AIBU to complain after a bus driver shouted at me and my children?

[Buscomp]

My DC and I very rarely use buses, however with the free travel this month I decided it might be a bit of a novelty to use local buses a little. I asked for tickets for all of us on the first two buses we got on but the drivers said “the kids are free” and let us on, so the next bus I didn’t mention them and just paid for myself assuming this was ok, that driver said nothing.

We boarded a bus together this afternoon and I did the same thing- paid for my ticket and started walking to find a seat. I then heard a commotion behind me so turned around and my 14 yo DD was saying “mum you need to come sort this”. I walked back to the front of the bus and the driver immediately started aggressively shouting at me. He said “your kids need free tickets, they can’t just get on, they were so rude to me as well, can tell how they’ve been raised, why would you just walk on? You need to acknowledge the driver- how dare you do this” etc etc.

Me being me, pretty non confrontational and calm, just apologised profusely for the misunderstanding and if anyone had appeared rude. I explained other drivers hadn’t given me free tickets so I didn’t realise this was necessary. He just said “well it is,
now take them” and printed them…

I said sorry again and feeling shaken, walked back up to my DC. I then overheard him bitching to another passenger about teenagers causing a raucous on the buses and how they shouldn’t be free etc. I assume he’s had a bad time with teens but mine were with me and also silent for the duration.

I decided to speak with him again before we got off. I explained how sorry I really was, that we didn’t use buses often and the other drivers hadn’t given us free tickets so I just didn’t realise at all. He then explained it’s for insurance purposes and I said ok that makes sense, thanks for clearing it up and sorry again. He didn’t stop though and started telling me I needed to “sort my kids out” and “they were rude and shouldn’t treat people like that”. I looked at DD confused and said I’m sorry I didn’t realise they’d said anything to you, I’ll have a word with them now and thank you then got off.

DD’s told me all that happened was the driver shouted after them “OI YOU TWO GET BACK HERE NOW” and they turned around confused and said what? Then they called for me, that was the whole interaction. Given the way he spoke to me, a fully grown adult, I’m inclined to believe them. Should I complain to the bus company? My heart was racing and I was shaking, I haven’t been shouted at like that for many years and just don’t expect to be. It’s certainly put us off using buses again!

Yes OP, get in your time machine and do those things 🙄

It was more advice for doing that next time 🙄

Responsibility for what? Shouting? Ranting? Making personal remarks to strangers and their children?

Oh, hang on.. no that was the “poor” bus driver.
Yet funnily enough you've only expressed sympathy for him. He doesn’t need to take responsibility?

-And come to think of it, HOW do you think OP should be taking responsibility? By calmly and politely addressing it at the time, and apologising (unnecessarily) to the ranting loon? I think she actually did take responsibility, didn’t she?

It’s such a shame that aggressive twats constantly dodge accountability, and weirdos defend them and deflect blame onto innocent people.

He didn't need to know the kids' ages - he'd already clocked that they were getting free tickets. Weird that you didn't read the OP - I think you should act more responsibly, avoid annoyance for people that explain fairly straightforward things when you get them wrong.

You should have had your kids in front of you, so you could have verified if they were rude, and got the free tickets at the time if those are the rules

I can vouch that if those ARE the rules, they're not communicated anywhere I am (regular bus user) and as two drivers hadn't mentioned it at all she had no way of knowing, before she got on the bus and took a seat, that there were any such 'rules'.

In my experience some drivers do issue a free ticket, and others look baffled when you get on with kids and present them to the driver saying "I've got two children; they're free at the moment aren't they?" and just want you to go and sit down - it's seemingly very arbitrary.

You sound a bit like that Katherine Tate character who accidentally hires a northern nanny 😂
What did he say that wasn’t correct and factual? Your kids were rude and it’s reasonable for him to wonder how they had been brought up if they didn’t know to acknowledge a service giver is the most basic of manners. Maybe he shouldn’t have voiced that bit, but him saying ‘Oi come back here’ is how he speaks (probably to 100 rude teenagers a week) - an ‘excuse me, would you kindly return to the front of the bus for your tickets’ probably wouldn’t cut it.

I can’t believe how many posters are blaming the OP here, for what seemed like not very much other than a misunderstanding ( apologised at length for) and not being attentive ( seems to have become a terrible crime to some posters!)
I travel daily on a bus and although most drivers are lovely there are definitely some who are extremely impatient and aggressive when people make mistakes.

What an absolutely weird comment! OP isn't a 'tourist' and 'all year users' don't subsidise her, she paid the exact same amount as you would. If anything people who use the bus daily would get a weekly ticket so she probably paid more as a one-off. The free kids thing is a NATIONAL scheme so subsidised by the govt, if anyone.

The only person delaying anything was the driver. If the kids needed a ticket he could have just printed one.

And 'the worst' really? Someone who doesn't quite understand how something they've never done before works is worse than people who swear, argue, smoke, put their feet up, listen to music etc. on buses, let alone rapists, murderers etc. You might want to go hunting for a grip.

Why did you apologise 3 times, it was unnecessary and probably gave him a thrill of power.

Sorry. Sometimes both sides can be in the wrong/right, and both end up feeling angry.

But this poor guy has to sit there all day taking crap from people. That was probably the tenth time that day he had found himself having to say something (and, inevitably, some of those times he won't have read the situation properly).

I have infinite sympathy for him and people in that kind of role, who end up in the firing line for a lot of society's problems, especially rude kids, or what he perceived as such.

I appreciate you tried to say something before leaving, but at some point you just have to let it go and move on. It wasn't your fault.

