To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

She's underage and was in your care of course you should tell her parents. If this was your daughter surely you would expect her friends parents to tell you?

Some posters on here are demonstrating perfectly why op might have had some doubts over telling the parents 😬

I mentioned it earlier but worth mentioning again, when my girls were younger, there was a tv show called Hider in the House, which involved a family hiding a celebrity in the house for a weekend to see if the dad would notice. The dad thought the film crew was there to film him about his hobby but it was a cover story for the bigger prank. I was always pretty appalled by it but anyway the dads hardly ever found the hiders!

Most people don't expect there to be a stranger in the house and will put unusual noises down to sth else.

So I can see how it happened physically - i just can't get my head around these kids planning this in someone else's house.

I'd love all the people who have responded on this thread to declare whether they are parents.

Because as a non parent the blindness to the sexual activities of many 15 year old girls and boys is pretty astonishing. There are tons of them at it like rabbits hiding the fact from their parents. And as long as both of them are the same age I see nothing wrong with it and they certainly wouldn't be arrested for it. If we could be more open about it we could make sure they were protected from pregnancy and disease.

If she hadn't had sex in your house it would have been in a park or in the loo at a club or somewhere. You didn't let him in, you didn't know, and they had a lot of fun hiding him.

And so, no, I wouldn't tell anyone, I would respect her wishes because she's not going to stop and all you're going to do is cause her probably to get in a lot of trouble with her parents. In her effort to connect with the boy if, for example, she is grounded by then, she might them, get herself into dangerous situations.

Sex is fun, even more so for the young, you can't stop them you can only drive them to do it in bad or unsafe places.

Totally agree about the sex
But i do think the kids have behaved badly letting him
I also think its quite odd they would have sex whilst at a sleepover knowing the ithers would be aware of whats going on.

I don’t know OP I probably wouldn’t get involved.

When I was (granted, 16) the mum of a friend of mine said me and my boyfriend could stay in her sister’s room (away at uni) together after a party at their house. She knew we were having sex but that my parents weren’t comfortable with having sleepovers and her view was that she was helping to facilitate me having a nice experience rather than what we were obviously going to do anyway and doing it in his car (was 17), in very remote places outdoors, or trying to fit in in while our parents were out. To be honest I always appreciated it and her view was that she was helping me participate in something I would have participated in anyway, safely.

I would wager this girl has similar parents to mine and they would not approve which is why it happened at yours. I know they are 15 so it is different but I still wouldn’t say anything.

You have an opportunity to be a trusted adult in this regard where she may well need one. You tell her parents and she may have no adult she can speak to should things go awry.

It would be perceived as allowing under age sex to go ahead with OPs permission on their property which would be a crime (fact) and if OP doesn't tell the kids parents, but the parents find out at a later date and go to the police, depending what kind of parents they are of course, then OP coukd be in big trouble, which is a total grey area of ifs and buts, but personally,, I wouldnt take any chances.

Agree. But a bedroom and bed next to friends who know probably beats ants in your knickers in the park.

Lol the Op didnt know he was there how oan earh can she have allowed it ?
You are just making it up as you go along 😂

Age of consent around Europe

14 or 15 more common than 16

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent_in_Europe

True!

There would be no more sleep overs if it was my house! And you must tell her parents as well as the parents of all the others! They’ve disrespected your home and put you in a very difficult situation by being devious and deceptive!

Whilst you might technically be correct, I don't know, it is a fact that a consensual relationship between a boy and a girl who are months apart in age would NEVER be treated by the police as a crime unless coercion or force was involved.

The OP did not even know he was in the house there is simply no way the police would be remotely interested in this.

Agreed. As the teenagers involved are close in age, the police aren't going to charge them with anything. There is no way OP would be charged if the teenagers aren't charged.

Putting that to one side, the only possible offence would be causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. Even if this was something the police wanted to pursue (which they absolutely wouldn't when dealing with teenagers close in age having consensual sex), they would have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that OP knew the boy was in her house and that OP encouraged the couple to have sex. Absolutely not going to happen.

Tell the other parents as well 🤣

Imagine phoning up a school mum (who you probably don’t know) and telling them that two teenagers (that they may not know) had sex at a party

Did you not read the part where ALL the teenagers helped sneak the youth into the OP house? Great parenting skills if you think that kind of behaviour is acceptable 🙄

It is unbelievably standard teenage behaviour

SWAB THEM FOR DNA AT THE DOOR whaaaat

I can't imagine how these girls managed to sneak a boy in without you knowing.
Do you live in a massive house?

You need to tell them. If this happened to my kid under any of my friend’s parents watch I would cut them off immediately. You need to give them the opportunity to exercise their parental rights

unbelievably standard

What do you mean?

It's standard and or it's not believable?

Oh, give over

Of course it wouldn't be.

Do you honestly think the police would be remotely interested in this as a crime with all the rapes never reaching court, prisoners being let out early blah blah.

Get real!

Of course it's not acceptable. When did teenagers ever stick to parentally acceptable behaviour? Seeing what rules you can break is part of teenage boundary testing behaviour.

If you read the OP’s posts you will see that she was in the garden when the boy sneaked in. The daughter’s bedroom is on a different floor so she was less likely to hear anything untoward going on, and he must have been hiding when she went up to say goodnight to the daughter and friends