Page 20 | To not tell her parents?

foreverornever · 2026-08-05T17:45:25+00:00

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together. Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents. I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night. If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents. WIBU to not tell them?

littlebowpeepscrook · Yesterday 21:45

Imdunfer · Yesterday 20:12

Of course it's not acceptable. When did teenagers ever stick to parentally acceptable behaviour? Seeing what rules you can break is part of teenage boundary testing behaviour.

Edited

Show quote history

Yes but they don't have to suceed !
They need to learn about boundaries/rules and that breaking them produces consequences that they may not like.
In this way they can be prepared for adult life and all the responsibilties it brings.

HangingOver · Yesterday 21:54

HairsprayBabe · Yesterday 11:06

@chirrupybird
Not necessarily - yes if the girl comes from a nice, stable, loving home telling the parents is the best course of action.

But OP hasn't told us (and may not know) anything about this girls background, she could be put at more risk by telling the parents what happened. There is far more nuance to this than "underage sex bad - tell parents"

When I was the same age I had "sleepovers" at my "friends" house. Her DM knew exactly what we were up to and she didn't say a word. Which is good because my parents were homophobic. It was really lovely, totally safe and comfortable, I still remember it fondly.

Viviennemary · Yesterday 21:57

Of course you need to inform the parents. I would be allowing no more sleepovers. All of them behaved badly. Aiding and abetting illegal sex. I'd find it hard to trust any of them after this.

CaptianMunchen · Yesterday 22:11

Do only the girls’ parents get told in this situation? I have two boys and if they had sneaked in a house where they had not been invited and shagged someone in the spare room without ther parents knowning Is be angry with them. Not nessesarlity for the sex if if was 15/16 but for their lack of respect.

The boy here must face a smidgin of blame here Surley?

Laura95167 · Yesterday 22:32

I would absolutely tell them.

And i suspect youre thinking or not telling them, not for this girls privacy but because of how it reflects on you. A boy you dont know snuck into your house for sex with a friend of your daughter. How did that even happen? Where did it happen?

This isn't just 2 teens in love. They had sex at a sleep over with other girls, younger kid home, where did they get privacy? This is gross behavoiur in your home. I would absolutely speak to her parents.

And id speak to his if you know who he is. Whats he doing breaking into your home for sex?

Megifer · Yesterday 22:32

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:35

Just to let everyone know I have spoken to the girls mum.

All is fine, no assault took place and nobody needs to phone the police. They’re just two teenagers, three months apart being teenagers.

My younger child is also fine, they were scared to see someone they didn’t expect and came to tell us straight away which is exactly what we want them to do, they are not permanently traumatised by seeing a teenage boy in our house.

Obviously it’s easy to think your teens don’t lie to you or sneak behind your back if you’ve never caught them. A lot of the parents judging here don’t know exactly what there teenagers are up to.

dd is in trouble and I have spoken to her about it a lot since but she’s not going to be excessively punished just given less trust for the time being. Her and her friend didn’t have to own up and tell me exactly what had happened because I thought he was on his way in not his way out. I’m disappointed they lied and broke the rules in the first but I’m glad they felt they could immediately fess up and were willing to apologise and talk about it sensibly.

Thankyou for the helpful replies.

Good outcome op! 😊

rainbowunicorn · Yesterday 22:41

Laura95167 · Yesterday 22:32

I would absolutely tell them.

And i suspect youre thinking or not telling them, not for this girls privacy but because of how it reflects on you. A boy you dont know snuck into your house for sex with a friend of your daughter. How did that even happen? Where did it happen?

This isn't just 2 teens in love. They had sex at a sleep over with other girls, younger kid home, where did they get privacy? This is gross behavoiur in your home. I would absolutely speak to her parents.

And id speak to his if you know who he is. Whats he doing breaking into your home for sex?

Edited

Maybe read the OPs posts. The answers to all your questions are there. Not to mention the OP has told the girls parents. Nobody broke in anywhere. You just made yourself look daft with that.

changeme4this · Yesterday 22:51

I agree that the Boy’s parents also need to be told. I would be horrified if my DS had pulled that stunt.

many years ago our niece of the same age was teasing an older male (mid twenties I would think) on line and she obviously didn’t realise others in the family/friends circle could see it.

i stepped in and told the chap in no uncertain terms who he was flirting with and age. He appeared genuinely shocked (I threatened to report the chap to the police if he continued) and my niece begged me not to tell her parents.

the conversation stopped and I dwelt on it for a while. I ended up telling my SIL however obviously the niece had got to her first and in my opinion minimised the conversation. I should have screen shot it in hindsight.

fast forward and my niece became more sneaky. I no longer have any contact with her albeit she is nearing 30 but she is giving her parents hell.

I guess what I want to say OP is just keep your ears and eyes open…

Change2banon · Yesterday 23:03

Laura95167 · Yesterday 22:32

I would absolutely tell them.

And i suspect youre thinking or not telling them, not for this girls privacy but because of how it reflects on you. A boy you dont know snuck into your house for sex with a friend of your daughter. How did that even happen? Where did it happen?

This isn't just 2 teens in love. They had sex at a sleep over with other girls, younger kid home, where did they get privacy? This is gross behavoiur in your home. I would absolutely speak to her parents.

And id speak to his if you know who he is. Whats he doing breaking into your home for sex?

Edited

Clearly you’ve not bothered to read the thread? 🙄🙄

AstonCanKissMyArse · Yesterday 23:19

HairsprayBabe · Yesterday 15:49

@penflapup well fortunately MNHQ agreed and deleted your hideous accusation.

What-iffing about a non existent older sibling is irrelevant and verging on batshit.

They should not have sneaked in a stranger (gender irrelevant) - puts the OP in an unfair and tricky situation

They should not have had sex in someone else home - bad manners regardless of anything else, the underage element isn't important.

You are projecting your feelings onto all the other things, this kind of thing happened fairly often in my teen friendship group, no one was pressured or shamed or bullied. Most of us are still friends now!

All the teens involved behaved badly but it isn't because of the underage sex specifically..

The sex of a person sneaking into the house is very relevant, for obvious reasons.

Likaom · Today 00:04

I wouldn’t like it on my watch at at all, but it’s common for teenagers to lose their virginity at parties. I think the OP should’ve been wiser.i don’t know what to say, was girl ok the next morning? Maybe she will fell bad about it after some time. Also, some teenagers fall in love forever, maybe that’s a thing?