To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Regardless of age using protection or whatever this was in YOUR house not acceptable

Charged with what?
I think they all behaved appalingly
But posters are getting carried away with themselves
We have had accusations of coercion
Rape ,Grooming
And now the Op is going to be charged eith something ?
Are people so black and white in their thinking that they cant see nuances in the law.?

One time I drank underage and immediately told my mum when I got home. Another time, I had a party while my parents were out of town and felt horrible for breaking their trust and so ended the party early. And then I told my mum. I wasn't perfect but I also understood that being disrespectful to the rules set by my parents wasn't okay. Neither situation resulted in punishment or even a conversation because they saw that I was doing the right thing by owning my mistake and learning from it. This is something we should all want from our children.

Why is your dd so disrespectful of your home? As well as being shocked at the sneaking the friend’s bf in and letting them use a spare bedroom I would be furious with my dd’s lack of respect and trust to allow such a thing. Did they spend the entire night together in a spare bedroom?

Agree of course you should tell them, if you haven’t already done so.

What are the consequences for DD? This was a serious breach of trust by her.

I would be devastated and mortified as the hosting parent.

This X 10

How can you not take this seriously when it happened in your house?!

You seem way too relaxed about this - the girl was underage and they had sex in your house on your watch!

It’s not about ‘pearl clutching ‘ - it’s basic safeguarding!

Better to have snuck in unawares than in a outdoor park or car.
Christ sake.
I woukd talk to the oarebts and ask them to check the daughter is well advised on safe sex.
Without making it a bad or shameful thing.
So glad I can openly talk about sex with my family but teens will do what teens want to despite adult ideals.
Shouldnt couldnt wouldnt...yawn.

Again, the parents were awake! This is the problem, they were awake and failed to realise that another child and entered their house and was having sex in their guest room.

Rapey ? What. On. Earth ?

Ring doorbell would have (probably) prevented this. Unless he climbed in through a window.

Suppose more than one boy had been snuck in, it could easily have been that way considering the lack of awareness going on.

Aside from the issue of telling her parents you need to read the riot act to your dd.

Yes they weren’t awake at the time the boy sneaked in but they were sitting in their garden. I think the OP said her daughter’s bedroom is on a different floor to her so once she had been up to say good night then she probably wouldn’t have heard what they were up to. It would have been very easy for my daughter to have sneaked someone into our house and up the stairs even if I’d been in the house rather than the garden - if I was in my kitchen, I wouldn’t hear if someone came in very quietly. Likewise if I was in the toilet or bathroom.

So he raped her then.

She’s not her dd though so this girl’s sex life shouldn’t be taking place under OP’s roof.

Shag about? What a horrible phrase. Shes 15. She’s slept with her boyfriend. Old enough to discuss it with her parents? I’m 45 and couldn’t think of any thing more horrific. I do think OP should tell her parents that the boyfriend was snuck in, though I wouldn’t go into specifics. Maybe you could call them and tell them their daughter is ‘shagging about’

You were a good teen. Me too. My Mom knew I was not a wild teenager so she didn't have very strict rules. No need to.

You were very considerate of your parents. Do you maintain that close relationship with them as an adult?

Dramatic but true : If he is 16 you let a paedophile into your house to rape a minor

In reality. : id let the parents know the boy sneaked in - let them work out and ask out the rest for themselves

It’ll be a sensitive conversation to have but the best thing to do is to tell them - if she’s under 16 and you don’t really know anything about the boyfriend then this could also pose as a safeguarding issue.

Her parents trusted you when they agreed to let her stay at your house for a sleepover, and while it’s not your fault if they snuck him in without your knowledge, this happened in your home while you were present. You have an obligation to tell them. And they (the kids!) need to understand that this is part of the consequence of lying and doing things like this behind parents back.

Also, if her parents somehow find out that this happened and that you knew about it and didn’t say anything, I don’t see how they could trust you again. Especially if they shared this with other parents, then it could mean a lot of parents don’t feel comfortable letting their kids visit your home.

Best to tell the parents - it’s the right thing to do.

She consented so it wasent rape
It was sex with a minor
As there is only 3 months between them and it was consensusal nothing will be done
The law is too protect children from being abused by adults not punish two similarly aged teens.

I think this is the best way to go to be honest, but yes, you definitely do have to say something!

I wasn't comparing the situations. My comment was aimed at those who were suggesting they'd be able to stop their DC being sly.

I really dont know how posters cant seem to imagine how this could have happened. Have none of you seen the various layouts of different homes widely available?

Well, this…
How could you not notice?

Wow, the hysteria here is unbelievable. It is honestly shocking to hear "rape" be thrown around so obsessively. People seem to be losing their minds over this.

This thread is getting truly ridiculous. The girl concerned is almost 16, from what the OP has said, she and her friends sneaked the girl’s boyfriend, who is just 16, into the house and they had sex. There is no information to indicate whether this was the first time or if theyre generally at it like rabbits whenever they can. To call the boy a paedophile and suggest thst he raped the girl is bizarre.

Dont be uttelrly ridiculous
Clearly you dont know whst a paedophile id
Hint its not a 16 year old boy having consenual sex with a girl three months younger than him
Paedophiles are attracted to pre pubescent children .