7 and 8 when he was born and they both absolutely adore him. They love to play with him, cuddle him, help where possible and he in return is besotted with his big brothers. I’ve had two with a close gap and then a much bigger gap and there are pros and cons with it all. He has completed us and it has been so lovely doing it all again and really embracing it.
Time goes so quickly and everything is so short lived so go for it!
I was 36 when I had him and though my pregnancy was a bit harder it was nothing I couldn’t manage. Have the third!

I think you just know when you are done, I always thought I wanted loads of children but after the second I knew that would be it and all desire for any more disappeared! You don’t feel finished and you are definitely still at a good age if you want to go for your 3rd, seems like you would regret not doing it more.

I have three - 5, 3 and 1 now. The eldest was almost 4 when the youngest was born. I love it.

I don’t think your age is an issue (I was 33 when I had my first), but I would worry slightly about the bigger age gaps. But I only know smaller gaps and lots of people prefer a bit more space!

I am the 3rd baby and I think I'm great lol. I am 6 years younger than the eldest.

My mom has said that it made holidays more expensive but I think what is that in comparison to a life?

I'm only on my first child at 31 and I'd like to have 3 but I worry about being too old or if i can cope if I have them close together so I'm younger. I don't think your age is a problem, lots of women have their first older than you are now.

Just bloody live your own life dont wait for an approval just do it!

3 here too. Best decision we ever made and she is a complete and utter joy. Her sisters are obsessed with her. X

I felt the same way. I was consumed with the thought of "needing" a third child. It was what I thought about as soon as I woke up every morning.

She's 12 now, and of course I love and adore her. But having her is the absolute hardest thing I've ever done. Everything is set up around families of four, which you don't realise the impact of until you have more than two children. Plus you have two hands to hold, two knees to sit on, and two parents to allow one-on-one time with each child.

Plus the age gap is really tricky. There is four years between my middle one and youngest one, and the older two wanted to do completely different things to her. Only now at 12, 16, and 17 do they really get on without her irritating the older two.

Three is harder than I ever imagined. Physically, emotionally, financially...
Plus everytime you have a child you are taking a gamble on them being fit and healthy. My youngest has quite severe SEN which has changed the lives of my older two. On top of this, my eldest fell seriously ill four years ago, and because of my youngest's needs one of us always had to be with her, which meant one of us couldn't be with him when he was gravely ill.

Honestly, if I had my time again I'm not sure I'd make the same choices. But, having said that, she is bloody brilliant and the world is a better place for her being in it. Plus the three of them adore one another and it is a privilege to observe their relationship.

I don't think that you can over analyse this, I think you're really sensible to consider everything.
I wanted a third child and my heart still regrets that we didn't. And DD2 was a twin pregnancy with the loss of the twin at about eleven weeks, so for me there's always the 'what if' which complicates things a bit. However my head knows that two was best for us. DH is one of three and did not want a third child. He was also concerned it could be another twin pregnancy (I hit every marker for a higher chance of this) that went successfully to term and we would have four children. I would not have a child without it being a joint decision and he has always been an amazing and very involved father. From the practical point of view children are expensive, you're in the cheaper patch now between nursery fees and secondary school. Neither of my DD are demanding/ materialist but university is blooming expensive and loans don't cover even rent. And through both primary and secondary school we always wanted them to have access to hobbies and school trips and the opportunity to buy in tutoring if they were finding a subject very difficult. A third child is a big financial commitment and we've managed to save for the two weeks have in a way we couldn't if there had been three.

Why would you be unreasonable? It’s your life and your family. If you want three or more and can support them then go ahead.

My friends 3rd turned out to be 3rd and 4th. Would you be ok with that?

Why don’t you try and see what happens op?
I have 3 and I’m very glad I did.
Having said that, there is a much closer age gap, 5 years between all 3 so it didn’t affect days out etc for me.
I also had zero reservations about having a third so maybe that affects his things turn out, who knows.

Have you looked at how childcare costs would impact your family?

It depends what kind of baby you get. DC2 had several issues inc reflux and we really couldn’t pay DC1 the attention he deserved for a while. Do factor in a risk of sleep.

We have 4 so 3 seems easy to me 🤣 the reason we had number 4 however is because number 3 was being left out. Now the older two are best friends and the younger two are very close. So with your age gaps I would prepare to want a 4th lol

My friend had a third after two aged 6 &8. It seemed nice for the first couple of years then tbh the older two were so much more independent, they wanted to be off doing fun stuff but there was a toddler in tow.the eldest is not interested in the youngest & she's a bit of a spare wheel.

Have a friend who went on for the third - child is disabled and has meant the older two have a harder time as a result. The child is certainly very loved, but mum is exhausted and has confided in me that he sometimes feels regret over the decision.

I have two, financially stable and they adore each other. I don't want to rock the boat so have settled on a puppy as my third child.

This is one of my fears. There would be a 6 year gap between this third child and my youngest and then a 10 year gap between third and oldest. I feel I may end up holding them back and I think I’ve got to put the needs of my current children before my own feelings.

Me and my bestie both have 3.

Her (surprise) 3rd is so chill but her DS took issues with no longer bring youngest and went from lovely to a nightmare. They also had to move house so the kids could have their own bedrooms. She really struggles.

I also have 3 but my 2nd child was twins (one autistic). I find it hard. I feel with three kids I'm always in demand for attention and if I do something with one then the another kicks off, and my poor eldest just sucks it up and I try and spend quality time with him when I can. When DH works from home I take two of them out and leave the other with him. Not to mention having to change both cars. Thankfully we have 4 bedrooms so they dont have to share and can have their own space which is important for children.

Do you really want to go back to the beginning ?! You’re just heading into the lovely years.

Stopped at 2 and frequently say how relieved we are did. We can do so much more as a 4 we love to travel though. Ours same sex and get on so we have a lovely family vibe. Plus young adults (stage we are) are frighteningly expensive now.

I don’t actually like the baby years. I like the thought of an additional person in the family and can’t let it go. I may need to though as some of these comments are so very helpful.

if we stop at 2, we can start going more places etc and that is exciting. We also have same sex children and they play so well together (3.5 years apart).