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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

281 replies

Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 01:13

My husband has been invited to one of his employees wedding, she has worked at his company for 20 years. The invite just has his name on the envelope and there is no name inside just a printed card. He replied online but it seems like it is just for him.It’s all day
We have been married for 40 years and would have never done this despite being on a low budget at the time.
.

OP posts:
Morepositivemum · 07/08/2026 09:40

A work wedding- I don’t think I’ve ever been ti or heard of a work wedding that included partners, they’re being nice by inviting them but can’t really afford to in terms of numbers!! Plus work people don’t know partners well in general and it’s a great way for colleagues to bond

Tablo · 07/08/2026 09:41

I think it's a bit outdated to assume a spouse will be invited when they don't know the couple. Why would anyone want a complete stranger at their wedding?

I was at my friend's wedding recently and all of her work colleagues were on the table next to us - none had their partners - they were having a great time.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 07/08/2026 09:42

Inviting a group of colleagues is fine without plus ones. Colleagues are quite low down on the list of ‘important people you want at your wedding’ IMO. So it makes sense to not double the amount of space/cost by inviting plus ones. There’s a group who know each other so they can have a fun night out at a wedding, or if, like you’re husband, they are still stuck on old rules of etiquette about plus ones, then they can decline. Either way it’s fine

SP2024 · 07/08/2026 09:43

It’s perfectly fine. He will have other colleagues there to talk to. I don’t see why because it’s a wedding you have to go together, and why does a church vs a registry office make a difference? Does he never have days out with friends without you? Why would you expect him to decline the invite?

Boolabus · 07/08/2026 09:44

Don't see this as strange at all. I invited a selection of work colleagues to my wedding not their partners. I've been to work colleagues wedding where we go as a group. They are not your close friends or family so having a few there to represent where you work that's fine. Don't forget her groom will also probably be inviting some work colleagues if they all had to include plus ones it would be too much.

Original poster
Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 09:44

Thanks for all the replies, things have obviously changed.and we are obviously very outdated. I will close off the comments now. Thank you all.

OP posts:
MySneakyLion · 07/08/2026 09:47

Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 01:38

I hope not @JustaDomperignon. I never heard of this before.

I have, lots of times. Weddings are SO expensive these days, every place has to be carefully considered.

I’m in my late 50’s so some friends who had kids youngish, those kids in late 20s are now looking at getting married but the costs are frightening. Average wedding is now 25K? Or something like that - Average!

And yes I have heard quite a few times that second tier/obligatory invites don’t get a plus one. Partly cos it would be too many people, people they don’t know at their wedding, and sometimes in the hope they will decline to make room for more friends, but not cause offence in delicate relationships by not inviting in the first place. It’s pretty common.

Because of costs and because most young folk are trying to save for a house too, many recent weddings I’ve heard of have been much smaller than you might have expected (from their social circles), and often on a week day (which again means several people not so close will decline).

dh280125 · 07/08/2026 09:53

It seems pretty normal to me.

Pssedoffathis · 07/08/2026 10:02

I have worked for lots of companies where someone gets married and they invite the team but not partners. The team go as a team and are seated as a team. If the team are going then that’s quite normal. If it’s just him and no one else at all from work then that’s weird.

ChristmasStars · 07/08/2026 10:05

Lengokengo · 07/08/2026 01:39

i do think the only exception to ‘plus one’ rules at a wedding is work colleagues, (or sports team mates, come to think of it)

i wouldn’t overthink it.

This. I would be very surprised if my DH was invited to a wedding of one of my colleagues as he has never met them. I would think they are just inviting a few work people.

ChristmasStars · 07/08/2026 10:06

Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 02:20

I know all the team but not well. He would find it very strange going to a wedding especially a church wedding without me.

He can just say No Thank you then.

mindutopia · 07/08/2026 10:15

I don’t think this is odd for work colleagues. Work colleagues are sometimes invited together and sit together and it’s a bit like a works night out. I don’t think that’s all that strange. It would be different if this was a friend of you both and he was invited on his own and knew no one else. That would be weird.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 07/08/2026 10:22

I think it's OK. When I got married (40 years ago) I invited my colleagues but not their partners because I barely knew their partners. I had said hello to them occasionally but had no connection with them. My colleagues all sat together and as far as I know, had a good time.

The situation with my husband's colleagues was slightly different. He'd been working with his team much longer than me and knew his colleagues wives very well so included them by name in the invitations.

