To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

The only way to stop it is by following them and being with them 24/7.

Which would be a bit creepy.

They’re not. You’re not committing a criminal offence to do this unless over 18.

I’m glad you’ve seen that you absolutely must tell the parents OP.

Technicaly if they are both under 16 they are both having sex with a minor which is illegal but the police woukdnt prosecute .

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Yes This! Not to mention even if it was a criminal offence, sex between two teens close in age is not in the public interest to go down the rabbit hole of prosecution.

The age of consent laws are not there to stop teens having sex with each other. They are there to help protect them from abuse.

Underage pregnancy happens but the police wouldnt prosecute if there was only 3 months between
So its likely there was found to be some coercion .

The police are still not going to prosecute though assuming it was consensual
Thats some 16 year old managing to groom not ust his girlfriend but also all of her friends...

Paticulstly when at the same time some posters are implying the boy who is just 3 months older is some kind of abuser.

No such thing in the UK. Police wont be remotely interested in a 16 year old boy and a 15 year 11 month old girl having a stag.

Concerns, as the responsible adult, about under age sex of visitors to your house and strangers in your house through the night is not 'pearl clutching'.

Yes that’s completely unacceptable and the parents need to know. Teenagers hook up and sneak around, but it’s the adults jobs to make sure the environment is safe for them. Not knowing he was there, scaring a younger child, and then then having s*x in your house is just not cool. I wouldn’t be letting my daughter have any sleepovers at all

@penflapup what an awful thing to accuse someone of ffs what is wrong with you

But no matter how much you try to supervise your teens, they will still find a way to have sex if that’s what they want to do. Are you suggesting that 15 year olds shouldn’t be allowed meet their friends during the day without supervision? My parents were quite strict about how late I was allowed to stay out in the evening, because I ‘might get up to no good’ with my latest boyfriend. They didn’t seem to understood that the ‘no good’ could still happen at 11.30 in the morning or in the afternoon! It was a complete breach of trust on the part of the OP’s daughter and friends to smuggle anyone into the house without permission, whether make or female, and I don’t think the OP is in any way to blame for this.

If my friend didn’t tell me that my child slept with someone while under their care, I’d honestly be furious. You need to be honest with them. You’re being too much of a friend to this girl, she’s not your mate she’s someone’s child and you’re a parent.

Dont be silly.

We have gone far too soft on teens. Blaming this lady is ridiculous. Had this happened in the 90s we (teens) would all have been in big trouble. Nobody would have pointed the finger at the parents. We were trusted and if that trust was broken we were expected to take full accountability for our actions.

I'm not suggesting that at all but, maybe not allowing sleepovers and not checking in on them would not be creepy. Its more creepy that a15 year old is having sex in a spare bedroom and the parents weren't aware (and the younger kids in the house saw him and was scared) is more creepy!

Sure it’s a parents’ job to make sure complete strangers don’t sneak into their house without their knowledge or permission for any reason, including to have sex with a guest.

I actually think the sex itself is a red herring.
If teenagers want to have sex with each other they will find a way to do it. Much like they find a way to vape or drink underage if they want to.

Ideally they wait but over a third of teens have sex before they are 16 and shaming them and hammering down on it being "illegal" just makes them think it is wrong and sets them up for an unhealthy attitude and shame towards sex - which should through out their lives be fun.

The sneaking is the biggest issue, bringing a stranger into the home without you knowing is unfair and put you OP in a horrible position.

My own children are only 4 and 6 and I can't currently watch them 24/7 so God knows how some of you expect OP to watch a room of teens constantly.

We should be giving our teens more freedom, and we should expect them to make really fucking stupid choices as well as really smart ones. It is our job as parents to guide them at this age. Not helicopter over them constantly.

Im assuming you are being sarcastic.

Of course they will (as we all did) BUT, not in a home that parents would think is safe.

Have you ever met a teenage girl? I doubt very much they were confused or emotionally distressed about their mate and her boyfriend. No need for the snooty remarks about the girl being sex obsessed or a bit rough. She is just doing what teenagers do.
The posters insisting their teens would never behave like that are deluded.

Not allowing sleepovers wont stop devious teens. Thats really naive.

Checking in - fine if you also go and open cupboards, wardrobes, look under beds etc. Plenty of places to hide in a lot of houses. Teens will find them.

The op not being aware isnt a massive parenting failing. She cant sit by the door all night nor would she be expected to perform a thorough search of the premises. She may do now if there are future sleepovers of course!

I feel some parents, not you necessarily, are in for a massive shock when their DC are older and they realise they actually cant keep tabs on their DC constantly.

Again, would you expect the op to sit by the door all night?