AIBU to say no to a stripper for my husband’s party?

[ITanya78]

It is hubby’s 50th birthday party, his work colleagues are organising a party, which I am grateful for as I’ve just lost my Dad recently. However, one of the guys has messaged me (DH works with all men) to say would it be ok if they hired a stripper gram. I haven’t replied yet.

I was surprised, thought it was a bit of an outdated concept but I feel a lot of pressure to be the cool wife, say yes and not spoil anyone’s fun. However, I do suffer with body issues quite badly, I have a very flat chest that I was bullied about years ago. The thought of a gorgeous woman stripping off him makes me feel physically sick. I honestly don’t think I could cope with it.

So would it be ok to say no thank you or would that been seen as selfish? I don’t want everyone to think I’m a bad person.

Absolutely not.

Something polite but firm along the lines of “hiring a stripper is pretty outdated, it would not be appropriate for the party and I’m sure would make plenty of the guests feel uncomfortable. Really appreciate all the organisation you’re doing though, thank you”.

Nope, that’s not ok! You fucking idiot.
Would be a good response.

I’d also be rather worried about what else they were organising.

Glad you got the desired outcome.
He's still a horrible git for putting you on the spot.
Well said with the not happening.

You don't need to justify why you're not okay with strippers - even if you had the most amazing body confidence and body, you'd be in your right to not be okay with a stripper at your husband's birthday party. I don't understand why this line of "work" is accepted in society, and it was stupid of his collegue to ask a wife if she's okay with strippers. The answer will almost always be NO.

You can just tell him that your husband doesn't like that kind of thing at all, and it wouldn't be a good idea to hire a stripper.

Its also pretty disrespectful to use a living human woman as a prank. Consent both ways is absent.

For a 50th?! Nopety nope. I was at a hen a few years ago when a male stripper turned up, I quietly moved into another room where me and another girl enjoyed having access to buffet without everyone else - neither of us are prudish at all.

They clearly lack the imagination to come up with a party and event that's fun enough without a woman being paid to get into her knickers. FFS.

You're not a loser for calling them out on this. They are embarrassing.

There are so many funnier surprises that they could do. Like, get a comedian to come along, get a random ridiculous celebrity lookalike to come along, get some live music booked.

I have zero insecurities about my body, and the idea of my DP looking at a 'gorgeous woman' isn't something that really bothers me in all honesty, but absolutely no way would I agree to a stripper at his birthday party. As a PP said - I don't have insecurities but I do have some standards. And it's not 1987.

Also, at a birthday party there's lots of other guests present and I really wouldn't want everyone present to be subjected to a strip show as lots of people would be disgusted by that. If everyone present is happy with that arrangement, by all means carry on; I don't have a moral objection to people stripping for a living at all. But I don't think it's something that should be inflicted on anyone who hasn't specifically chosen that form of entertainment. It's a birthday, not a stag do.

Finally... my DP actually hates anything like that. He's certainly as keen on naked women as the next man, but he's always found the whole live/public element of strippergrams, strip clubs etc just painfully awkward. As he puts it, he 'finds it really weird that you'd want to sit there in front of other people while a woman who hates you tries to give you an erection'. I actually know quite a few men who feel that way. It's not that they're paragons of purity who only have eyes for their partners - pretty sure they'll all have watched porn at some point or paused to admire a bikini model on Instagram or whatever - but strippergrams and strip shows really aren't something that all men are into, despite what Mumsnet would have believe.

" Haha, almost had me there. What time are is the buffet?!". Make him feel stupid, because he is.

A strippergram! How very Benny Hill!

He's 49, so he's not from that Benny Hill era (he's too young).

I'm not a prude. I am very open minded. I just don't see what a strippergram has to do with a birthday? More for a shit stag do, surely.

This would make me concerned for what the rest of the party will be like!

This took me back a bit. When it was my DH 21st, we'd been dating for about 1.5 years and his family organised him a stripper. She turned up dressed as a nun and gyrated all over him. He was young and stupid and loved it. I was mortified.

If your husband is a decent man then it would likely embarrass him too, so I'm glad you've said no and they've accepted it. Makes you wonder though what some of them get up to on work nights out if this is their mentality.

Op updated the stripper isn't happening.

Nitros Mors is espically good on wood also as a (paint) stripper option

YANBU I accidentally hit the wrong thing on the poll!

Absolutely not.

did they specify a woman stripper? Maybe they are thinking of it more as a joke, with a man or an older woman?

Cringey and embarrassing- say no. Nothing cool about it- very very passé

I'm glad you got it sorted.

Surely to god the guy asking was joking!?
On what planet could a man sit there with a stripper hanging off him and his wife sat near by watching the whole thing. LOL

With a male stripper might be (sort of) ok as a joke at the birthday boy’s expense, but suggesting an older woman sounds like the joke would be in humiliating the woman for no longer being 25. Not ok.

Why do I imagine the colleague who emailed to be Jim Davidson?

You will be lucky if she is only half-naked!

Agreed.

And actually, even if it was a man, ordering a male stripper for a straight man would essentially mean the joke was 'haha, gay' and that implies that being gay is embarrassing/humiliating/gross, which is also an attitude we should have said goodbye to by now.

I would probably be extremely fucking rude to him to be honest. And I would wonder what my husband had said about me that made this man think this was remotely okay to ask.

I wonder if other colleagues were pressuring him to book a stripper so he turned the decision over to you, knowing you'd say no, so he wouldn't be the killjoy.