To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

I think you also need to reconsider sleep overs for your DD for a bit!

Not sure I’d tell the parents, especially because I don’t know them and don’t know how they’d react, but useless she could prove she was on contraception id be making her go for emergency contraception.

We snook boys into friend’s houses when parents were out, not while they’re in the house.
What were they thinking? teenage hormones on a whole new level.
Your DD must be very naive or easily influenced to take such a risk.

Not rubbish at all. legally if both parties are 15 then they both broke the law. In practise it’s very uncommon for that to result in a criminal charge.

lol I don’t blame you for not wanting to tell the parents 😬 good luck to you.

What a naive comment.

It’s a matter of what the law says and how it is applied being different things. The law exists to protect people who have been coerced or assaulted, not to criminalise teenagers who mutually consent.

@foreverornever

unless you live in a mansion how on earth did you let this happen in the first place!!!!!

Esepcially with younger siblings there

you absolutely need to tell this girls parents what are you thinking????

You must be joking.

If my daughter was involved in this fiasco there would be no more sleepovers. That’s a massive and serious breach of trust, and they were all complicit. There needs to be serious consequences for that.

The pearl clutching for me is because of the devious behaviour of these kids in using OP’s house as a venue. If someone else’s daughter has sex in a toilet or field it is not my problem. In my house it very much is my problem and not one I want to have to deal with. In OP’s position I’d be fuming, particularly given her younger children.

I was reading through the thread to see if someone had suggested the morning after pill as that was my first reaction. I totally agree that the girl should be advised to take it.

actually it’s up to the girl to decide to speak to the police. her parents don’t have any rights here. That’s not me being a ‘cool mum’ that’s just how the law works and how it is applied in these circumstances.

I wouldn’t breach your DD’s trust
Her DD breached OP's trust big style didn't she? Colluding with her pals to smuggle a strange boy into a house where her younger siblings were sleeping!

If these children think they are old enough to have sex then they should realise they are old enough to take the consequences of lying and deceit. OP's DD and her friends and the boy have shown themselves up to be untrustworthy.

If the girl in question wanted to have sex with a boy she should gave had the decency not to do it in such a deceitful and underhand way. She has proved herself not to be mature enough to have a sexual relationship by her behaviour.

Of course OP needs to tell thiz girl's parents. And the parents of the other girls involved. And the parents of the boy because he went into OP's home without the permission of the householder and that is a serious thing.

And the op and other parents then don’t have to facilitate any more sleep overs or get to gethers!

Yes!
My parents didnt know half of what went on when they were out!

By “slept together” do you actually mean had sex? If so, how on earth do you know that?

Are you always this dramatic? 😂

Having sex once in a spare bedroom is hardly ‘shagging wherever they could for cool points’.

Among my group of friends almost all of us had sex before we were 16 and most of us had very loving involved parents and families. I’d say i was the only one with a shitty home life really, but even with my ‘shagging about’ as you put it, I managed to go to uni (oxbridge no less!) and be a very productive adult.

How is that dramatic? Why do you feel the need to say you went to university?

This is so grim. Imagine creeping into your girlfriends mates house for a quick fuck knowing all her mates were listening.

Wtong!
In England and Wales, the police investigate an alleged crime, collect evidence and refer the case to the CPS. The CPS then decides whether to authorise charges, based on legal tests.

A minor (it doesn't matter if she's 'almost' 15) had sex under your roof, whilst you were there. Is the male also a minor or over 16? It makes a difference.

You can't absolve yourself of responsibility because you 'didn't know'.

Hes 3 months older it doesnt make a difference aa they are so close in age.

In the enormously unlikely event that the police were contacted, deemed it worth their time at all, investigated and put together a file, it even then wouldn't reach the CPS. It doesn't meet the evidential threshold and the friend wouldn't be classified as a "victim" for legal purposes.

Agree with this completely. Are people supposed to stay up all night to ensure their teens and friends are behaving? They could have waited until 3am and had the same outcome. Teens are sneaky , we've all been that age. I would be annoyed with my own and stop sleepovers until you regain their trust.

Absolutely this. Be honest, the only reason you are not going to tell the parents is that they are going to be understandably fucking furious with you. You only have the girls word that they used protection and this was only told you as a reason not to tell her parents. Lets face it, its likely they didnt. You need to tell her mum, and soon, in case she needs MAP and/or STI check. I'm mum to a 15 yr old dd that goes to lots of girls sleepovers. If I found out a boy had snuck into the sleepover, had sex with my daughter and the mum knew and never told me, I think I'd want to kill her. You were responsible for that child . Do the right thing, stop being a coward, stop making excuses thst shes not underage, she is, and face up to the situation FFS.