To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

I’m not out all night, we come home, but she’s definitely had friends over while we’ve been out for dinner etc

Condoms aren't infallible and don't protect against all stds. If it were my child I'd want to be sure there was no pregnancy

You were in loco parentis and the girl is under age morally and legally. The fact your daughter was complicit in this is also pretty serious - is she doing the same ? Of course you need to inform her parents - absolutely no question about it; especially as you seem to be completely vague about the whole circumstances, the age of the boy concerned or how and why you are aware they had sex when apparently on a sleepover with a bunch of girls ?? They need to get the full story from their daughter and if you say nothing and they find out later you could even face legal investigations

You should also consider how easy your daughter found it to get a boy in the house without you knowing

Legally rape. Yes tell them

I wouldn’t tell them! She is Gillick competent and can make her own decisions.

Her having sex is her business in my opinion and if she does not want her parents to know I feel quite strongly they shouldn't. You do not know how they will react, they may be ok butnthey also maynot and the fallout can be horrendous. It is not your place to tell her parents.

I believe you should as some others have said, inform her parents of her disrespecting you and your family. She should understand this is not OK and it's her parents responsibility. This may also open up room for the conversation between them. Good luck.

This. OP, you were the legal adult responsible for these children and you failed them and their parents. Completely ludicrous that you no idea another person had entered your home, was having sex with someone in your home and stayed over. I can only assume that you were drunk and that you are this lax in normal day to day parenting as I can't imagine your daughter allowing this to happen if you had values and rules for your home.

Sex with a minor
And as they are so close in age the police will not prosecute

‘Sneaked’ not the horrible US expression ‘snuck’

Ever get away with something bad as a teen? 🫣
What time did the boy sneak in? After the parents went to bed?

That is a completely different situation. To not know what is happening in your own home is negligent. To have other peoples children over for a sleepover and to not supervise or notice that another person as entered the home is again, negligent. This happened because OP daughter knows her parents are lax and that she/her friends could get away with it.

Yes tell them.

No, the parents were awake and sitting in their garden.

Someone up thread said “snook” which I love 😍

That's incorrect, it is a criminal offence to have sex with a 15 yr old. Usually, if its consentual and the other person is similar in age, they won't be prosecuted. If they are both under age, then they both commit the offence. We don't know the age of the boyfriend in this case but at least one party has committed an offence here if they had sex. Her parents should be told for a couple of reasons: So they can ensure she gets the morning after pill and also because his parents could report the girl if he is under age. It would be better to find out from another parent than the police.

I am going to say don’t say a word.
Admitting their dd had sex whilst under your roof is going to bring so much trouble to your door.
Whilst it is not ideal, they did use protection

Teenagers even those under 16 years old have sex. It’s a fact of life.

The parents might find out in due course or they might think their dd is still a virgin at 25

I think making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be is just going to turn out worse for everyone

I actually think there is a grey area where the law is concerned given how close in age they are.
I don’t think any prosecution would take place give they are so close in age.

I’ve seen some critical comments, but yours is a remarkably impressive display of pure, unprovoked hostility. Yikes!

Ever get away with something bad as a teen? 🫣
What time did the boy sneak in? After the parents went to bed?

Of course the OP isn’t lax! It’s perfectly reasonable for her to have sat in her garden while hwr daughter and friends were upstairs - do you seriously expect parents to sit outside their teens’ bedroom doors constantly? Yes there was clearly a huge breach of trust, but in The young people involved are 15 and 16 and could be living independently in a couple of months with no parental supervision at all. The OP went up to the bedroom to say goodnight - was she expected to look in the wardrobe and under the bed? I sneaked boyfriends into my childhood home and made sure my parents never found out - it wasnt hard to do

Yes tell her parents and while you are at it give you your daughter a rocket too tell her she cannot be trusted either

You have to remember by telling her parents you are NOT in the wrong, the kid is absolutely at fault for deceiving you and putting you in this awful predicament in the first place, you have no choice or you could be accused and even charged at a later date as secrets will out in the end, as they always do.

You should definitely tell them because it’s very likely to get back to them via the other girls.

She could have (and should have) been checking in on them regularly. If you’re going to allow “sleepovers” at that age, you have to keep a close eye on them or else don’t do it. That age is the most dangerous time to take your eye off the ball and that’s exactly what op did.

No, OP shouldn't need to sit outside her daughters room to make sure they aren't allowing boys in to have sex with. And to not know who is coming and going from your house is lax. This is poor parenting and trying to justify it because your parents were also lax/you thought it was acceptable to allow boys into your house without your parents knowing just shows that values and respect or lack thereof in your family/life.