VickyEadie · 07/08/2026 10:24

Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 02:20

I know all the team but not well. He would find it very strange going to a wedding especially a church wedding without me.

Why? I'm sure he'd cope...

I would never have expected to go to a wedding of one of my partner's work colleagues unless I knew them extremely well and we had a relationship.

Original poster
Battyasacat · 07/08/2026 10:26

Thanks all ,we can close off the comments now.

OP posts:
YouSawBrigadoon · 07/08/2026 10:26

I think it’s weird and rude.

My husband would automatically refuse if I wasn’t invited. He’d not enjoy a wedding if I wasn’t there, and vice versa.

Nighthop · 07/08/2026 10:27

I only invited work collegues and no plus ones. They all sat together and had a great time.

TheyGrewUp · 07/08/2026 10:27

Lengokengo · 07/08/2026 01:39

i do think the only exception to ‘plus one’ rules at a wedding is work colleagues, (or sports team mates, come to think of it)

i wouldn’t overthink it.

I agree with this and am a tradionalost who has been married for 35 years. We have been invited to colleagues' weddings singly and have found it entirely acceptable, especially when he or I have not met the colleague or their partner.

CosySocksBasket · 07/08/2026 10:30

ContractorQuestion · 07/08/2026 01:50

Many will disagree with me but personally I think it’s fine to only invite one of a couple, especially when you only know one of them. I remember when I was young it was quite normal for my mum or my dad to go to a wedding without the other, if it was a friend from work, friend from a hobby, etc., and as an adult I’ve been to many weddings on my own!
In this case. I expect the bride has invited her work team, they will all sit together, no one needs their partner there. I don’t understand the mentality that a couple must do everything together.

I also agree with this. Someone at my work recently got married and none of their partners were invited, just the work people.

HoppingPavlova · 07/08/2026 10:39

I have only ever had a plus one to one colleagues wedding, out of the several decades where I’ve been invited to many colleagues weddings. I didn’t give any plus one’s when we got married decades ago either. It’s not really the ‘done thing’. Who wants to take their partner who they will then essentially need to babysit the entire night. For the one single wedding where I did get a plus one invite, I accepted for myself only, didn’t even offer it to DH as I know he would have been horrified at the thought of going and having to be babysat and make small talk with strangers.

HoppingPavlova · 07/08/2026 10:40

My husband would automatically refuse if I wasn’t invited. He’d not enjoy a wedding if I wasn’t there, and vice versa

How utterly odd that you need each other to enjoy yourselves.

mcmuffin22 · 07/08/2026 10:42

I think it's a bit rude ...not necessarily to not invite but not to mention it. If money was tight and I wanted someone there but couldn't afford the couple I would talk to them first. However I have been to weddings where there have been misunderstandings about the invitations and spouses were invited but the invitations didn't make it clear 😬, so it is worth gently checking.

YouSawBrigadoon · 07/08/2026 10:45

HoppingPavlova · 07/08/2026 10:40

My husband would automatically refuse if I wasn’t invited. He’d not enjoy a wedding if I wasn’t there, and vice versa

How utterly odd that you need each other to enjoy yourselves.

We don’t. But weddings are long and can be tedious. The protocol is to invite couples.

MySneakyLion · 07/08/2026 10:45

BeEagerRubyBird · 07/08/2026 07:11

A wedding's about becoming a couple, you should at least pretend to celebrate your guests' partnerships on the day!

It's a celebration of the partnership of the marrying couple, not the guests! I always find this argument so weird, elevating coupled up guests above anyone else there - so single guests are second class/shouldn't be prioritized?

Yeah I agree - the whole “celebrate your guests being married too!” Thing is just so …. Weird and very Smug Married attitude! Look, we are superior as we have rings too - how fucking odd.

Ive been married for over 25 years and have been to quite a few weddings without DH and it’s never bothered me!

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/08/2026 10:50

I don’t see a problem with this. You’re married but you are different people with different opinions, personalities, friends and social circles, likes and dislikes.

Being married doesn’t mean you become a single unit and you don’t have to go everywhere together.

It might be odd if these were friends who you had known as a couple for decades but in a scenario where the people getting married only know one person in the partnership I don’t know why they should be expected to find space and resource for a random on the grounds that they are married to the person they know. Weddings are expensive and stressful enough without having to fork out for people you know nothing about.