To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

You mean like sit at the door all night?

There is absolutely no way I’d allow my 14 year old to go to a sleepover with no adult supervision 🤯

Eww, that sounds gross and completely inappropriate for a sleepover. It must have been confusing and emotionally distressing for the other young girls who were staying the night. Did they all agree to the plan, or was there peer pressure and a fait accompli?

Is this girl sex obsessed, or why couldn't she wait until she was alone with this boy in her own home? Doing it in a group setting at someone else's house and sneaking in someone who wasn't invited is quite rough, really. You have to tell her parents because this was such a huge breach of trust. What numpties. Is your dd going to face consequences?

Whilst I appreciate the reasoning, I think it’s an overstep to drive to chemist for medication etc and not tell the parents that this has gone on.

I took the MAP twice in my early 20s and it made me feel absolutely horrendous. I’d bloody well want to know if another adult had given it to my 15 year old…

You must tell the parents of the other girls too.

That I agree with, but the poster said it was not a criminal offence which is what I was contesting. It's also the case that the OP is now a witness after the fact, which in the UK does not carry specific responsibility, unless it can be argued that she is now helping the boy in which case it does become illegal.

A difficult dilemma. Personally I would not tell the girls parents. You say you dont know them so you dont know how they will react. Sounds like you were able to have a conversation with her, give her advice etc...which is more important than a telling off from her parents. Id be more furious about them sneaking a boy in.

I can see why you’d feel that, its so tricky.

If I later found out that another adult has supported my 15 year old with the map, I would feel relieved it had happened rather than like they were overstepping.

It’s more the not telling, I think, than the supporting. It is tricky though, it’s very difficult to know the right thing to do.

Parenting teens is not for the faint of heart 😬

Guess the question is, would you expect them to tell you if it was your DD? I’m assuming you would. This will likely get out and they will be absolutely fuming with you for not telling them. Do the right thing. You can’t guarantee protection was used. You also had a duty of care.

Of course you can’t just bring someone else’s fifteen year old to the chemist and get them the MAP and you certainly can’t do it without telling her parents.
OP needs to tell the parents what happened and let them deal with it.
They can ask their daughter exactly what happened and work out whether she needs the MAP or to be tested for STDs or whatever.
However, I can’t understand how the OP actually knows for certain that they actually had sex. And where? In the same room as the others?
Either OP was out and left them completely unsupervised (including a younger sibling) or this never happened.
I suspect (and hope) it’s the latter.

100% tell them, and you need to tell them they spent the night together in the spare room too.

Has anyone addressed how op is going to tell the parents?

I didnt have my DS parents numbers when he was nearly 16. I barely knew where some of them lived. At that age if one of my friends mums said they needed my parents number and I knew id get a bollocking of a lifetime then friends parent would have been given Ken Adams number (IYKYK)

And as for the DD giving the address. Dont underestimate friend codes at that age. I know one of my friends definitely would have taken one for the team than grass the address up 😬

Tell them and tell them quickly, every hour the morning after pill will be less effective.

@Megifer @x2boys the grooming I am referring to is the 16 y/o coercing not just the girl into having sex, but her friends into facilitating it. His age makes having sexual activity with this girl an offence.

The pregnancy is what pushed it into being treated very seriously.

And what about the boy? Why are you just blaming the girls? It's not like they just smuggled a bottle of vodka in. He is a huge, active, willing participant in this.

You need to tell all the parents involved here, that the girls collectively, brought in a boy, who's the boyfriend of one of the girls, into your home, without your permission or knowledge. Your younger daughter saw the boy involved, and was scared as she doesn't know him. I would be honest, say you and your husband were in the garden, and it's whilst you were out there, the girls snuck him in. You did check on them several times throughout the evening, but they must have hidden him.

Say that you are angry and disappointed with all the girls, the boy involved and your own daughter. They have disrespected your home and frightened your younger daughter on top.

I don't think they're any need to tell the other parents about the sex the girl and boy had. However, I do think you need to tell the girl's parents. Say that X told you that she had protected sex with her boyfriend in your spare room. Again say you are angry that both of them thought sneaking him in and having sex in your home was appropriate. You are also concerned that there's a potential X could be pregnant and they need to seek medical advice.

I doubt very much your daughter or her other friends decided to say to the girl with the boyfriend 'Let's invite X over'. I'd imagine that was asked by your daughter's friend to your daughter. It may be she went along with it willingly or that she felt under pressure to say yes. Regardless, it shows that she can't be trusted, as can't her friends.

Yes, some teenagers have underage sex. However, most don't decide to sneek their boyfriend into their friend's house, so they can have sex.

Of course we can. It is called Parenting and that happens from the moment they are born!
She is a child still and the fact that they snuck him in and then they had sex in the spare room and the other younger children were scared when they saw him suggests that there is a lack of parenting here.

Honestly no you really can't. We like to think we can, but unless we chaperone them everywhere and every minute, that pp is right, if a teenager wants to deceive, then deceive they will. And we do parents no favours at all by being unrealistic about that.

Honestly you can parent a child!

Some of the reactions here are bonkers.

The age of consent laws aren't in place to stop teenagers shagging each other it is to protect them from abusive interactions with older people.

Over a third of UK teens have sex before 16 it isn't something shocking, and it isn't a law designed to punish teens or parents of teens.

I would speak to the other girls parents OP say they snuck in a boy, but that they will need to clarify what actually happened with their daughter.

You are not a bad parent for "letting" this happen, teens are hormonal and developing a sexuality is normal.

I also would love it if we stopped calling teenagers children, they are teenagers, adolescents. Infantilising them constantly is not helpful.

So all the girls, including your daughter, were in on it? I’d be bloody furious firstly! How dare they betray your trust like that! Your daughter would be in serious trouble if she was mine.
In light of this, I think you need to inform ALL of the parents.