To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Yes another for telling the parents they snuck a boy in without your knowledge. Then let them discuss the rest with their daughter.

His parents need to know, too.

As the OP has said, she was a terrible, irresponsible parent who dared to sit in her back garden on a very hot summer’s evening while the boy sneaked into the house, presumably through the front door.

Unless the guests had exclusive use of the east wing, then op should certainly be aware of who is and who isn’t on the premises.
Especially when she’s invited other people’s children to stay.

Isnt it just
I mean legally the same girl could have sex with a 50 year old man in four weeks and no laws would be broken.

Which brings me back to the various hiding places available, and how scheming kids can be, so helicoptering over nearly 16 year olds would achieve absolutely nothing.

Maybe op could have read them all a story?

This

I can just imagine my daughter’s reaction if I’d insisted on looking under her bed for young men hiding ready to pounce as soon as I’d left the room 😆

An under 16 can't legally consent, ergo rape.

I can see how this happened - I used to hate having sleepovers for this very reason i.e. someone does something stupid that you are responsible for. You do have to tell the parents though. I personally wouldn't tell all the parents, just the parents of the girl in question. You've just got to make that call as best you can and face any consequences but from my perspective I can see how if husband and me were sat in our back garden, random teenager is helped to climb in at the front of the house, we would have been none the wiser too. Good luck.

Oh, ffs you are hysterical. And not in a laughing way.

Yes, and my DH was/is the same.

Sexual activity is illegal between a 16 year old and an under 16. The under 16 cannot legally give consent, so it is factually rape.

No. FGS you do not understand the law and you have such a punitive view that I'm concerned you need to step away here.

You need to tell her parents. It’s the right thing to do and also an offence has been committed whilst she was under your duty of care. Im
not sure you’re grasping the seriousness of the situation. I imagine the other parents will find out too so I would tell them too.

No an under 13 cant consent so it would be automatic rape
The law recognises that some 13 -15 year oldss do have sex and and whilst its illegal its sex with a minor
And as they are so close in age
The polce wouldnt seek to prosecute.

Factually you are talking bollocks.

Go and have a cup of sweet tea 🙄

If you want the correct law term then he "
committed the offence of "sexual activity of a child"

Statutory rape is more a U.S. term.

I'm not being punitive. I'm just saying what it could legally be classed as so ok, not "rape" by definition, but the offence quoted above.

I don't need to step away, thanks though! 😂

You said “I highly doubt they were properly protected…from pregnancy and all the other harms”

But there’s no reason to make a such a strong assumption that teenagers aren’t aware of STIs and how to avoid pregnancy- most are well educated about it and definitely want to avoid these things. By all means check with your own child but don’t assume they’re clueless.

Again, unless op sat by the door/performed a thorough search at 15 minute intervals/brought in a sniffer dog/used thermal imaging its not all on op that this happened. I wouldnt even suggest any of this is op's fault.

Im genuinely surprised how naive some people are on MN nowadays.

The 'friend' and her boyfriend, plus the OP's daughter (perhaps under pressure from the other teens) are the people who 'let them down.'
OP, you must tell the parents. They have a right to know, and I think if the situation was reversed, you'd want to know yourself.
Also, if this group of teenage friends get away with it once, they may well try it again and you don't know what will happen the next time. They clearly can't be trusted.

Yes you need to tell her parents. They trusted you to look after their daughter and make sure she was safe in your care while staying at your house. Then you allowed a boy to access the house and have sex with her. Don’t care who snuck him in, it’s a massive breach of trust if you don’t tell them.

You should tell ! What are you trying to achieve for not telling to be a cool mum or something ? How old was the boy ?

You must. Youre a shit parent if you dont.

Cameras on the doors and motion sensors.

Swab them for DNA too at the door.

Its the bare minimum you can do.

But I bet a determined teen would still find a way 😂