I think you’re being a bit U to have wanted him to say this.

Yes he could have been more polite but an ‘Oi’ is pretty standard.
I would have been annoyed he was rude but not necessarily complain.

But I would 100% complain for the things he said.
It’s beyond disgusting to say about how they were raised etc - it’s not like they were trying to get on for free which I would be a little more understanding about his rudeness.

I don’t get why he couldn’t have been like “Oi come back here, you still need a ticket even if you’re travelling for free” - still blunt but without the rant.

I would definitely complain.
I work with some massive idiots but I don’t treat the next person any differently.

I agree - the bus drivers in my area really have their work cut out for them, but I notice that they never seem to scream at the ferals men and boys who incidentally get off outside the courts but the polite, inexperienced folk on their way to work/uni 🤔.

Yeah I would complain. No need to speak to anyone like that. Some drivers are on some sort of power trip. I used to work driving the buses, and I wouldn't speak to anyone like that. But I would see plenty of drivers who simply did not care about how they spoke to people. We had no training for customer service at all

They are not in anyway "Poor Bus Drivers". They are (for this area) very well paid plus they choose to do this job. They know before they start they are customer facing with all that it entails.

If anyone comes across such bullying behaviour then report it. The number of the actual bus is printed on the body of the bus, this is not the service number. Give as many details as you can, also ask for the result of the action taken against the driver. Complaints about a driver should be logged at the appropriate level.

Would you put up with being shouted at when working in an office/shop/hospital? No, so you don't have to be shouted at on public transport by an employee ever. There is no excuse for this at all.

How was the driver to know the children were with you? You tell the driver and say the children are with you, it’s not hard!
I was on the bus today and same thing happened, he did shout the mother back and told her she needed to still tell him about the children.

When did you and your kids get a bus last OP? You saying that you saw they were free and would be ‘novel’ to try it, so suggests that it’s not your usual form of transport….

Neither you or your children acquitted yourselves well, and really ‘shaking’ after the driver said you needed a ticket? 🙄🤔. This suggests to me none of you knew what you were doing and failed to exercise even common courtesies such as hello etc. Yes passengers should acknowledge the driver and even a ‘hello’ would be nice and courteous.

No, you shouldn’t complain. Don’t be one of those people.

I was wondering how much this scheme, and the VAT cut at attractions, would help those families of the lowest incomes - this post has helped answer that.

🤣🤣🤣

“Don't look her in the eyes, it’ll make her angry” 😂

Yes, funny that. They know exactly who to take their aggression out on with no comeback.

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that,here most drivers are just letting children on,yes in some cases the buses are being used as a mobile youth club,with some bored teens just hopping from one bus to the next,but that isn't your fault if you are in a public facing role you need to be respectful and tolerant he failed completely on both.

I'd have told him to shove it up his arse instead of grovelling and scraping- twice! 'Sorry, honest mistake' is ample in this situation.

As other posters have said, this isn't the case at all in London. Kids just get on buses, no tickets or scanning of anything (my 13yo now uses his Zip card but he forgot it last week and just hopped on with us)

I know bus drivers can get a but rude with the school kids, I've known them not to let kids without Zip cards on, despite them clearly being in school uniform but I think school kids in general can be pretty badly behaved on buses.... anyway I digress.

FWIW my DC gets the Tybe to school which isn't free but still requires a Zip card.

What outcome are you looking for if you complain?

Some bus drivers and nice and some aren’t. My grandad was a bus driver. My dad didn’t drive and he got the bus everywhere and got to know quite a lot of the bus drivers on his regular buses and would chat to them.

Recently my autistic daughter for the bus to a friend’s house. She pressed the bell at the wrong stop so when the bus stop she apologised and she got a mouthful of abuse from him. I know this as she literally replays things back word for word when telling you anything about her day. Later that day she was meant to come home and I got a message dom friend saying she was having a panic attack over getting back on a bus and could I pick her up.

We had a similar situation last year on our local metro transport when she forgot her card that has preloaded cheaper fairs for 16-18 year olds so she bought a ticket. She wrongly bought a child ticket. She didn’t realise at 16 she needed an adult ticket as on the buses she’s a child up to 25. Anyway she put her ticket in the barrier and it wouldn’t work. No idea why. So she asked politely for help. The barrier person took her ticket and asked her age. She told him 16 and she got told she was travelling on the wrong ticket and was then told to follow him to the office where he took a full description of her physical appearance, name address and phone number etc. she was beside herself and crying and he just shouted at her and gave her a warning ticket that next time she would get a fine. The way she was spoken to really upset her and she refused to get on the metro for months, even with me and even with her pre loaded card. Interestingly she didn’t leave the station to go to her destination but went back down to get the next train back home - despite her ticket being invalid. Panic had set in. She had the invalid ticket in her hand when she left the exit barriers at the other end still crying and visibly upset and the lady on the barrier just waved her through.

I understand people dodge fares a lot but she is a very polite and timid autistic teen who was travelling alone and the member of staff who took her details could have just told her it was invalid and let her off with a verbal warning and told her to get a valid ticket for her return but he made the biggest fuss. If she had have been with a group dodging fares then I could have understood his written warning.

He sounds like a massive A-hole and I don't care how bad his day was, he should not have shouted at you like that and make you feel that way, especially after you apologised profusely, what the hell?? Yes definitely complain! I would.

Woah there! You know absolutely nothing of what she was thinking about, when, why or how they got on the bus, in what order they boarded and what circumstances caused her to not hear the driver!

Jeez sometimes the trolling for trolling’s sake is strong on Mumsnet! 🙄