To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

This ☝🏻

I agree. Even back in the 1970s when I was a teenager having sex, I knew to always use a condom until I was old enough to go on the pill, as did all my friends. And sex education was nothing like it is now - the one and only sex education lesson we ever got at secondary school was when I was 15, by which time at least half of the class were sexually active. A nurse came to talk to us and told us that you must always take your mother with you on your first date, which shouldn’t be until you were 18, and that if you ever sat on a boy’s lap, you should make sure that you put a telephone directory on his lap first. 😆😆

Lol i went to a catholic school in the 80,s we didnt get much in the way of sex education
I remember my RE teacher telling us the only true form of contracetion was that little word No , not much use to a class 16 year oldds
Some of whom had already had sex
And most were likely too in the next year or two.

You need to read the post immediately before yours.
The other children at this sleepover need to be protected too

Gross! I hope you are insisting that your DD is washing & drying the bedding as well. You don’t know this boy and this lie potentially put your little at risk of violence, other assault and theft. Your DD needs some serious consequences.

That criticism is completely unfair and misses the point. The reality is that even the most attentive parents cannot monitor a teenager every single second.

I want to know how you found out, tbh. Did you find him in your house or did DD come clean?

That criticism is victim-blaming. It is not fair to sit on the sidelines and lecture parents about what they 'should' have known. No parent on earth can stop a teenager who is determined to lie, manipulate, and sneak around.

No parent can stop a teenager who is hellbent on manipulating and deceiving them.

I suspect there could be legal consequences if the parents of the girl wanted to try and push this. If the girl felt like she was being coerced, etc. (not saying that she will, but we don’t know.) I believe OP has a responsibility to tell the parents at the very least and maybe even tell the school what happened as this is borderline grooming from the boy involved. How the hell did he convince your dd and her friends that this was okay?

You don’t owe her anything to keep her secret. She owes you a mighty apology for thinking it was a good idea and your DD needs to wake up she was used as a convenient excuse with a place for it to happen.

tell the parents.

People are being rather naive and judgemental about how this happened ... uh, teens wanting sex will find a way. 🙄
It's not OP's fault, fgs.
It's no one's, actually.

OP doesn't know the girl's parents.
What are their rules, culture, is there abuse in the home, would the girl be in danger if her parents knew ...

The OP didn't authorize it, or know about it in advance. I think she keeps her mouth shut.
The OP's only issue is her daughter who needs to understand trust was broken and OP has been put into a difficult position.
If the girl's parents do find out , OP's only reply should be she didn't know about it until after the fact and it's not her business to get involved.

Tell the parents everything. How do you know the whole group didn't pressure this girl into agreeing?

But how much do you really supervise 15/16 year olds?

My DD has friends stay over now at 14 and often we are out for the evening. At just 14, I do make sure the parents know if I’m going to be out for the evening and check they are ok with that but honestly, I can’t imagine I’ll still be doing that after DD and her friends are 15/16 and have finished their GCSEs!

I’m confused as to why the term frigid was brought into it!

"It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13, 14 and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13, 14 or 15."

This kind of talk plays right into the manosphere bullshit. Grooming ffs, honestly 🙄

Just stop it again the law is to ptotect childdren from being groomed by adults not to punish two teens 3 months apart in age from having sex
Underage sex is not ideal but it happens
There is no suggestion she hss bern groomed or hasent consented .

You said pearl clutching was used when women werent "down with it", another pp thought you might have meant frigid, you said no, then that was it.

I wouldn’t tell them about the sex (at 15/16 that’s info that she has the right to share privately with her parents if she wants).

But I would drive her to the chemist for the morning after pill on the way home incase you still haven’t got 100 percent of the story. Absolutely no way would I take the risk she ended up pregnant from this,

And I would tell her parents that the girls are banned from sleepovers for a month because of smuggling the boy in. And let them ask their own questions of her.

What am I reading? Of course tell them. I wouldn't be apologetic about it either. Their daughter snuck a boy into your house. They need to know and they need to deal with her.

She already lied, why would you belive her about using protection- what if she turns up pregnant?
I think you should tell her bparents- your house was used and your daughter was involved, you do have to accept some of the responsibility.

Ah, no wonder the confusion. The extrapolation of frigid was a huge reach!

This is true. However, the authorities will not take action where the participants were close in age and the sex was consensual. Unlike many other countries, we don't have a formal close in age exemption (sometimes referred to as a Romeo and Juliet clause) written into the relevant legislation, but the police and CPS operate as if there was such a clause. They take the view that it is not in the public interest to criminalise teenagers having consensual sex.

In this case it seems we are dealing with someone just over 16 having sex with someone just under 16. As long as the sex was consensual, the authorities will not be interested.

They can easily stop a teenager walking into their home through a door!

Can you not think of a way to do this?