To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Yes I agree with this. Let the parents deal with it. Maybe she will lie to them maybe she won't. But you can't definitively say they did or didn't have sex or used protection or anything else, it's third hand information and not for you to say. What you do know is that this boy snuck in unbeknownst to you and this is the only information you should pass on.

It would depend, if I knew or had a feeling the parents would hugely overreact then I'm honestly not sure I would.

The girls have got some balls ill give them that. I once snuck into my boyfriends fancy annexe at nearly 15 to stay the night, that felt risky enough and he had his own front door and lock!

Of course OP needs to tell thiz girl's parents. And the parents of the other girls involved. And the parents of the boy because he went into OP's home without the permission of the householder and that is a serious thing
Yeah there definitely should be repercussions for the boy. What an absolute shit sneaking into your family home for the night and then shagging one of the girls in your spare bedroom whilst you, your DH and your children were downstairs. He's a piece of work isn't he.

Don't tell the parents

Thank you for writing ‘sneaked’ and not ‘snuck’. 🙂

Agree with this, I would be furious.

Put the topic aside (a sensitive one I know) the amount of disrespect towards each other in this thread is shocking. Come on mumsnet!!

I’d be fuming with DD and the other teens, and I would be talking to her parents about the night, though I would give the girl a little time to tell her parents herself.
The most concerning part here for me is the girls sneaking a young lad into your home when younger children were present.

They are all at fault here not just him he didnt sneak in by his own accord he was let in
And they are responsible for the " shagging "

Was it like a granny flat?

Yea.....sigh.......had some great times in that little love shack 😬 Parents absolutely oblivious obvs 😂

I agree with most pp - yes you need an urgent conversation with her parents.
Your daughter (as it was her home and your rules she was ignoring) would be in serious trouble too.
The lot of them have let you down very badly and shown zero respect for you and your home.

Why on earth is everyone going on about consent and criminal repercussions? Two teens had sex in OPs house, she isn't sure whether to tell parents. There is no suggestions of anything dodgy here just a moral dilemma for OP

Wrong. She is a minor and either she or her parents can make a complaint to the police. Why on earth do you think the onus would be on a CHILD to report a criminal offence?

Im more interested in the layout now😂
Did he have his own cooking facillties
Bathroom etc
How old waa he ?

Because your response to this post is fucking bonkers and dramatic. 😂
I mention university as a joke, because of the posters making comments about being badly brought up, morally bankrupt degenerates if you have underage sex.

I would be apoplectic with my daughter. Your poor other child running into an unknown male in the house in the middle of the night. Would your daughter even have confessed this to you if it were not for your younger daughter seeing him in the hallway? I would hit the roof and my daughter would never been allowed friends round ever again. They have all seriously breached your trust. It is utterly disrespectful to you and your house.

Of course you have to tell her parents. It’s a huge safeguarding breach. She’s an underage child who had sexual contact in your house and under your roof with a person who had no authority or permission to be there behind your back.

Also, whether it’s fair or not, this isn’t going to reflect well on you when the parents (and the parents of the other girls present) find out. I would never let my child round your house ever again. I know you say it is hard to supervise teenagers 24/7 but lots of people would find it hard to imagine how someone can have an unknown stranger who has entered and stayed the night in their house whilst supervising a group of children. Even if it was a skilful mastery of deceit to genuinely pull the wool over your eyes, it beggars belief how you have created a culture in your household where your daughter would even consider something as serious as this acceptable. If something as obvious as an unknown person staying the night was undetected, what about more covert things like drugs, alcohol, weapons, extreme internet content etc.?

I’m honestly not piling on. I sympathise. Parenting is tough and you have been put in a terrible position by your daughter and her friends. Teenagers sometimes completely lack perspective on what is a completely inappropriate action but this is a major error that has gone on. You are in loco parentis when hosting a child’s sleepover and you have a duty of care to this child and her parents.

You should also he telling his parents he snuck in so they can have a word with him too.

There are THREE months between them in a few weeks she could legally go and have sex with a 50 year old and no repercussions
But its the 16 year old who has technically broken the law
Thankfully the law is more nuanced than you.

I seem to be in a minority here but I feel sorry for @foreverornever. Of course you don't check on 16 year olds every 10 minutes and it would never occur to me that my child or her friend would betray my trust this way. I'm assuming that it was a set up specifically for them to have sex in the spare room and it is unbelievably discourteous that your home and hospitality was used like this. I would tell the parents the boyfriend was snuck in and you are furious etc but I wouldn't be revealing the whole story.

It was an actual tiny bungalow. Shower, little kitchen area with a microwave, sink and fridge, TV etc. It was amazing. His gran did live in it but she became really ill so she got his room, he was offered the annexe to sleep in. He wasnt in there all the time tbf.

Good times. I still see his mum sometimes and yes she she still has the love shack 🤣

Eta - we were both 15

Lucky him!😂

I would be contacting the boy's parents - he snuck into your house and stayed the night?!!! And you have a younger child? The audacity of it is staggering. Who is this guy? He need a big reality check. 16, sneaking into someone's house? It is beyond awful, and that's before we even get to the issue of sex with the under age girl.

My understanding is that police will only follow up on cases of consensual teenage sex if the parents of the girl complain hard enough. It's a risk the boy has chosen to run. Just like sneaking in to your house.

Are you sure he didn't take anything? He sounds so dodgy.

This for instance is dramatic. Literally nobody is saying that sneaking a boy in is great, and no one is saying ‘here underage girl, go shag in my spare room!’.
No one said they were supporting underage sex, and no one said or implied that not having underage sex makes you frigid.

People are just living in the real world where sometimes teenagers have sex. And that having consensual sex at 15 doesn’t mean you weren’t raised correctly.

You should probably tell the parents. I'd not welcome that girl to stay the night in my home again. I'd be having word with my own daughter too. In the place of the other parents I'd probably not let my daughter to your house for the night again either, since this happened under your watch. I don't think it's your fault , it as their bad decision, but I'd be worried about what else they could get up to undetected now they've proven untrustworthy, with the capability to operate without good supervision in your home.

Worst I had was when my 14 year old DD told me her friends that were staying the night had decided they were going to go for a walk at 2am. Not under my watch they weren't. But she did tell me so I could prevent it.

She said ‘I have never heard the term pearl clutching used as a synonym for frigid if that's what you mean’, She’s asking if YOU thought that’s what she meant. She didn’t say you or anyone was frigid, she was asking for clarity from you.