AIBU to say no to a stripper for my husband’s party?

[ITanya78]

It is hubby’s 50th birthday party, his work colleagues are organising a party, which I am grateful for as I’ve just lost my Dad recently. However, one of the guys has messaged me (DH works with all men) to say would it be ok if they hired a stripper gram. I haven’t replied yet.

I was surprised, thought it was a bit of an outdated concept but I feel a lot of pressure to be the cool wife, say yes and not spoil anyone’s fun. However, I do suffer with body issues quite badly, I have a very flat chest that I was bullied about years ago. The thought of a gorgeous woman stripping off him makes me feel physically sick. I honestly don’t think I could cope with it.

So would it be ok to say no thank you or would that been seen as selfish? I don’t want everyone to think I’m a bad person.

No Steve, of course it's not bloody OK. Thank god you asked beforehand though.

Don’t let this man make you feel uptight or silly for saying no. Who the hell hires a stripper for a 50th birthday. I assume there will be a mix of genders and generations at this party so why the hell would a stripper be ok?

Gently op, you need to work on changing your way of thinking.

Shame needs to switch sides

strippers are grim. It’s objectifying women and hugely misogynistic. Any man who would ‘like one’ should be embarrassed and ashamed of themselves.

they have done a number on women who worry they are ‘uncool’ if they say no.

if every woman says no, we will edge a bit closer to men realising women are people.

How utterly disgusting. I would say no and block him.

I like this response

At a party with work colleagues? Oh hell no. Just say “not sure HR will be on board with that”.

This! No woman should agree to this misogyny.

Of course, it’s not okay. You don’t have to say no thank you. You can just say no, that’s obviously not appropriate.

I mean, for one, I know my Dh would be absolutely horrified if a stripper showed up to his birthday party. Secondly, it’s a milestone birthday party, not a stag do. Do you have children who will be there? I assume at the very least you will have family and possibly friends with children, his parents, older relatives, not just his manky old work mates. I’m sure his great auntie does not want to turn up for an unexpected stripper show. 😳

No, of course YANBU - how gross.

This is an awful response.,
As long as women denigrate women like you’ve just done here, we will never achieve equality.

"Hi, think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, its not a stag do! No to the stripper, obviously 😆"

Just say No, as others have said. Really does not need any justification. It is wrong at so many levels.

Separately, please do work through your body image issues - so much critical and superficial judgment about your body that I am sure has served you well over the years. It can be very liberating to stop the judgment and enjoy functional fitness and health.

Stripper grams were, are and always have been major cringe. In my experience no one likes them so I really do not understand how they have kept going.

When they first came out 40 years ago there was a novelty element I suppose. I have never met anyone who thinks they are great.

I’d say yeah - say you’ll book it, and get a male stripper!

Seriously tho - what are they thinking? Totally inappropriate! Do you have kids who’ll be attending? I know my DH (same age) would die of embarrassment.

It’s really ok to say no to this sort of thing OP - they know it’s dodgy, which is why they’ve asked.

Absolutely not, what are they even thinking?

There’s always one isn’t there.

This is difficult to believe.

Well I'll do thing you all hate and give a male perspective:

I would be stunned and annoyed if colleagues did this;
I would expect my partner to say no;
I would be disappointed if she said yes.

Regardless of my partner's answer I wouldn't be going the party.

Wrong on so many levels.

However if you don’t want to explain ( … and why should you !) then perhaps tell him to ask HR for guidance.

"I can't figure out if you're joking? I mean you obviously are as it's not the 1970s but just in case you're serious then let me be clear - absolutely not ok."

That’s exactly what I was going to say!

This is so far from normal it’s outrageous. You tell him straight up that the request is offensive and in poor taste and of course the answer is no. If the reason they are organising it is because of you are going through a bereavement then it is even worse in my eyes.

I do agree with others- you sound quite self critical at the moment. Don’t be afraid to assert your boundaries as the suggestion is just grim.

You really need to work on your ability to set boundaries. You should not in anyway feel pressurised to accept this, to be 'cool' or to worry about what they think of you saying No.

This is in no way acceptable and they will in no way suffer adversely from you saying no. So just say no.

Another vote for this response.

It is awful that his colleagues think this is OK. In a work context it probably is discriminatory or bullying behaviour and at the very least is indicative of a sexist culture that results in no women applying for jobs.

Saying no has nothing to do with you having poor self image so don't beat yourself up for feeling like that. You are putting a line in the sand for unacceptable behaviour and standing up for all women. That's a brave and strong thing you should be proud of.

Oh crikey, it’s an absolute hard NO.