AIBU to say no to a stripper for my husband’s party?

[ITanya78]

It is hubby’s 50th birthday party, his work colleagues are organising a party, which I am grateful for as I’ve just lost my Dad recently. However, one of the guys has messaged me (DH works with all men) to say would it be ok if they hired a stripper gram. I haven’t replied yet.

I was surprised, thought it was a bit of an outdated concept but I feel a lot of pressure to be the cool wife, say yes and not spoil anyone’s fun. However, I do suffer with body issues quite badly, I have a very flat chest that I was bullied about years ago. The thought of a gorgeous woman stripping off him makes me feel physically sick. I honestly don’t think I could cope with it.

So would it be ok to say no thank you or would that been seen as selfish? I don’t want everyone to think I’m a bad person.

The stripper will end up on his lap, might even start making him undress, depending upon, how much the men are prepared to pay. Just say no.

You should oppose it because it’s degrading women, not because you’re self conscious about your chest.

Oh, that's a good idea. The Full Monty, too. But really how outdated and wanting to employ a prostituted woman (because stripping is a form of prostitution just with a 'don't touch, just ogle' badge, usually) and also embarrass and upset all the women present is appalling and exploitative.

I remember strippers being at my cousins 21st birthday parties (both male & female) back in the day… It was supposed to be funny, but it was excruciating for my cousins (both male & female). The strippers were professional, and the people who booked them laughed along, but it was absolutely cringeworthy!

My reply back would be quite simply .. No. Just one word, nothing else.

This. My DH had a stripper at his stag do (which I had no objection to) but that was on a night out with only close friends. He would be horrified by the idea of any of his work colleagues (or family??) seeing him interact with a stripper, he would hate it.

I can't understand why anyone would think this is even OK to suggest for a work event or a 50th birthday, it's batshit. You shouldn't feel in any way uncomfortable giving a clear no.

Very obviously perfectly sensible response from you.

But even more importantly, would DH not also feel really uncomfortable? This sounds like the work mates trying to organise it as more of a “prank” to make him feel uncomfortable than something a 50 year old would want at his birthday. Even if they were a group who would go to a strip club (yuck), would they also want a stripper to be at an event with other people including family?

This sounds like by saying no you would be doing both yourself and him a favour. It is not “cool” to facilitate him being the butt of a joke at his birthday.

You know what, you're absolutely right! Decent men dont do this bullshit and we shouldn't pretend that its normal.
OP ignore my previous comment!

Ask him what their employer would think

..just completely Naff

I agree with those saying to simply say “no that would not be appreciated or appropriate” No explanation needed. Honestly what twat kind of twat even asks!

Of course not. Not because of your insecurities though, but because it's just grim and unacceptable. Women are not objects for the gratification of men. Where on earth does your husband work that this kind of attitude is given free rein?

“I don’t want everyone to think I’m a bad person.”

Why?! Who gives a crap what anyone else thinks?
You’ll get the pick mes and the cool wives who pretend to be fine with it but are seething deep down, but I have far more respect for someone who’s confident in their own decisions enough to be honest.
(They’re probably asking you as a laugh to see what you say anyway).

I don’t have body insecurities, but I do have standards. ‘No Steve, it would absolutely not be ok. No strippers, no pole dancers, no burlesque, no prostitutes.’

Just reply "no that wouldn't be ok. Just an ordinary party, thanks, no sexist nonsense".

This

Revolting. Obviously it's a no!

Gaslighting women into thinking they're insecure because they have solid morals and don't endorse sexist, outdated, immature behaviour is a red flag. Also your passive aggression is unappreciated.
I'm assuming you're a troll, an entitled male, or both with this comment

This, in spades.
I'm so tired of women being told they're bitter, insecure, or over-reacting every time they have standards.

Honestly just posting to say how schocked I am they would ask you about this, how inappropriate? I would never agree to this for my husband.

I’d reply with “I assume this was meant to be a joke, right? ‘Cos obviously it would be utterly inappropriate, especially for all the women in attendance.”

I have been to so many fiftieths. No event has been even close to the kind of event that would have a stripper. This is so tacky and disrespectful. To you and the stripper and also your husband. I cannot believe they suggested it. You need to say no and embarrass the idiot that asked.

Not often I need to say it.
I'm male late 50s and the stripper bit isn't on in this day and age
Sleazy af.
I think the bloke wants that as a present to himself and not your dh.

Thanks all. It’s not a family do. I’ve replied a firm no and he replied “lol didn’t think so 😂” so god knows if he was serious. My head is all over the place to be fair so I genuinely apologise if I have started a thread over something that wasn’t meant. He’s a retired guy who’s doing the organising and he does have some outdated notions and it did sound like a serious proposition.