To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Even if the police did follow up its highlly unlikeley the CPS would press charges on consensusl sex bwtween two teens so close in age
In whose interests would it serve ? No one
On a side note i think all the teens have behaved appalingly
They are all complicit in sneaking him in

My understanding is (1) unlikely to be prosecuted if consensual but (2) still an offence if girl under 16

I was a teen in the 90s and absolutely did not have sex.

Hm, I do know someone who was prosecuted because her parents went berserk and made a huge fuss. It didn't help that she got pregnant, so social services were involved too. He has a criminal record for it and it shows up on DBS checks.

I certainly wouldn’t be having another sleepover for quite some time, no. Not because her friends chose to have sex, but because she abused my trust and lied to me.

The amount of people saying they’d “kill” their kids and they’re “apoplectic with rage”.

just wow. I’m so glad I had a normal mum! She’d have been kind and talked to me like an adult. These reactions are complete overkill.

Newsflash: teens have sex, especially as they get older… some start a bit before 16, most are older but it’s making sex out to be something wrong. It’s not wrong.

added to which they’ve alll seem graphic depictions online with porn. So many images and videos. I can’t understand the immense pile on to OP. Allow these kids some space.

yes it shouldn’t have happened but young people are curious. It’s not like they cross the age of 16 and magically understand sex is “ok” now.

no, they need support and to be treated with respect and kindness to make sure they practice safe sex and understand what sex within a loving relationship is. That’s far more important than shaming young people for being curious and having sex before a magic month says it’s ok now…

I personally think that the boy sneaking into another family's house, where there is a younger sister, is the most shocking part of this story. Yes kids will have sex, but you don't hide out in someone's house under any circumstances imo.

Exactly this.

So a child had sex in your house and you think you maybe not tell the parents because they are nearly 16?

My boyfriend when I was 18 and just gone to uni, invited me over for dinner with his parents, he lived in what he called a ‘little flat’ above his parents garage when he wasnt at uni. when i got there this ‘little flat, had a fully fitted kitchen, a wet room, a bedroom…oh and a home cinema and pool next to it that he had the only key to.
Prior to uni I’d been living in my mates sleeping under the stairs like I was Harry Potter.

I still have beautiful memories of that pool house…😂😂

I would say to the parents I feel let down and disrespected by all of the friends invited to stay including my own daughter. They allowed a boy to sneek in & stay overnight with your daughter.

I would stress the fact your are annoyed with them all. If this girl became pregnant under your roof the parents could complain about not being told

If there was only three months between them there is probably more to it than you know.

Yeah you are right! Mermaid please swim on and enough

Sounds amazing !

I think you should actually be apologising to all the parents because you were not supervising closely enough. Your DD and her friends have taken advantage of your hospitality and I would be very angry with them because you were responsible for them and they brought a stranger into your house without your knowledge.

It probably wasn’t unprotected. The vast majority of teenagers who have sex use contraception. Obviously we don’t know, but ‘probably unprotected’ is a ridiculous thing to say.

OP, I think you should tell the parents that their daughter’s boyfriend was sneaked in and stayed the night. Up to them to discuss with her what happened between them.

Reading this just reminded me of when I was 16, we were babysitting my friends little sisters and we had three boys round. No sex though. The boys left and we were all sat in my friends room talking about the night and unbeknownst to us, her mum listened outside. She was apoplectic with rage. She started hitting her daughter. Me and my other friend left the room, weirdly I think to give our friend privacy, as who wants their friends to witness that. We heard her mum say ‘where do they think they’re going?’

We all turned out ok. We were just hormonal boy mad teenagers. And my friend’s mum was clearly physically abusive. My own mum was a lot more laid back. I went home and told her what happened. I could speak to her about stuff like that because she wouldn’t overreact. But it goes to show I think that you can have a strict mum who will beat the crap out of you for doing stuff like that, or you can have a laid back mum who is a lot more chill about it, didn’t make a difference we were still sneaking boys in, sneaking out and having teenage sex

Why do you doubt it? 15/16 year olds are well aware of condoms and how and why to use them. Sex ed in schools exists and responsible parents also talk to their teens about contraception and stds.

She is not 16, she is under 16 and she abused your trust. Tell her parents.

The problem isn't really two 15/16 year old having sex. It's a group of girls colluding to bring a male into someone else's house, unknown to the homeowners, where there is a younger child in the household.

Teens having sex at sleepovers isn’t ok. The peer pressure is significantly higher and teens can end up being pressured into things with an audience there.

Having raised 4 kids through the teenage years, I'd just call all the parents including the boyfriend's and tell them that they were all complicit in sneaking him in and that your trust was broken. Accept the fact you didn't realize it was happening and that some of them might be a bit pissed off. That's really the only part that is any of your business. And then I would concentrate on talking to my own dd who thought this was a good plan.

No, in England at least, it's children under 13 that are legally deemed incapable of giving consent.

Agreed. Given the age gap in this case, the police will only get involved if sex was not consensual or there was coercion. We do not criminalise teenagers for having consensual sex with each other.

I don’t understand how people can be accusing the OP of not supervising a group of 15 year olds appropriately. Was she supposed to sit on guard outside her daughter’s bedroom all evening and not go to bed, to watch for any signs of a boyfriend being sneaked in? It’s not as if she went out for the night on the town and left them alone - she was sitting in her garden when the boy was sneaked in and then went up to her daughter’s bedroom to say goodnight. I wouldn’t have expected the parents of my daughter’s friends to provide close supervision at 15 and whilst I don’t condone the subterfuge, you will never be able to stop 15 year olds from finding ways of having sex, any more than you can stop them helping themselves to a few swigs from a bottle of vodka and then topping it up with water when you’re in another room for a few minutes. It’s what most people I knew did at that age, and what a great many teenagers still do now.